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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lifts and petrol money conundrum

133 replies

Juicypineapple · 11/12/2016 22:29

Ok I'm going to be intentionally vague so apologies in advance.

A lives in the same street as B but they don't really know each other although the kids are good friends. Both peoples dc start at the same school which is some distance away.

A takes her son to school in the car which takes 20 minutes
Bs dc go to school on the bus which is 45 minutes to an hour in traffic and includes a bus change.

A starts to offer Bs dc a lift home when she sees them at home time.
This isn't daily as sometimes the son and other dc are in afterschool sessions or not in the same classes or simply don't see each other that day.

Bs dc continue to catch the bus to school and home when not with As son.

B has not offered petrol money to A as B feels she is paying £70 a month for her two children's bus pass which covers them to school and back and doesn't really want to be paying even more out.

B feels it is silly to leave the two children to navigate the buses on the days they are in class together when they live in the same street but would appreciate a gesture of a small offer towards petrol

Who is in the wrong

Should Bs dc refuse the lift if they aren't offering money?

Should A stop offering to take the dc?

Over to you.

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 11/12/2016 22:44

You mean A thinks it's silly don't you in the op?
Give your friends dc the lift and don't feel bitter about the lack of petrol money.

Original poster
Juicypineapple · 11/12/2016 22:46

Sorry the issue is A has made comments as part of a social group that she takes Bs dc home from school sometimes. A was asked if B gave petrol money and said no but then publically agreed with someone's comment that it would be nice if B made a small gesture.

Bs issue was that she already pays out £70 to cover the children and having to pay another £5/10 a week on top of that is not doing her a favour. Especially as she has not asked for the lifts to be given nor can she rely on them.

OP posts:
MoreThanUs · 11/12/2016 22:48

A should absolutely not expect petrol money. She offers the lifts and as she's going that way anyway, there is no additional cost. I think A is being very very unreadable, and if I were B and found out there was an expectation of payment, I'd be a bit hacked off.

SaladDressing · 11/12/2016 22:48

Assuming that I am 'B' and very grateful for the lift for my DC I would probably buy an occasional bottle of wine/bunch of flowers to say thank you.

It doesn't sound as if petrol money is expected here but I would still want to acknowledge the favour.

Original poster
Juicypineapple · 11/12/2016 22:48

Small monetary gesture that should say.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 11/12/2016 22:49

"Small gesture" to me would be a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers at the end of term to say thanks for the lifts

RainbowJack · 11/12/2016 22:49

B's in the right.

A's a grabby cah.

Which one are you, OP? Wink

GoldTippedFeather · 11/12/2016 22:49

A would be doing the journey anyway, not going anywhere out of their way. If I was A I would not expect anything and can understand Bs position, as long as the children/B is appreciative.

OlennasWimple · 11/12/2016 22:50

X-post...

OP - are you B? If so I wouldn't offer any money, but I would get something else as suggested. And perhaps tell my DC only to accept a lift if they have lots of kit or the weather is really bad, otherwise to stick with the bus

EweAreHere · 11/12/2016 22:52

A should not expect petrol money. She has offered to drop them off since she is going that way, and B's children have bus passes. They're not stranded and hoping someone like A will take them home. They're not mooching.

It's very kind of A to offer, but to expect money would be not on, frankly.

littlepeas · 11/12/2016 22:53

A should absolutely not expect petrol money as she would be doing the journey regardless! This is the sort of gesture where a nice bottle of wine as a thank you gift might be nice, but not petrol money. Yuck. Some people are really grabby.

GasLightShining · 11/12/2016 22:54

I wouldn't accept an offer of petrol money as I am going that way anyway. However I would love the other parent to offer.

Since the parent giving the lifts is saving the DC having to spend an hour on the bus I think every so often I would give a box of chocolates or bottles of wine

DeepanKrispanEven · 11/12/2016 22:54

As A isn't saving B any money, and it's not costing her any more money, she shouldn't ask for payment. If she wants payment, she needs to make a commitment for every day so that B doesn't need to pay for bus passes.

Inertia · 11/12/2016 22:55

B should go to A with a bottle of wine and say thank you for the lifts so far. However, as B can't afford to pay petrol money to A on top of the bus pass costs (which are presumably fixed no matter how often B jnr takes the bus), then A really shouldn't feel that she needs to offer lists, and B jnr is fine with the bus.

Arfarfanarf · 11/12/2016 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 11/12/2016 22:59

A is being unreasonable. If she wanted money she should have approached B to make a private arrangement, which I imagine B would decline. It's really rude of A to discuss this publicly! (And of the other person to have asked about the money.)

SheldonCRules · 11/12/2016 23:00

A is being unreasonable, her costs are the same with or without B.

Any decent person would make it a daily thing and save the cost of the bus pass for the other and make it easier for the children.

brasty · 11/12/2016 23:01

I would normally offer petrol money for lifts, but it is different here as the DC have a bus pass.

MyKingdomForBrie · 11/12/2016 23:01

B needs to tell the kids not to take the lift and have a nice word with A to say - I have heard that you feel I should be giving petrol money which I totally understand but I can't afford to do as I already pay so much for the bus, so thank you for your kind lifts in the past but we won't be taking any more.

trappedinsuburbia · 11/12/2016 23:01

No way should money be offered or expected, B's kids already have their transport covered, if A occasionally offers a more convenient alternative that makes no difference to her in any way off her own back then that's very nice of her, but to expect cash makes her look mean and grabby.

I have been in the position of A and offered the lift on a permanent basis which saved money/time for the family of my B, I never once expected anything in return and was pleasantly surprised by the odd bottle of wine/small gift at christmas and on my birthday.

If I was B, I would tell my dc not to accept a lift anymore.

JellyBelli · 11/12/2016 23:02

It would be petty to leave the next door neighbours kids at the bus stop, and petty to ask for petrol money. Especially when you know that parent has to pay for bus passes.
B should stop offering lifts as she cant do it with good grace.

SeenYourArse · 11/12/2016 23:03

Why on earth would petrol money be offered or more importantly why would the driver feel it is needed or ought to be offered when she is doing the trip anyway?! Sounds to me like the the person offering the lift wants the other children to pay her fuel bill for the school run! Literally not going out of her way,no detours and would be doing the trip whether there is 1 or 4 DC in the car... technically you would only be 'fair' (which I don't even think it would be in this scenario!) to charge them for the 'extra' fuel the weight of the extra child caused the car to use... so maybe a penny a trip if that?!

Helloitsme87 · 11/12/2016 23:03

Wow. She offered a lift then expected money. When she was going that way.
If my children paid per bus journey then I would be inclined to offer petrol money. But if I was already forking out 70 a month. No way. No skin off her nose and she's helping the kids. I cannot even believe she was making noises about a monetary gesture. I would probably be inclined for a bottle of wine and a box of chocs at xmas to say thanks but no more than that.

She is definitely being unreasonable
I couldn't use A and B as I forgot who was who

MidniteScribbler · 11/12/2016 23:03

Fuck, this pisses me off so much. Once upon a time, this was called a 'favour' and there was no expectation of anything other than a thank you. Now, it's a money grab.

If I were B, I'd be telling my children not to accept lifts from the greedy bitch.

Timeforteaplease · 11/12/2016 23:04

Time to let us know whether you are A or B!