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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lifts and petrol money conundrum

133 replies

Juicypineapple · 11/12/2016 22:29

Ok I'm going to be intentionally vague so apologies in advance.

A lives in the same street as B but they don't really know each other although the kids are good friends. Both peoples dc start at the same school which is some distance away.

A takes her son to school in the car which takes 20 minutes
Bs dc go to school on the bus which is 45 minutes to an hour in traffic and includes a bus change.

A starts to offer Bs dc a lift home when she sees them at home time.
This isn't daily as sometimes the son and other dc are in afterschool sessions or not in the same classes or simply don't see each other that day.

Bs dc continue to catch the bus to school and home when not with As son.

B has not offered petrol money to A as B feels she is paying £70 a month for her two children's bus pass which covers them to school and back and doesn't really want to be paying even more out.

B feels it is silly to leave the two children to navigate the buses on the days they are in class together when they live in the same street but would appreciate a gesture of a small offer towards petrol

Who is in the wrong

Should Bs dc refuse the lift if they aren't offering money?

Should A stop offering to take the dc?

Over to you.

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 11/12/2016 23:07

I think the op is A.

MrsFogi · 11/12/2016 23:07

No way should any petrol money be offered, expected or accepted. It is up to A whether or not she wishes to offer a lift on all/some days. B is not expecting or asking for a lift for her dcs and indeed is paying for the bus. B certainly will not be expecting to pay more money on top of the bus passes.

MoreThanUs · 11/12/2016 23:08

OP - are you going to confirm you are A...or B?

Original poster
Juicypineapple · 11/12/2016 23:11

Basically I know both people. I was present when A made comment about bringing the children home and agreed with someone else that it would be nice if B offered 'a couple of quid' towards petrol.

Bs argument is she didn't ask for the lifts, she didn't know till the dc got home it had happened. (think five times ish since September), the dc have said they are fine to catch the bus and B has told the kids to get the bus but A tells them not to silly and in true children fashion the lure of being home at 3.50 instead of an hour has won.

B would have taken a gift to say thank you at some point but doesn't feel she should go round with 'a couple of quid' each time the dc get a lift.

OP posts:
Timeforteaplease · 11/12/2016 23:13

I think you are A.

FutureMrsRanj · 11/12/2016 23:14

A is batshit, B has organised and paid for travel, if she doesn't want to do the favour she is in no way obligated to continue. If she wants to do it all the time she could approach B and suggest she could take Bs dc regularly for a small fee instead of paying for bus, B could make her decision based on that. A has hardly made much effort or lost any money in her favour so expecting money and telling others is not on

ImNotDancing · 11/12/2016 23:15

from the update i think shes B

Original poster
Juicypineapple · 11/12/2016 23:16

And yes the bus passes are monthly things so no money saved if the dc get a lift instead.

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 11/12/2016 23:16

B might not be able to afford to offer a couple of quid on top of her other expenses. She has never asked A for the lifts and it has cost A nothing. As long as B and her children have both thanked A then that's fine.

HearTheThunderRoar · 11/12/2016 23:17

I've been in a similar situation myself to A, I have given various people who live in my village rides to and from the city (one child in particular who went to Primary school with my DD) because I work full time and am always commuting and we have next to none public transport.

No way would I expect petrol money, I am not going out of my way other than possibly having to go the long way home because I'm still going home whether I give her a lift or not. Like midnite says, it's called doing people a favour.

I couldn't bare leaving my next door neighbour's kids taking the bus which twice as long.

dustarr73 · 11/12/2016 23:17

Well if you know A tell her to stop offering the lifts.Problem solved.

Hellochicken · 11/12/2016 23:18

A should not be expecting any money.
If she doesnt want to give them a lift then dont. A only does it when it A is not put out in anyway. B should not be expected AT ALL to give A petrol money.
A should continue to offer lifts and B should let her DCs take the lift but perhaps say thank you if they meet in the street!

RainbowJack · 11/12/2016 23:20

Juicypineapple and agreed with someone else that it would be nice if B offered 'a couple of quid' towards petrol.

Can you explain why?

  • A starts to offer Bs dc a lift home when she sees them at home time.
  • A tells them not to silly

Why do you think B should pay for something A has started and continued without B's permission/notice?

capricorn12 · 11/12/2016 23:21

No to petrol money but yes to trying to reciprocate with a small favor if the opportunity arrises, like feeding A's cat whilst she's on holiday for example.

Vixxfacee · 11/12/2016 23:23

Op I think you are A and are surprised by the reactions here.

rollonthesummer · 11/12/2016 23:23

Why are you so involved if you aren't A or B?!

Andylion · 11/12/2016 23:24

Five times since September? I was thinking it was once a week. Ridiculous to think that money should be offered. A bottle of wine, maybe.

It sounds like B wasn't there when A was asked if she'd like a contribution. How did B find out about this conversation?

Original poster
Juicypineapple · 11/12/2016 23:25

Sorry that was badly written Rainbow. I meant I was there when A said she was giving lifts to the kids and when A agreed with someone else that B should offer a couple of quid.

I don't agree.

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 11/12/2016 23:25

Yes, suggest to B she looks after A's cat while she is on holiday...in fact tell B to take A's cat without her permission when she isn't on holiday, look after it for a few days then return cat to A. Then tell B to invoice A for looking after her cat.

Original poster
Juicypineapple · 11/12/2016 23:27

B found out about the conversation because people like to cause a shit storm.

I am not A vixx

OP posts:
Timeforteaplease · 11/12/2016 23:31

Come on.... admit it ... You are A!

Helloitsme87 · 11/12/2016 23:32

5 times since September. Wow. Money grabbing cow. Don't do any favours if you expect money, they aren't favours. A couple of quid.... for what exactly. Helping a neighbour FIVE times in about 12 school weeks. I'm fuming for B! A is a cow

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/12/2016 23:33

B has already made provision for her children's transport to and from school. If A decides to offer a lift and circumvent that then it's a 'gift'. It's not necessary and should be done as a kindness if done at all.

I think A is being unreasonable to expect payment for something she is electing to do. She should stop if it's too much bother because the lifts are not asked for or required.

ALemonyPea · 11/12/2016 23:33

A is extremely grabby, they're using no more petrol than if the child wasn't in the car.

Oldraver · 11/12/2016 23:33

If you were the one listening to this, the only thing you should of said was "stop being a twat A"