Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lifts and petrol money conundrum

133 replies

Juicypineapple · 11/12/2016 22:29

Ok I'm going to be intentionally vague so apologies in advance.

A lives in the same street as B but they don't really know each other although the kids are good friends. Both peoples dc start at the same school which is some distance away.

A takes her son to school in the car which takes 20 minutes
Bs dc go to school on the bus which is 45 minutes to an hour in traffic and includes a bus change.

A starts to offer Bs dc a lift home when she sees them at home time.
This isn't daily as sometimes the son and other dc are in afterschool sessions or not in the same classes or simply don't see each other that day.

Bs dc continue to catch the bus to school and home when not with As son.

B has not offered petrol money to A as B feels she is paying £70 a month for her two children's bus pass which covers them to school and back and doesn't really want to be paying even more out.

B feels it is silly to leave the two children to navigate the buses on the days they are in class together when they live in the same street but would appreciate a gesture of a small offer towards petrol

Who is in the wrong

Should Bs dc refuse the lift if they aren't offering money?

Should A stop offering to take the dc?

Over to you.

OP posts:
SelfCleaningVagina · 12/12/2016 06:45

And if A has been doing this off her own bat as a favour and it genuinely costs her nothing in money or time, then it would be a bit churlish and petty to withdraw the favour as a matter now as a matter of principle. At least as things stand she can pick and choose when she offers the lifts (for example there will be days when she doesn't want to go straight home) and there is no obligation or expectation.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/12/2016 06:52

So "A" has not asked for money from "B" but someone has shit stirred and you have come on to a forum to ask who is right.

I suspect the person that asked "A" if she would like money is the same person that told "B".

I am wondering if the person that told "B" is the OP

Saracen · 12/12/2016 07:09

Sorry haven't RTFT.

I don't see why this is anything to do with parent B at all. It's B's children who benefit from the lift. Kids who are old enough to travel on the bus alone are certainly old enough to express their appreciation directly when someone does them a favour.

If B's children aren't doing this in a satisfactory way then it would be nice if someone gave them a nudge and taught them to look A in the eye and say once in a while, "A, we REALLY appreciate you taking us home sometimes. It is great to get home so quickly in your nice warm car. Thanks!!" A gift or thank-you note wouldn't be out of order either.

B could check with the kids to ensure they are doing this. Or A's kids could talk to B's kids: "You know, our mum isn't getting the feeling that you care one way or another if we take you home. If you like getting lifts then maybe you should thank her. She likes that kind of thing."

Catlady1976 · 12/12/2016 07:22

I have given dds friends a lift to school when the bus is late but I wouldn't have thought to ask for petrol money. I am not going out of my way. The kids actually pay per trip too so I did save them money.
So a is definitely in the wrong and shouldn't offer if there are strings attached.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2016 07:55

Op you shoukd have told A. It is unreasonable, she's the one offering the lifts, she is on the same street as them. She should stop offering. It's unfair on B who woukd probably prefer her DC to use the school bus. Mabey B coukd talk to A and tell her not to offer lifts to the kids, that they are getting the paid for school bus. If A offers, she should not expect any payment.

Hoppinggreen · 12/12/2016 08:17

If I see anyone we know at the bus stop on the way to DS school I stop and offer a lift, once in the snow I picked up a couple of kids I didn't even know ( recognised the uniform and parent was with them)
Wouldn't occur to me to ask for money as it's on my way

Marynary · 12/12/2016 08:28

If I was A, I wouldn't accept petrol money as that would mean that I would feel obligated to offer a lift when it may not always be convenient. If I was B I wouldn't offer money for petrol but I would buy chocolates or wine etc occasionally to show I appreciate their help.

BertrandRussell · 12/12/2016 08:49

I am amazed by the way some people regard giving lifts. It's as if people's bottoms will wear out their car seats or something.........

Willow2016 · 12/12/2016 09:47

Hell I have missed a trick or two.
When taking kids friends home after playing at mine all day I should have been knocking on the door with my hand out for £ for petrol!

What nonsense. A took it up on herself to do it, its happened all of 5 times! Tell her to get a life and stop being an arse.

B should tell her kids not to get in the car and stop A acting like a martyr in front of friends.

What is wrong with people these days?

Ahickiefromkinickie · 12/12/2016 10:23

I don't think OP is A. She would probably have painted B worse than A if that was the case.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 12/12/2016 10:57

B should tell A to stick her lifts, as they are clearly more for A's benefit. Good samaritan and all that, however a few bob wouldn't go amiss Hmm

JustSpeakSense · 12/12/2016 11:23

B needs to have a chat with A and explain that although her kind offer of occasional lifts are appreciated, she cannot afford to offer both petrol money as well as paying for bus passes.

B should tell A that she has heard what A has been saying about the petrol money situation around and about and this is why she is having this conversation now.

perhaps B's kids should wrap up a box of chocolates and bottle of wine for Christmas for A with a thank you card for the kind offer of occasional lifts.

Let's not forget B has never asked for lifts for her children.

I think A has been dragged into conversation and admitted to wanting a bit of petrol money by other nosy outsiders, it is really no business of theirs what the arrangement is between A & B. Nosy outsiders are the ones who have stirred up shit. A now looks as if her kind gestures were made for monetary gain, and B now looks like she is taking advantage of A. In fact I think neither is in the wrong, it is the nosy outsiders in the wrong.

ChocoChou · 12/12/2016 12:24

A would be driving the route anyway so any petrol money would be a profit. Maybe B could get A a bottle of wine/poinsettia at end of term as a small thank you? A should not expect money

HaveNoSocks · 12/12/2016 12:31

If they take petrol money they should guarantee B a lift everyday (i.e. waiting for him if he's a little late out) unless he has an after school activity and would be out an hour late. Otherwise the lift is a nice gesture but shouldn't expect anything in return.

Squiff85 · 12/12/2016 12:36

Take it you are B!

B is being cheeky IMO

BowieFanMk2 · 12/12/2016 12:47

If the journey requires no detours and is already being made anyway, I feel expecting petrol money is disgusting. Having an extra person in the car doesn't make you use more petrol (well, not enough that you'd notice).

If it requires a detour which wouldn't normally be made, some kind of system needs to be worked out. My kids and our neighbour's kids go to the same school which is on the way to my work and our arrangement was always that I would drop them off on a morning (because neighbour worked early shifts) as I was already going that way, and the neighbour would pick them up after school and look after them until 5 when I got home. Worked well for us for years, but both sets of kids are old enough to look after themselves now.

BertrandRussell · 12/12/2016 12:53

"Take it you are B!

B is being cheeky IMO"

Why?

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2016 12:57

*suqiff858 why is B being cheeky? She has not asked for lifts, she pays for the school bus to get her kids to and from school, so expects nothing from A. A has taken it upon herself to offer lifts to B kids and now is expecting to be paid for it! The lift arrangement is between A and B kids, not A and B. A was supposidly doing it out of kindness, she is not going out of her way, as the kids go to the same school, and she lives on the same road as B. A is being cheeky asking to be paid, when B did not ask her to give her kids lifts. If I was B, I would tell my kids not to accept lifts off A, and to walk away. I would go round to A and tell her not to offer my kids lifts, that they already have paid for transport to and from school.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 12/12/2016 12:59

I thought you were A but now I reckon you are B and you have found out about this conversation between the others about you.

A is BU. It costs B more to have A give her children a lift if petrol money is expected, they luve on the same street fgs, petrol money is not needed at all. When i was younger, not school lifts but just general lifts, some of my friends parents gave us all lifts places, the exchange of petrol money between the adults would never have entered anyone's head.

Brentlicious · 12/12/2016 13:14

How do we know that A has a cat?
Just wondering.

Whosthebestbabainalltheworld · 12/12/2016 13:30

Aha! It's actually one of those conundrums like you get in a 5 year olds Hmm maths book. So both A and B are 5 years old (or acting thus....)

No money, but as a nice Christmas gesture B should drop over a box of chocs as a "thank you" for the lifts-that-weren't-out-of-your-way-anyway to A. Is that the right answer?

Willow2016 · 12/12/2016 13:37

Squiff85 did you even read the ops posts?

How can B be being cheeky when

  1. A didnt ask if it was ok to give her kids a lift or if she even wanted her to, what if B hadnt been home and kids didnt have a key? and
  2. she didnt ask A to give her kids a lift and
  3. she didnt even know about it until kids told her!

Why the hell would she pay A to take her kids when she is forking out for a bus pass anyway? Why would anyone pay twice?

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2016 13:42

A nice bunch of flowers or something to say thanks and that's it, no money.

HeadElf · 12/12/2016 13:47

Anyone who expects money for a journey they would already be doing and who offers a lift to someone else should bore off.

JustSpeakSense · 12/12/2016 13:48

If you are B and have been told about this conversation from a third party I'd be wary of the information.

Sounds like the third party put words in 'A's mouth...