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Original poster

Dad on bus 'look at all these people sitting who won't let a child have a seat'

415 replies

Pipistrelle40 · 10/12/2016 20:46

Just that really, he got on with two boys aged about 10 and 8. People looked at each other and laughed. Old enough to stand surely.

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 11/12/2016 10:12

Flipper I've been pregnant and on the bus when younger and sick so know how it feels - in those circumstances if you didn't say something to me how would I know?! In fact if you felt awful I'd give up my seat.

Ginger again I'm really sorry and admit I was totally out of order, I just read that one sentence and didn't take in the previous ones and just acted on impulse, I thought I had read the whole 4 pages thoroughly but obviously not thoroughly enough. What more can I say and I don't want to dig myself a deeper hole.

throwingpebbles · 11/12/2016 10:15

I tend to avoid public transport at rush hour with children for this reason, as I think they do need a seat for safety reasons.

I can see both sides of the argument but...my DSD is a very tall 9 year old and hasn't been out of her booster seat that long... Surely if children are of a height/age that the law requires them to have a booster seat in cars on safety grounds, then it would seem logical that they need seats on public transport.

How many of you would round on that same dad if he said he didn't bother using booster seats for his kids while they were under the height limit.

It's not comfort, but safety that bothers me here. And a big healthy adult (assuming fit and well) is better of standing on a busy train than a child who would be at heightened risk of injury in any kind of collision

SuperFlyHigh · 11/12/2016 10:16

Purple re the trolley I've got no idea but you get a few PA people on this route which I've only used for a week as new job. Had one woman behind me with friends loudly complaining about state of her council flats she'd been offered (I actually do have sympathy there!) but then complained really loudly swearing etc about the slow bus driver and she was learning the drive etc so she wouldn't have to get this bus! I guess it's what you get with public transport but I've been spoilt (ha!) with southern trains and their strikes etc. I am incredibly pleased in this new job that I can drive and park there!

SuperFlyHigh · 11/12/2016 10:20

throwing hate to say this but if your 9 year old is fit and healthy and has no balance issues etc then even if not long out of their booster seat that long they should learn to stand if need be!

I had to do it as a child and we only got buses etc when my mum couldn't drive us anywhere. On the whole on buses there are rails, hand straps on tubes and even on trains generally areas where you can hold on. If you don't feel safe travelling at peak times on trains with limited hand rails then don't go then or use a different route.

GingerIvy · 11/12/2016 10:25

Weirdly, when I was pregnant, I felt better standing than sitting. For some reason, when I was sitting I ended up with motion sickness. I used to spend half my bus journeys reassuring people that no, I didn't need their seat, thanks, but I felt better standing. 😄

Super thank you for that. i hope you understand that people with children with SNs fight for everything - support, medical care, education, acceptance for their children every single day. SNs are not an "excuse" at all. They are a life changing situation that affect every aspect of your life. There is nowhere for us as parents to escape the reality we deal with because of it. Please think before you accuse someone of using it as an excuse for anything.

SVJAA · 11/12/2016 10:27

Fair play for apologising Super, it's not often you see that on here. As Ginger says, SN aren't an excuse and there is a far bigger picture than a snapshot of someone's day.

Marynary · 11/12/2016 10:28

It depends on how small they were and how crowded the bus is. When abroad with young children, adults used to give my youngest a seat if it was very crowded (because it was impossible for her to reach handrails and if you are short it is a bit suffocating) but I notice that the only people who do this in the UK are usually overseas visitors.
I really dislike the idea by some in the UK that children are less entitled to a seat than all adults. I have taught my children to give up their seat for elderly and disabled but that is it.

GingerIvy · 11/12/2016 10:28

throwing I try to avoid rush hour as well. We are supposed to meet ex at Paddington during rush hour next week for him to see dcs and I am dreading it. And no, I didn't plan the schedule. He did. 😒

SuperFlyHigh · 11/12/2016 10:37

Ginger I do realise (got cousin who's got autistic son and neighbour who's got a son on the spectrum and other neighbours sons with asperbgers etc) so I really do realise the struggle generally.

By the way I think your ex is an arse (sorry if that sounds harsh!) for wanting to meet you and your sons at Paddington during rush hour next week which is somewhere I'd avoid myself personally at that time and especially at this time of year! Can you suggest he changes the schedule?

havingabadhairday · 11/12/2016 10:41

I'll teach ds to give up his seat, but I would offer my seat to an older child if I felt it was necessary. On my bus route the bus goes barreling down a hill and then breaks quite sharply towards the bottom. It's hard for an adult to hold on, it's definitely safer for an eight year old to be seated.

throwingpebbles · 11/12/2016 10:42

Not my 9 year old - DSD. I avoid public transport at rush hour! Already said that

My point is a general one about the disconnect between the booster seat laws and the perceived etiquette about children standing on buses

GingerIvy · 11/12/2016 10:46

No, I'd have to agree with that assessment although he can behave well when he is motivated, but that's a whole other thing. No, can't change it. He's not seen them since summer and it was all I could do to convince him to visit this time as the dcs really want to see him. I could quite happily go without the visit, but it is for the dcs' benefit, not mine. So I will tough it out, deal with it, be civil, so they can have a visit with him. They won't likely see him again until summer.

GingerIvy · 11/12/2016 10:49

To be fair, he doesn't cause trouble for us and is supportive in other ways, so I can't completely blast him. I'm sure I irritate him as well. Grin

JoffreyBaratheon · 11/12/2016 10:49

Blimey, and there was I teaching my kids to give their seats up, if the bus was full and someone who looked in need of it, got on.... Must have missed the Parenting Memo.

SnugglySnerd · 11/12/2016 11:04

I get what some people are saying about the baby on board badges but I felt horrific for the first 4 months of my current pregnancy. Constantly tired, nauseous and had a lot of headaches. I was also getting spd pain by 16 weeks. You can't say that someone pregnant doesn't need a seat because they are not showing yet.
I am now 6 months pg with twins so massive, have a lot of back pain and a really bad cold. Decided to get takeaway on way home from work on Friday. Had to wait about 20 mins while a lot of middle aged men occupied the seats and I stood up. I could hardly waddle to my car afterwards.

Miserylovescompany2 · 11/12/2016 11:04

Priority seating is the worst IMHO! I have a small baby, the majority of buses have to have a disabled bay (and some newer models have a designated pushchair bay) the priority seats are directly behind the pushchair/disabled bay, in order to monitor the child/disabled person you need to sit in a priority seat...this is where the fun begins! Numerous occasions, I enter a half empty bus, the bay is free but some elderly person is sitting in the priority seat. I have had to stand in the aisle whilst the 'entitled' person sits in their special seat!?

Would it harm them to move back a row? :(

I would happily sit holding said child, but, unfortunately when the bus is turning the pushchair has a tendency to tip (even with brakes on)

If the bus is full, or an elderly/pregnant person gets on? I am more than happy to give up a seat...

Sorry, I've gone off on a tangent :(

spidey66 · 11/12/2016 11:05

Yep, definitely entitled. I'd give my seat up for pregnant women, those carrying small children, the elderly etc but not a kid of that age.

I'd consider giving my seat up for a toddler, as I do get they maybe unsteady and unable to reach the poles, but tbh if the parent has a seat and they're not pregnant etc I'd expect the parent to have the child on their lap.

I'm (temporarily) disabled, having recently had surgery on my knee and then having some weird thing with my ankle as a result (swelling and pain, then a nasty sprain.) I've been using a crutch as a result. I've been going into work using public transport in rush hours. I have to say Londoners are brilliant at offering a seat when there's an obvious difficulty. The only times I've not been offered a seat is when the train is so packed I'm stuck near the entrance so the crutch isn't visible to those seated.

VintagePerfumista · 11/12/2016 11:09

I think you'll find that the category "some elderly person" has a much right to the priority seat as you and your baby btw.

But don't let facts get in the way of some good old MN ageism.

TheBogQueen · 11/12/2016 11:10

Some men with their kids. Grin

Very funny - I've experienced 'entitled dad' a few times and it's like they cannot believe that people aren't kissing their backsides because they are out with their children.

On one occasion I had a man ranting at me shouting 'you're welcome' as I cycled past. All he had done was prevent his three year from running into a cycle path in front of me. I was mentally preparing - in a split second- to throw myself off my bike into the road rather than hit the little girl.
Apparently I wasn't grateful enough Confused

I think women are more used to putting up with things when out with their kids. Some men expect a frigging medal.

StripedTulip · 11/12/2016 11:15

Would it harm them to move back a row?

Yes, it just might. Have you ever been on an ortho ward full of elderly women with broken wrists or hips? It's a sobering answer to your question.

StripedTulip · 11/12/2016 11:18

But don't let facts get in the way of some good old MN ageism.

Indeed.

I want to come back here in 50 years time to read some of MN stalwarts when they're 70 or 80 and dealing with entitled parents in everyday life.

haystack10 · 11/12/2016 11:18

Don't understand Misery? You'd like the elderly or disabled person at the front to give you their priority seat so that you can sit in front of/ next to your pram. But if an elderly person gets on you will give up the seat anyway? Don't get it, sorry?

DeepanKrispanEven · 11/12/2016 11:21

Priority seating is the worst IMHO! I have a small baby, the majority of buses have to have a disabled bay (and some newer models have a designated pushchair bay) the priority seats are directly behind the pushchair/disabled bay, in order to monitor the child/disabled person you need to sit in a priority seat...this is where the fun begins! Numerous occasions, I enter a half empty bus, the bay is free but some elderly person is sitting in the priority seat. I have had to stand in the aisle whilst the 'entitled' person sits in their special seat!?

Well, yes, given that that's what the seat is there for. Why does your wish to sit near your child trump their right to sit in the designated seating? For some people the extra leg room in the seat near the buggy area is vital.

Wonkydonkey44 · 11/12/2016 11:25

My daughter has a visible disability and has never been offered a seat once by anyone.
We manage , she holds on and we treat it as a bit of a game wobbling around .
People are definitely getting more entitled!

ghostspirit · 11/12/2016 11:27

Someone up thread said about empty pushchair in the buggy/ wheel chair area. I hate this to is so selfish
I see a mum on the bus do it almost every morning. Gets on bus parks buggy takes baby put gos to gets a seat.in feel so bad for other mums missing the bus on the school runs etc.