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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad on bus 'look at all these people sitting who won't let a child have a seat'

415 replies

Pipistrelle40 · 10/12/2016 20:46

Just that really, he got on with two boys aged about 10 and 8. People looked at each other and laughed. Old enough to stand surely.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 10/12/2016 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theclick · 10/12/2016 21:28

So basically, he wanted to sit down and then one of the kids would probably sit on his lap. With that tone, I doubt he really cared that the kids themselves were standing.

DoYouRememberJustinBobby · 10/12/2016 21:29

Ugh worst kind of parent. I swear some parents go to classes on how to bring up entitled children because I don't remember people behaving like this even a decade ago so it can't be learnt from experience behaviour but learnt in class behaviour. How extraordinary to pay for such classes.

Ilyich · 10/12/2016 21:30

You've got to feel sorry for those kids. They are not being taught the basics of etiquette. Life will be an uphill struggle for them.

Crumbs1 · 10/12/2016 21:30

Gosh my kids learned to give up seats for adults from age about 6years. They still always instinctively stand and offer seat to anyone less able to stand -pregnant, elderly, people with babies etc.

BolivarAtasco · 10/12/2016 21:32

DH grew up in London and he says he was expected to give up his seat for an adult if one came along.

Whattocallbabyboy · 10/12/2016 21:35

36wks pregnant with SPD last week I was only person who offered an elderly lady a seat. Couldn't believe how entitled some people are. Luckily we were soon both seated and she told me about the fall she had last time she was on a bus.

I teach my children to offer seat. It does annoy me if we don't even get a thank you though!

GabsAlot · 10/12/2016 21:35

bloody entitled twat

feel sorry for hi kids growing up with those morals

as a kids iwas told to sit on the floor at home when adults came or sit on parents laps on tubes/buses even give up my seat if an adult wanted it

BratFarrarsPony · 10/12/2016 21:47

the only children that get a seat are toddlers who would skitter about without one.
After that children should be trained to stand for older people.
You dont want them to be hulking teens sitting while old ladies stand , after all.

HoopsandEverything · 10/12/2016 22:07

Always give up my seat to toddlers - I think their balance it too dodgy to trust and if a bus brakes suddenly they're fucked.

I also do it because it's not that easy to balance for two of you if you pick up a toddler, and hold on. And if it's a mama, you never know if she's in the early stages of pregnancy and feel exhausted and queasy.

I wouldn't give up a seat to an 8 or 10 year old unless the bus was really busy and they were getting squashed / shoved whilst standing. Then I would.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/12/2016 22:21

I agree, it's a disgustingly entitled way to behave and to teach your children to behave Angry

Mine are taught to give up a seat when they're old enough to stand and hold on without being flung about the bus if it's a bit, um, exciting. But not on a train for 2h (our standard train journey) - I will take the little one onto my lap for that (he's 4) but wouldn't make him stand all that way.

Original poster
Pipistrelle40 · 10/12/2016 23:30

Yes people did laugh out loud, quite a feeling of camaraderie by the end of the journey.

Would might give my seat to a toddler but not one that gets on the bus and screams 'I want a seat' repeatedly.

This occurred in Barnes (SW London) incidentally, home of many a z list celebrity. Father had a familiar look but might have been the nether regions i was cleaning up last night.

OP posts:
IMissGrannyW · 10/12/2016 23:42

my dd aged about 9 got up from her seat unprompted by me (I hadn't noticed) to give her seat to older person.

A RIPPLE of approval ran round that bus, and it was so lovely for me as a parent to feel that, and to make sure DD was aware of it once we got off.

Actually, I find that although toddlers usually need a seat (and can usually sit on a parent's lap) most children find it quite exciting to be stood up. The stops and starts and the turns are like a fairground ride for them. My DD and her cousin used to giggle, giggle, giggle. And when we went on the tube, used to try and jump and catch the ceiling handles. And once they got bigger, try and swing off them (not in rush hour, obvs - we were tourists). In fact, I'm sure many an adult cursed them and wished they were sitting down as they were laughing and laughing. (I found it sweet. Feel free to hand me a Xmas Biscuit

Lateralthinker2016 · 10/12/2016 23:50

I'd give up my seat for a kid to sit (safer)- I don't see how being an adult means you get priority....Hmm

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/12/2016 23:56

What a twat! I thought I was gonna click on and you'd be saying ages 3 and 4 (in which case he'd have a point) but there's no need for an 8 & 10yo to have their own seat at the expense of others.

Even with toddlers though I always thought it was the unwritten rule that they sat on an adults lap if it meant freeing up a space. That's what I've always done with DD!

I agree though people are losing their manners. Not public transport related but a few weeks ago when I was 7 months pregnant I went to the daytime part of a hen do (matinee theatre performance), there was another guest who was 8 month pregnant. Everyone (14 of us) met outside a pub across the road from the venue beforehand. Me and other lady very obviously pregnant. We went in where we found our booked table for 12 (because of the performance it was early fully booked and it's the best the hen could get). Us two preggos were slower so got to the table last and guess which two had to stand up for an hour? I don't want be be all entitled because I'm pregnant, but not one person offered us their seat and because other theatre goers were there there wasn't a single seat to be found. The bar staff were even trying to find us one. Maybe I've been brought up differently but I though it was quite bad mannered to let us both stand for an hour. And my back was bloody killing my the end!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 11/12/2016 00:06

I will give up my seat on a crowded tube for toddlers with nothing to hold onto. I will not give up my seat for parents trying to guilt commuters into moving or kids who are perfectly able to stand

^^ This!

I look able bodied but have numerous disabilities and it's pure agony for me on my bad days to stand up so I will sit if one available. Yesterday was one such day. My DS has AS. Yesterday bus wasn't too crowded so he sits on a seat. Bus gradually gets fuller and Lady gets on bus with a walking stick. I make him give his seat up and come and sit on my lap/stand near me. Lady looks across from the seat and thanked me. My DD will also happily give up her seat unprompted.

Will happily move for people using walkers / walking sticks etc, also very young children etc. I'm not moving for no one who tries to shame me into giving his DCs a seat.

ghostspirit · 11/12/2016 00:16

I wear both my baby's older one on back younger on front. I mostly stand because I find it easyer. People always offer me a seat. I always say no thank you. I only realised the other day that I'm in the way standing up Blush... if I do sit I offer my seat or my kids seat to who ever seems to need it.

newbiz · 11/12/2016 00:21

I don't give up seats for children - ever. I was brought up that children stand and adults sit and I always expect my children to get up to give an adult a seat. My 6 year old sits on my knee as they did as toddlers. Obviously if a parents made me aware of disability then of course I would move but a 10 & 11 year old as a matter of course, never. An older person, visibly disabled, pregnant person, yes of course but children, no.

RichardBucket · 11/12/2016 00:32

I wouldn't give up my seat for a child either. I look fine, but standing up for more than a minute or so puts me in a lot of pain.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 11/12/2016 00:37

ghostspirit dont worry you'll always be in the way Wink I'm only saying this because I was shopping in Asda recently and the colleague on the till behind the one I was using had to ask me to shift because my giant rucksack with all DSs things and mine and DDs medical things inside was getting in the way! Blush Grin

AwaywiththePixies27 · 11/12/2016 00:42

Francis lots do. I'd just came out of hospital earlier this year and was trying to do something nice with the DCs. Arranged a day out with friends. Bus home = massive queue and I was tired and in really bad pain, I was visibly limping, it didn't stop the lady literally cutting me up with the pram nearly knocking me flying just so they could jump the queue. I just wanted to sit down Sad Yes I know not most Mums are like that, but I bet my pram lady will be said tube man in ten years time wanting people to give her 10yo DC a seat.

Tokelau · 11/12/2016 01:01

I hurt my leg earlier this year, and couldn't put any weight on one leg. I managed to hobble from the car into minor injuries. Everyone watched me hop in, supported by DH. There were no seats, and no one offered to let me sit. I know that some of them were injured themselves, but everyone had at least one able bodied person with them, taking a seat. Some people had the whole family with them! I had to stand until someone was called in to be seen, and I could finally sit down.

mummydawn07 · 11/12/2016 01:13

when I was heavily pregnant with my first daughter me and my partner got on a crowded bus, it was around xmas time so the bus was packed.. and the only person to offer me a seat was an old lady who must of been at least in her late 60s, out of all the young ignorant people on the bus just the one old lady, I declined and thanked her a lot for offering but I was brought up to have respect for my elders and manners.. it's just a shame most people these days don't have manners or respect for other people.

DeepanKrispanEven · 11/12/2016 01:23

But sometimes kids show up the adults. I was on a bus one morning a few weeks ago at a time when there were quite a lot of children from one local secondary school. One got up for me, another got up for a pregnant lady. Only to be rewarded for their pains by another adult pushing past them muttering loudly about school kids standing around and getting in her way.

CaraAspen · 11/12/2016 01:37

Twat. Should not have wasted his breath.