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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH sold house to give MIL money

149 replies

CantMoveOnFrom · 10/12/2016 13:53

This happened a long time ago and I am so bitter about it I really want to move on from it but I can't.

Myself and DH have been together for 10 years. When we met we both owned small flats. A few months into our relationship MIL said she needed money and DH sold his flat, gave MIL the money and moved into rented. We had only been together a few months and although I expressed my concern at the time I wasn't in a position to put a stop to it we weren't even living together.

My small flat is not worth enough for us to get a family sized home so we have been in rented ever since. I believe MIL manipulated DH into this- are there any parents out there who would accept this from their child? I don't know any.

She is not destitute has many nice holidays etc.

I try to forget about it but now we are struggling a bit and in rented accommodation with children and I am really bitter about MIL because of it. I don't mention it to DH as he thinks his mum is amazing and I don't want to upset him. I just can't reconcile a mother doing this or accepting this. How can I love on? I am so angry.

OP posts:

Devlesko · 21/02/2021 14:32

Oh, bloody hell. Who keeps resurecting zombies.

katy1213 · 21/02/2021 14:32

But you've posted on this before. I'd resent it too, but you can't change what's done. I'd probably tell her to her face exactly what I thought of her and certainly go very low contact -but it would change anything. Your mother-in-law is greedy and your husband is/was a twit.

katy1213 · 21/02/2021 14:33

Oh lord,it was ancient last time it was resurrected.

SparkysMagicPiano · 21/02/2021 14:35

But you've posted on this before

Yes.....in 2016. This is a ZOMBIE thread.

No idea why @LadyEloise felt the need to resurrect it.

CeibaTree · 21/02/2021 14:35

This is a tricky situation as you'd only been together a few months and weren't living together when he sold the flat, and then you married him and had children with him with the full knowledge of the financial situation. So although I can see why you are miffed about this, I think you are being very unreasonable, particularly if you chose to have more than one child (apologies if they are in fact twins!) knowing that you would be in rented accommodation for the foreseeable (not that I think there is anything wrong with living in rented but you clearly do, and each subsequent child costs a lot of money which you could have saved towards a house deposit if that is what is important to you).

CeibaTree · 21/02/2021 14:36

Ha! Just seen this is a zombie thread! Hopefully you are all sorted now OP and living in a lovely family sized home :)

sadie9 · 21/02/2021 14:36

The simple fact is that you and your DH don't earn enough money for you to afford a house. That's the real issue.
It's him you are angry with. But it's easier to blame her.
It was HIS choice to sell and HIS choice to give her the money.
If he hadn't given her the money, she would have got money somewhere else.
How much money are we talking about?

sadie9 · 21/02/2021 14:37

[hmmm]

Hoppinggreen · 21/02/2021 14:51

I kind of get why you are annoyed, you could have used that money for a house deposit BUT you hadn’t been together long so it wasn’t really your call at the time.. also you did marry him knowing he did this
I would be pissed off at him rather than her if anyone

thosetalesofunexpected · 21/02/2021 14:59

Hi Op

I get understand why you feel the way you do about mother in law !

She your mother in Law sounds very emotionally manipulative,and demanding and i suspect she is also very Needy person?

Any more examples of your mother in Law demanding/emotionally manipulative ways etc?

Op
Do you think she your mother in law is like this way then?

sunshinesupermum · 21/02/2021 15:03

Not RTFT but you could possibly benefit from counselling over this issue, otherwise your resentment could lead to your marriage breaking down.

sunshinesupermum · 21/02/2021 15:04

CeibaTree what's a zombie thread?

CaffineismyBFF · 21/02/2021 15:13

@CantMoveOnFrom

It wasn't his mums it was his money he got from an inheritance on his dad's side.

I like the comments telling me it is none of my business. I really need to get over this but I can barely stomach MIL for doing this I just can't believe a parent would.

That is because YOU wouldn't do it. It doesn't mean other people wouldn't be CFs. She probably reeled out the "I've paid for you your whole life" rant and he fell for it hook and line. As many others have said, yes it is in the past and at a point where he didn't need to discuss with you since it was early days in your relationship. It is a case of it is what it is.

Maybe he will get it back in inheritance (minus 40% tax of course)

dapsdaps · 21/02/2021 15:31

@Allthewaves

You had only been together a few months and his flat was his own to do with as he pleased. If you were really not happy wih his choice then you should have ended the relationship

This. It wasn't really anything to do with you.

SoupDragon · 21/02/2021 15:35

This thread is from 2016!!

A little over four years ago.

Nanny0gg · 21/02/2021 15:36

@sunshinesupermum

CeibaTree what's a zombie thread?

One that's old and has been resurrected for some obscure reason. Very rarely because the OP has come back to update.

And this one is over 4 years old!!

Nanny0gg · 21/02/2021 15:36

@sunshinesupermum

Not RTFT but you could possibly benefit from counselling over this issue, otherwise your resentment could lead to your marriage breaking down.

If you RTFT you might have noticed the date...

SourMilkGhyll · 21/02/2021 15:38

Zombie
Zombie
Zombie
Zombie
Zombie
Zombie
Zombie
Zombie

luxxlisbon · 21/02/2021 15:42

This happened 10 years ago, you really need to let it go. After this happened you still chose to move in with him, chose get married and build a life together and chose to have children together.
It sounds like you blame anything you don't like about your life, small flat or limited finances on this situation between your husband and MIL that happened in the first few months of your relationship which isn't fair.

SparkysMagicPiano · 21/02/2021 15:46

This happened 10 years ago, you really need to let it go.

It was 10 years ago in 2016 when this thread was started.

OP isn't the one who needs to let things go!

Fuckingcrustybread · 21/02/2021 16:06

We had only been together a few months and although I expressed my concern at the time I wasn't in a position to put a stop to it we weren't even living together
It wasn't any of your business then and it's not now.

LizzieBirmingham · 21/02/2021 16:22

I think yabu because this happened ten years ago and a few months into your relationship. You chose to continue the relationship and get married anyway, knowing that this had happened. If it’s something you find you can’t forgive or move on from, you shouldn’t have pursued the relationship any further.

Tistheseason17 · 21/02/2021 16:54

Do people actively seek out really old threads to reactivate?

Must have been good as I RTFT and did not spot 2016! 😂😂😂

MtnGal2025 · 21/02/2021 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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