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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be livid that school announced today that grandparents not allowed at xmas assemblies?!

124 replies

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 20:39

I'm beyond angry.
DS5 & DD go to infants, the same school my oldest 4 went to so we've been there since 2005.
It's always been costum for a while now that younger siblings are only allowed at dress rehearsals but grandparents were always welcome.

But today we were sent a letter, that GPs can only attend dress rehearsal too. This is dumped on people AFTER reception children's dress rehearsals this morning - so a lot of angry families! They all arranged for next week not being told this rule in advance!

Personally I'm fuming. My mum is flying in tomorrow, her stay specifically timed so she can see grandkids plays and be here for DS4's birthday As she lives in Hungary she misses out on a lot - how could I possibly tell her she is now not allowed to go?!

MIL was actually going to see DD's dress rehearsal but DD was sick in the night (as well as DS5 and the later DS3) so she wasn't in school.
PILs have been putting us up for the last 6 months (building work on our house) and was really looking forward to seeing the kids as well.

Am I supposed to really say to both grandmas "Sorry, you are not allowed"?
What kind of rubbish is this?
I'm so very upset, I'm sick as well, this year has been mainly quite shit and we were all looking forward to these little performances.
I don't know what to do and although I will talk to HT on Monday about this (grovelling if must) I can't help feel so disappointed & sad & angry.

AIBU that this is just not fair & was/is being handled really badly?

OP posts:
Original poster
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 20:40

Custom? I think I misspelled it

OP posts:
drinkingchanelno5 · 09/12/2016 20:41

Is it because there isn't enough room? If so fair enough. It's hardly fair if some kids miss out on having anyone there because seats are taken up by other kids having two parents and four grandparents there.

Rainbowqueeen · 09/12/2016 20:42

School has handled this badly. You should have received at least one months notice so you could plan accordingly.

I'm guessing there is possibly a valid reason behind it is parents missing out on seats at final performance. I could live with this IF it was handled better. You are right to be cross.

ChocolateButton15 · 09/12/2016 20:46

They are being unreasonable to change it at such short notice! I imagine they are going to have lots of angry parents on Monday!
We only get 2 tickets per child for one performance, this would probably be a fairer system going forward, I get why they limit the tickets.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/12/2016 20:47

So grandparents can't attend the actual play? I'm assuming this is because they have too many attendees otherwise? In which case I think YABU, parents should come first, then siblings (or can they not attend either?) then grandparents. I sympathise with your DM and ILs, but your mum will just be chuffed to see you all anyway, play or no play. I think going to the HT is a bit OTT, sorry OP!

At my DD's nativity every family got 2 tickets (so most would use 1 per parent) and babes in arms came 'free', and they asked that parents hand back tickets they weren't using and those spare ones would get dished out nearer the time depending on need (with siblings being the first to get them). Ideal way to do it IMO, on the day the church was so crowded that of it was a free for all people would be spilling out the doors and some parents would be stuck at the back. I know it's not easy but it's hard to find a fair way of doing this

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/12/2016 20:48

However as PP said it sounds like the school are really disorganised and should have stated the no grandparent rule from the start!

BeanAnTi · 09/12/2016 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bestthingever · 09/12/2016 20:52

It is appalling to announce this change after this year's dress rehearsal. However I'd be pleased if our school had that option as we only get two tickets so the grandparents never get to go to a performance.
Our school has a mums into school afternoon to coincide with Mother's Day. It's been going for seven years and all female relatives were included. This year my mum happened to be visiting so I signed her up. The day before the school called and said too many mums wanted to go so they had to give her space to a mum. She was gutted. Then she became seriously ill in the summer and she will probably never be strong enough to go to a school event again. Schools are really bloody insensitive to how important these things are to grandparents. They should be encouraging their involvement, not acting like they are second best.

AButterfly · 09/12/2016 20:53

Its always been 2 tickets per family at the schools around here.
I'm actually surprised to hear you could previously take more if I'm honest. My parents have never seen my children's school plays, grandparents only seem to attend when parents can't.

ShelaghTurner · 09/12/2016 20:54

YANBU. I'd be livid too and both sets of grandparents are local. But having planned it all when the school calendar came out I'd be gutted to have to tell them they couldn't go too. Bad handling from the school.

engineersthumb · 09/12/2016 20:55

The short notice is annoying but it's only a play so not worth getting angry about. Focus the anger on educational short falls.... hopefully few:)

Bestthingever · 09/12/2016 20:58

Have you had a change of leadership at the school? When we got a new head he changed such as not allowing parents to attend harvest assembly, which had been a lovely school tradition. When you've been a parent at the school for a while, it can be very annoying to have these things changed so I can understand your feelings.

Starlight2345 · 09/12/2016 20:59

Just curious... have they given a reason for the change new head.

Though yes to change rules at that late date is unreasonable..Can you go in the office and explain your situation.. It is certainly worth a try.

ALittleMop · 09/12/2016 21:04

Another cackhanded amateur school, that is not up to speed with the many new configurations of families and childcare.

There are a couple of kids at our school who live with their grandparents, who are their main carers. What happens then?

Our school does the two tickets per performance, per kid. These are transferable, or you can hand them back in so others who have put their name on a list for extras can bring whoever they like.

Original poster
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 21:04

I'm actually too upset as well as sick to reply separatly , but wanted to add that same HT for at least 15 years, same hall & 2 performances to spread the load, same number of kids (9 classes in total for last 8 years) and there was never not enough place.
As far as I'm concerned nothing obvious has changed!

And yes, there could be new guidelines, but we hadn't been told them until today!
Who the actual fuck does that?

OP posts:
Ilovetorrentialrain · 09/12/2016 21:05

Hi OP have they explicitly said no grandparents or just that they're limiting tickets? How many performances are there? E.g. Could you go to one and GPs to another if there is, say, a two ticket limit per show?

I'd definitely ask at the office, but sorry I disagree on asking to speak to the head, I wouldn't take a HT's time for something like this. Frustrating though.

Original poster
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 21:07

engineer

Did you not understand my opening post? My mum hasn't seen her grandkids since January. We timed her visit so she can see the plays. I'm sure it's not something others might get upset about but she will. Can you not empathise a little?

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 09/12/2016 21:07

I doubt it's 'grandparents can't go', but more along the lines of 'two tickets per student', which is fair if it meant that people were missing about because some people wanted to bring Great Aunt Bessie and they guy that delivers their newspaper.

We do four tickets per family, but we can only do that because we have a full theatre that we use. People are asked to give back any extra tickets, then once everyone has booked, we offer extras for sale (max 2 extras per family). I think it's very fair.

Original poster
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 21:07

There are no tickets.

OP posts:
whinetasting · 09/12/2016 21:08

The school have handled it badly, and should have let you know sooner in order that you could plan. However, I know that my children's school has to limit tickets to 2 per child after a few plays where there physically wasn't room to get any more people in the hall, largely due to the fact that several families brought both parents, both sets of grandparents plus assorted uncles and aunts! One family had an entire row while others weren't able to get in at all.

SpeckledyBanana · 09/12/2016 21:11

2 tickets per child here, too. Same as nursery.

Penhacked · 09/12/2016 21:11

Sorry to hear this Zing. The short notice is bad. Could you phone and ask if she can come instead of you?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/12/2016 21:11

I think it's a numbers issue. It is unfair if some have 4/5 people there so then some parents have to miss out.

Just because nothing 'obvioys' has changed, it doesn't mean there isn't a reason for it.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/12/2016 21:12

*obvious.

EweAreHere · 09/12/2016 21:13

Parents have to trump grandparents when space availability is an issue.

It sounds like the school left it a bit late, but they may have realized the number issues were out of control.