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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be livid that school announced today that grandparents not allowed at xmas assemblies?!

124 replies

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 20:39

I'm beyond angry.
DS5 & DD go to infants, the same school my oldest 4 went to so we've been there since 2005.
It's always been costum for a while now that younger siblings are only allowed at dress rehearsals but grandparents were always welcome.

But today we were sent a letter, that GPs can only attend dress rehearsal too. This is dumped on people AFTER reception children's dress rehearsals this morning - so a lot of angry families! They all arranged for next week not being told this rule in advance!

Personally I'm fuming. My mum is flying in tomorrow, her stay specifically timed so she can see grandkids plays and be here for DS4's birthday As she lives in Hungary she misses out on a lot - how could I possibly tell her she is now not allowed to go?!

MIL was actually going to see DD's dress rehearsal but DD was sick in the night (as well as DS5 and the later DS3) so she wasn't in school.
PILs have been putting us up for the last 6 months (building work on our house) and was really looking forward to seeing the kids as well.

Am I supposed to really say to both grandmas "Sorry, you are not allowed"?
What kind of rubbish is this?
I'm so very upset, I'm sick as well, this year has been mainly quite shit and we were all looking forward to these little performances.
I don't know what to do and although I will talk to HT on Monday about this (grovelling if must) I can't help feel so disappointed & sad & angry.

AIBU that this is just not fair & was/is being handled really badly?

OP posts:
SixthSenseless · 09/12/2016 21:28

If there are no tickets, just walk your Mum in. I bet no one will challenge her.
And if they do breezily deny all knowledge of the letter, nope, never received it, and say 'and Mum's come all the way from Hungary on foot to see it... They'll let you in. Calm down and play it cool.

hiccupgirl · 09/12/2016 21:28

I agree you should have had much more notice of this change but if your DM really, really needs to see the plays then I would send her in your place if you can.

Like most others on here, we can 2 tickets per family and then you can ask for spare tickets after a deadline. We don't have any family nearby so DS has never had a grandparent watch him in a play. I think schools have to limit numbers so every child has at least 1 person there rather than some kids have loads of family and others then can't get in.

Original poster
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 21:31

Again, there are no tickets. I can not comprehend why.
If there were tickets (2/child/show) there would be no problem at all as anyone could go who has a ticket.

Year 2 play is in a fairly big church anyway! How could there be not enough places???

We will swap round of who goes when so it's 2 people at a time.
No limits to dress rehearsal so we will all go to DS2's on Monday (sans FIL, he's away until Tue evening) as DH & MIL can't do Wed anyway and I'm helping to take kids to church & back so couldn't leave mum home alone with MiniZing as he's only 2 & mum can't speak English and couldn't reach me if there was an emergency)

Mum & I will see DD on Tue morning (school), MIL & DH will see her on Wed morning (school) and I will be going with FIL on Wed afternoon to see DS5 (church).
I'm gonna have to make sure it's ok
If numbers are the only problem we will limit it to 2 per event. But no grandparents - I'm not having that

OP posts:
Lunde · 09/12/2016 21:32

One of my DD's christmas performances had to be rapidly rescehduled to a different venue because a fire inspection dramatically reduced the numbers allowed

Original poster
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 21:32

kali

Yes, but only to DS2's dress rehearsal on Monday - and that is if he's better by then. He was sick again 2 hours ago.
It was DD's one this morning we all missed as she was puking.

OP posts:
Cel982 · 09/12/2016 21:34

It's frustrating, and they certainly should have given you more notice, but your reaction is so wildly out of proportion that there must be something else going on. I don't believe that any grandparent would be as upset by missing a primary school Christmas play as you seem to be on their behalf. It's not going to delay your Mum seeing the kids in the slightest, is it?

AmberLav · 09/12/2016 21:35

Banning grandparents will mean some main carers are banned, so just tell the school they are guilty of discrimination.

If they instead limit it to 2 tickets per child, then that is non-discriminatory. You would then have to decide if you were willing not to see your own child, to let your mother watch it...

Flyingbellycopters · 09/12/2016 21:35

But today we were sent a letter, that GPs can only attend dress rehearsal too. This is dumped on people AFTER reception children's dress rehearsals this morning - so a lot of angry families! They all arranged for next week not being told this rule in advance!

Ask if they can do another performance/ rehearsal? Same thing happened at our school couple years back with a last minute change of date of performance of nativity - major tradition- and people had made arrangements and babysitting for siblings etc and so they put in another performance. This is somewhere that does 2tickets per kid and then names in hat for all the extras or given back tickets. And most families seem to have 2/3 folk.
Can you ask other parents if they have spares could they give to you? Do you have school chat board or FB page?

Original poster
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 21:35

hiccupgirl

Yes, she could go instead of me - but the whole problem is that she is a grandparent so not allowed!

OP posts:
ALittleMop · 09/12/2016 21:36

So its complicated, OP but perfectly doable.
Did you actually want all 5 of you (plus other kids maybe?) to all be able to go each show together?
I hate to break it to you, but if so this new rule might have been made for you.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 09/12/2016 21:37

Good luck with it all anyway OP I hope everyone gets to enjoy the shows, and feels better soon too!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/12/2016 21:37

That did cross my mind littlemop

Original poster
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 21:38

Flying

There are NO TICKETS.
There's one rehearsal and one performance only for year 2 (DS5) at church.
There are 2 performances for Reception (DD) at school.
All next week.

We missed the rehearsal for DD today as she was sick all night and stayed home.

OP posts:
Suttonmum1 · 09/12/2016 21:38

Great idea I'd say. Would be good if parents could see their own kids sometimes instead of the hall being full of extended family. Poor notice, admittedly, and perhaps 2 tickets only might be a better way to deal with it, but a big yes for cutting out all the extra relatives that some families always bring.

LunaLoveg00d · 09/12/2016 21:40

I think this is one of these posts in which "fuming" and "livid" should be replaced with "peeved" and "slightly miffed".

School do not do these things just to piss off parents and grandparents. They are limited on space and if every child brings two parents, four grandparents, siblings, aunts etc etc there's no space. We always get letters saying space is strictly limited and that it's first come, first served on tickets.

Original poster
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/12/2016 21:41

littlemop

No. Not all 5 or 6, if you include MiniZing.

For hopefully the last time the problem is not numbers.
We can sort that.
It's that they said NO GRANDPARENTS ALLOWED TO PERFORMANCES and that they said it TODAY

After people have made arrangements and Reception families have missed out on the opportunity of GPs going today instead of next week.

Sorry for shouting.

I hope the problem is clear now.

OP posts:
Witchend · 09/12/2016 21:42

Too short notice, but I think it is reasonable as a rule.

We always officially had the 2 ticket rule. But the real situation was that a couple of people would turn up with both parents, 4 grandparents, assorted uncles and aunts and a very bored teenage cousin who would sigh loudly and play on their phone. They'd usually put one person in at ridiculously early time and take up huge numbers of seats meaning some of the parents were standing outside hoping to be able to catch their child's line.
It was the same parents that did this every year, so it wasn't a case of one family visiting from Australia as a one off, which might be understandable,

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/12/2016 21:42

OP just ask HT on Monday if your mum can go in place of your husband then, but don't go in all guns blazing it wouldn't look good!

I suspect my mum and MIL are secretly pleased that they've never been asked to a nativity, school plays are universally and Uniformally shite....except when my DD did her nativity, she was utterly brilliant and cute and the exception and I cried WinkGrin

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/12/2016 21:44

OP do you think even if you did ask for your mum to go in place of your DH, they'd say no because other parents would kick up a stink?

It's ridiculous that they don't have a ticket system!

SirChenjin · 09/12/2016 21:44

Disguise them in dark glasses and wide brimmed hats and introduce them as your long lost cousins from Peru - it's the only way OP

Kirriemuir · 09/12/2016 21:45

I think you need to calm down a bit.

Be thankful you get to see it at all. We get one ticket per family and that is it.

Yes I appreciate it's disappointing but I am sure there are lots of other things to do as a family.

Whatever55 · 09/12/2016 21:46

First World problems.....2 tickets are enough

LunaLoveg00d · 09/12/2016 21:47

Also most parents I know (and grandparents) think of the school Christmas performance as one of those chores you're expected to do. You go along, clap politely, enjoy the 2 seconds your own child has in the limelight and grin and bear it through everyone else's little darlings.

It's never something which you're counting the sleeps to in excitement.

ALittleMop · 09/12/2016 21:47

Well you can all go, though Zing, as you have outlined above, to one thing or the other, so what's the problem?

As per my previous posts, the No GrandParents specifically thing, is bullshit and I am with you on that - if they need to limit numbers they need to just say 2 per kid or whatever. Perhaps you could helpfully suggest that for next year.

HearTheThunderRoar · 09/12/2016 21:49

YABU and are well overreacting. It's only a school play at the end of the day. My parent's lived a 200 miles away and my PiL lived abroad, it would never occur to them to make a special trip for a school play.

I remember one of DD's school play several years ago, it was parents/carer's only, yet some grandparents still turned up and took front row seats Angry

They do not make these rules for the fun of it, if they changed it at such short notice, there would be a damn good reason for it. Possibly because of insurance / health and safety regulations or maybe due to every relative of one child turning up.

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