to be livid that school announced today that grandparents not allowed at xmas assemblies?!

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

I'm beyond angry.
DS5 & DD go to infants, the same school my oldest 4 went to so we've been there since 2005.
It's always been costum for a while now that younger siblings are only allowed at dress rehearsals but grandparents were always welcome.

But today we were sent a letter, that GPs can only attend dress rehearsal too. This is dumped on people AFTER reception children's dress rehearsals this morning - so a lot of angry families! They all arranged for next week not being told this rule in advance!

Personally I'm fuming. My mum is flying in tomorrow, her stay specifically timed so she can see grandkids plays and be here for DS4's birthday As she lives in Hungary she misses out on a lot - how could I possibly tell her she is now not allowed to go?!

MIL was actually going to see DD's dress rehearsal but DD was sick in the night (as well as DS5 and the later DS3) so she wasn't in school.
PILs have been putting us up for the last 6 months (building work on our house) and was really looking forward to seeing the kids as well.

Am I supposed to really say to both grandmas "Sorry, you are not allowed"?
What kind of rubbish is this?
I'm so very upset, I'm sick as well, this year has been mainly quite shit and we were all looking forward to these little performances.
I don't know what to do and although I will talk to HT on Monday about this (grovelling if must) I can't help feel so disappointed & sad & angry.

AIBU that this is just not fair & was/is being handled really badly?

[LineyReborn]

This is like Cancel The Cheque.

There Are No Tickets.

[insan1tyscartching]

Grandparents were only allowed at dress rehearsal at dd's school because of numbers. It's poor that you didn't get notice but I don't think it's unreasonable to only have parents at the performance when space is limited.

[Bluetrews25]

I was fed up of not being able to see what was going on for the hordes of GPs and aunties and uncles in front of me at the nativity.
Never mind, OP, you could always hold up your ipad and video it for them....

[FaFoutis]

Short notice isn't good, but I get sick of the grandparents turning up an hour early and 'reserving' whole rows of seats for their friends and family. I have often ended up standing up at the back.

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

Cherry

DH can only go Monday morning to see DS5 & Wed morning to see DD.

Mum doesn't need to go instead of him as she could go Tue morning or Wed morning instead of me or Wed afternoon instead of FIL.
That's not the problem.

I don't know if they would kick up a stink but I suffer from anxiety and this has just made me feel very bad.
It was all organised and now it's not and I'm worried whether she can go or not to see DD.
(She can see DS5 on Monday)

I'm sorry if my use of strong words, that convey my feelings make people uncomfortable but yes I'm angry, not just miffed.
We had a shit year and I'm already hanging by a thread as we still don't know if we can move back home before Christmas or not.
I'll calm down when I know what the solution is. Until then I'm trying my best to not have a panic attack and really don't appreciate "calm down" type of comments as they are not helpful at all

[engineersthumb]

Hi
we have GPS abroad also. In the scheme of things spending time with each other is important but the play really isn't. That's intended to help provide a bit of perspective apologies if that sounds like a lack of empathy.

[Trifleorbust]

Not going to tell you to calm down, OP, but the answer to your question is yes, you seem to be a little unreasonable about this.

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

Luna

You are not my mum.
She is very much looking forward to it. Hasn't seen them since January and has no other grandchildren but ours.

I don't know what "Cancel the Cheque" means

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Agree with what PP have said with people who aren't parents taking up space. I'm lucky, staff at DD's school actually brought parents to the front for the performance this year and grandparents had to lump being at the back.

[MariamaMay]

Maybe there is a safeguarding issue? And if so, the school might not be able to say.

What seems to frustrating/infuriating is how the school have handled it.

[Mynestisfullofempty]

Whatever55 There ARE NO tickets!

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

OP does your mum know she's not allowed to the play now? I honestly think she'll just be happy to spend the time with you all, it won't ruin her visit. I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact that the HT may say no even if you do beg, and find another activity to do with your mum and the kids that everyone will enjoy

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Hasn't seen them since January and has no other grandchildren but ours.

Not going to the play doesn't mean she isn't going to see them though.

[SirChenjin]

Agree with Trifle. I can see this is disappointing for you, but your language is quite extreme for something that is ultimately out with your control- and the bottom line is they will still see the dress rehearsal.

My dear departed FIL used to say "change the things you can and accept the things you can't ". The only thing you can change here is your reaction- try instead to focus on the lovely time you will have with your family over Christmas

[Manumission]

Livid is just SUCH a strong word OP

[LineyReborn]

'Cancel the Cheque' refers to a thread where lots of people read the OP's first post, didn't read any of the OP's updates, but posted a (by then) irrelevant opinion anyway.

You'll get lots of those, OP.

[LunaLoveg00d]

Unless the grandparent is jetting in for just one afternoon to see the play and then leave immediately after, it's really not that big a deal though, especially as the child will have people to watch their performances.

Also OP seems to have 6 kids and there are only 2 performing - I'm sure granny wants to see the other 4 just as much. She may be looking forward to the play but she will be looking forward much more to the one to one time with her grandchildren. OP's reaction is very disproportionate.

[AcrossthePond55]

The 'no grandparents' thing is just weird. So, Gramma can't come but Great-Aunt Minerva or Cousin Sissy can? Maybe they should have said 'no old people'.

So technically there is no actual limit to the number of people who can attend?

Hell, I'd just show up with everyone and say "No, these aren't grandparents. They're the next door neighbours".

The school needs to get its shit together.

[SheldonCRules]

So you plan to ignore the rules anyway?

You do realise that they will still get to spend time together regardless of the nativity play. Instead on whining about the play you may want to spare a though to any child under safeguarding at the moment or those who don't have living grandparents to spend Christmas with.

[JennyOnAPlate]

Surely spending time with the grandchildren is the main thing? My pil will see my dds for the first time in a year next weekend and there's no nativity involved. I'm struggling to understand why you're so annoyed.

[willstarttomorrow]

It is probably a capacity issue. Our family live hundreds of miles away so we never needed more than 2 tickets. Dp's funeral sadly was the day before one of DD's christmas plays and family happened to be around. In this instance school were more than happy to accomodate and I am sure if you were to talk to school and explain they will do what they can. However school halls do not expand at christmas so it is only reasonable to expect they limit numbers somehow.

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

Thank you Maramia and those who get why I'm frustrated.

I really can't say anything about people's reasons for not going.
Some can't, some don't care.
If parents can't go why couldn't some grandparents take their places?
Once DS4 's godfather went instead of me to support him as I fell ill and DH was away. Nobody bat an eyelid.

I most certainly do not agree with "extras" taking places away from parents/main carers.
But to my knowledge it never happened.
I've been to most of these things in the last 11 years and it was mainly full but not bursting and some times not even full.

Anyway, I need to try and sleep (4 of our kids have been ill so I'm expecting an eventful night).

Thanks for all comments

[Herschellmum]

My school only allowed 2 ticket (at £2.50 each) per FAMILY, so despite the fact I have 3 kids at the school I'm only allowed 2 tickets. But I guess at least it helps in cases like this. So my husband and my mother will attend, but I'll stay home with my youngest.

[eggyface]

I don't understand how they police it if there are no tickets and also they are deciding not to have grandparents.

Does the person on the door know every child's parents by name and face? Do they tick off your child's name when you show ID that you are parents? How come if you're just a bit of a wrinkly mum and look like a granny or if you're a glamorous facelifted grandmother who had her children at 15?

Quite aside from the issue that some children's main carers may be grandparents as pp pointed out.

I think they must just mean 2 tickets per performance or 2 tickets per child so that 2 people close to the child can see the play.

In which case yab a little u as you've arranged this massive thing where everyone comes on different days. I appreciate the space feels big for you but do you think it would be just as spacious is everyone brought double the numbers?

[MrSlant]

What makes me very sad is that I have bought my allotted 2 tickets per performance for the three of DS3's shows and out of a family with full compliment of grandparents and aunties and uncles I will give away one of each pair because no one but me appears to give the tiniest shit about my beautiful, anxious, little boy who is going to be on stage even though it makes him so scared.

Seems stupid I suppose but take away from it that you have people who would love to spend time watching him even if they can't. How about throwing a concert at home and he can feel loved and invested in, plus he gets to be the star of the show?

BTW I didn't buy the tickets just to be shitty and take all the allocation I was allowed, I did sort of hope someone else would come too. I will go on my own to all three performances so he has someone there and give away the other tickets to families who need one.