to be livid that school announced today that grandparents not allowed at xmas assemblies?!

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

I'm beyond angry.
DS5 & DD go to infants, the same school my oldest 4 went to so we've been there since 2005.
It's always been costum for a while now that younger siblings are only allowed at dress rehearsals but grandparents were always welcome.

But today we were sent a letter, that GPs can only attend dress rehearsal too. This is dumped on people AFTER reception children's dress rehearsals this morning - so a lot of angry families! They all arranged for next week not being told this rule in advance!

Personally I'm fuming. My mum is flying in tomorrow, her stay specifically timed so she can see grandkids plays and be here for DS4's birthday As she lives in Hungary she misses out on a lot - how could I possibly tell her she is now not allowed to go?!

MIL was actually going to see DD's dress rehearsal but DD was sick in the night (as well as DS5 and the later DS3) so she wasn't in school.
PILs have been putting us up for the last 6 months (building work on our house) and was really looking forward to seeing the kids as well.

Am I supposed to really say to both grandmas "Sorry, you are not allowed"?
What kind of rubbish is this?
I'm so very upset, I'm sick as well, this year has been mainly quite shit and we were all looking forward to these little performances.
I don't know what to do and although I will talk to HT on Monday about this (grovelling if must) I can't help feel so disappointed & sad & angry.

AIBU that this is just not fair & was/is being handled really badly?

[talkshowhost97]

Whilst you are probably overreacting, you sound like you have a lot on your plate at the moment and the school have handled this badly.

In your shoes I would speak to the school calmly. I might be inclined to fib and tell them you are unable to go for some reason and ask if they are suggesting your DC should not have anyone in the audience despite your mother flying in specially. They just haven't thought this through at all. They need to issue 2 tickets per child. It's not for them to dictate which carers attend.

I really wish they would limit our school to 2-3 tickets per child though. It's really frustrating when I am going alone (no family near and DH couldn't get time off) that whole rows are taken up by one child's family. And because our play is in the morning these extended families could all bagsie their places in the queue to get into hall while I had no choice but to walk past to drop off round in the playground before I could go back and join the, by then, massive queue.

[llangennith]

Having sat through far too many Christmas plays and concerts watching DC and now DGC I freely admit it's very boring. You only want to see your own DC or DGC and even if they have a significant role these things seem to go on forever.
Really looking forward to sitting through another Nativity tmw where DGS is a donkey

[Florrieboo]

Your mum won't even know what is being said though will she? That would be very boring for her.

It sounds like a small school where they know that the children are living with their parents and not being cared for by grandparents so they are just really meaning "no extended family" but, someone in the office worded it badly. I am quite sure if a parent cannot attend then a gp would be able to substitute, the reality is the mean two adults per child.

It sounds as though everyone is getting to see it all though from your posts so I am not sure quite what the upset is - were you really all (5 adults and assorted children) going to go to each performance?

[ImYourMama]

As soon as people tell you some thing you don't want to hear - you say 'I have anxiety', and fuck me, it's like a get out of jail free card.

You've said your mum doesn't even speak English so WTF is she going to get out of the nativity? Unless you're planning to sit there translating, in which case, you're even more of an inconsiderate twunt than your previous posts suggest.

[BouleBaker]

School have handled this really badly and I'm not surprised you're upset. There's no way they should be dictating who is allowed to watch it, and no way they should be changing the rules after one of the dress rehearsals.

If there is a need to limit numbers ( even though it doesn't sound like it from your posts) that needed to be announced and a ticketing system brought in. Whoever has changed the rules overnight is a muppet.

[MidniteScribbler]

I don't believe at all that the school has banned grandparents. There's just no way, as some children may live with their grandparents. They'll have said two people per child.

And it's precisely because of people like the OP that the school needs to set limits - seven kids, two parents and two grandparents taking up space, and other parents/carers missing out because the OP wants to take a tribe with her.

[JosephineMaynard]

It sounds like the school have handled this really badly.

Whatever their reasons for banning grandparents, they should have told people well before now.

And, banning grandparents specifically makes no sense. Introducing tickets and limiting numbers to 2 per child would make much more sense. There's some kids at DS1's school who are routinely picked up / dropped off by grandparents - I can easily imagine these kids having no one there to see them in the nativity if their grandparents weren't allowed in.

Safeguarding theories make little sense if grandparents are allowed into dress rehearsals.

[Notonthestairs]

Op I think your response has been a bit disproportionate however with sick kids at the end of a tough year I am guessing that this the straw that broke the camels back.
I think if you talk to the school - explain that only two of you will be attending but one will be a grandparent then it will be ok.
At my school there will be whole rows of people for one child (grandparents, aunties, aunties partner, the next door neighbour from 3 doors down etc etc). And then some bugger tries to film the whole performance despite being told not to...

[Whattocallbabyboy]

For those mentioning safeguarding /child protection of other children - school need to deal with individuals not blanket ban.

Its poor notice. Yes they might need to limit numbers but it can be done in a planned sensible way.

Blanket bans on grandparents or other people invested in childs life are unnecessary. Modern families need support networks. Why shouldn't another person go in place of a parent if desired/necessary as long as within permitted numbers?

[Astley]

I agree it should be people per family. I for one, and really sick of hardly being able to see as some people have bought 6 people to watch. It's s kids play not the Olympic final, I really don't get why so many people need to go.

[WyfOfBathe]

The school are being unreasonable to dictate "no grandparents" because some grandparents will be the primary carers, other grandparents may be the only people able to watch that child, etc. What they should have done is ticket the event and limit the number of people per child.

But OP try to calm down, I'm sure your DC will love being able to spend time with their grandparents and the grandparents will love spending time with your DC, whether or not they see them in a play.

[Atenco]

I think all the people who do not see the problem are people who hate these types of activities anyway.

I loved to see my dd's performances and was proud to have someone come to see them too.

I also wonder if they realise that they are probably excluding some main carers in this.

And I love AcrossthePond's suggestion "Hell, I'd just show up with everyone and say "No, these aren't grandparents. They're the next door neighbours"

[NoMudNoLotus]

Any number of emergencies / trauma / accidents could happen to your family over the next few days OP ... And you will have spent your time stressing out on this.

[NoMudNoLotus]

Too much drama.

It's not worth it - honestly - it just isn't worth it.

[ProudAS]

School are out of order especially dropping it on you at this late notice.

If the issue is with space then give each child a certain number of tickets (say 2) but don't dictate who those tickets can go to. One of the parents may have been to dress rehearsal anyway with younger sibling so why shouldn't a grandparent go to actual performance in their place!!!

[Clankboing]

School halls and similar places, e.g., churches, have a maximum amount of people that they can allow in due to health and safety. So if a year group has 70 and the maximum is 140, 2 people per child would be allowed in. The only way to be able to invite more would be to get the children to do more performances. This is asking a lot from tired young children with endoftermitis. That MAY be the issue. Or it may be that a child is in danger and staff do not want to admit a load of unknown faces into the school building. Child safety is paramount. Obviously disappointing but I'm sure that at her age, the grandmother is old enough to accept the answer 'no' gracefully.

[LucilleBluth]

Oh God, by number seven you should be board stiff of school plays, I'm on no.3 and I'm dreading ours on Monday. My DD is a sheep, I have to get her back to school for 6pm, driving on dark country lanes with a tired five year old is not my idea of fun.

I agree with a pp that it's all a bit shit. Whe my DSs were little we lives in the States...big elementary school, one song per class, parents left after their DC had been on....I couldn't believe it, but now I can :)

[SandyDenny]

Oh my what a lot of drama, do people really get so worked up about this?

I can't believe it rates anything more than a shrug of the shoulders and a momentary sigh at the uselessness of the school and how it's a bit rubbish at communication.

Calm down dear

[DierdrePewtey]

You are beyond angry? Blimey. What happens is something important actually happens that impacts you?

[glitterazi]

Aw, that's a shame that grandparents can't go.I presume it's because of a spacing thing and not enough tickets, but they've handled it badly and should have let people know earlier.
It's two tickets per person here so both parents can go, but once all the parents have been allocated their tickets they open them up to being able to purchase some for grandparents if they want to go.
So I've got four - two for us, one for each Grandma who are coming too.

[Princecharlesfirstwife]

Tbh I'd had enough of school plays etc by Dc3. I reckon by dc6 (is that right?) both my mum and I would be doing a little dance of joy that we'd been given an 'out'.

[ALittleMop]

OP, your anxiety is making this seem worse than it really is.

What matters is that your children can have someone who loves them there to see them perform. It doesn't matter who, or which permutation of people, and it honestly doesn't really matter which whether it is the dress rehearsal or the "real thing".

The school is idiotic to say NO GRANDPARENTS rather than 2 people per kid (it won't be safeguarding or why would they be welcome at dress rehearsal?)

[ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]

Luna

We actually have 7, but eldest 3 are in secondary so no xmas shows, MiniZing is home & DS4 has a xmas service on the 21st (no xmas play I know of).

Sheldon

I will ask on Monday as I couldn't bear not knowing in advance.
I'm hoping they say ok, as long as it's 2 people per show only, which we can easily do.

Thanks again

[HearTheThunderRoar]

OP, in the kindest way possible, you need to get over it, it is only a school play. There are lots of other activities that the GPs can do with your DC.

No GPS has generally been the norm in my experience (and my DD left Primary 7 years ago), your lucky that GPs have been able to go in past years.

[MrSlant]

What makes me very sad is that I have bought my allotted 2 tickets per performance for the three of DS3's shows and out of a family with full compliment of grandparents and aunties and uncles I will give away one of each pair because no one but me appears to give the tiniest shit about my beautiful, anxious, little boy who is going to be on stage even though it makes him so scared.

Seems stupid I suppose but take away from it that you have people who would love to spend time watching him even if they can't. How about throwing a concert at home and he can feel loved and invested in, plus he gets to be the star of the show?

BTW I didn't buy the tickets just to be shitty and take all the allocation I was allowed, I did sort of hope someone else would come too. I will go on my own to all three performances so he has someone there and give away the other tickets to families who need one.