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Original poster

I bought my council house...I feel horribly guilty and anxious

307 replies

RodMunch · 09/12/2016 10:49

I got it for less than half market value, we had a small deposit too so as a result our mortgage is miniscule. DH earns well and because of this, I don't really need to work. I have 3 dc, 2 at school and the littlest is 3. I do some voluntary work but mostly just stay at home with him.

We have had the house a year in January. I feel incredibly guilty seeing my friends suffer juggling jobs and childcare and stuff and paying loads out in rent / mortgage. The only reason we could TTC for dc3 was due to being in a council property so the rent was ok. It sucks and its unfair ...I don't deserve what I have...I got the house originally by the skin of my teeth 8 years ago as a single mum, no one gets houses now and I have taken another one away. and I am part of the unfairness and I don't like myself much for it :(

It sounds mad...I can't believe my luck but feel I don't deserve it. DH and I are happy and the DC want for nothing but I honestly feel like something is going to go horribly wrong for us as a sort of karma. Blush

I identify as left wing yet I feel like I have completely gone against my principles and profited massively from a Tory policy that has ruined council housing in this country.

OP posts:
woowoowoo · 09/12/2016 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Temporaryname137 · 09/12/2016 14:11

foxy

"You do realise this is anonymous Internet forum where you can chat anonymously without worrying what people, who are not your friends or family, think to do don't you?"

Which is precisely why your holier than thou attitude is fake as shit. Because you can fake it online. Well done for getting the point some 5 posts after it was made!

Manumission · 09/12/2016 14:11

Aroma of socks too woo Smile

Verbena37 · 09/12/2016 14:12

For goodness sake!
All you've done is provide some stability for your family for the future.
If you hadn't have bought it through the scheme, which is set up for that very reason, how could you not buying have benefitted others?
It wouldn't have.

Not to be rude but you sound like you've been forced into it against your will.....only you haven't. So be happy and enjoy your own home. If people are looking at you and think what a cow, do you care? You surely wouldn't want to be friends to someone that mean anyway.

Verbena37 · 09/12/2016 14:14

And what's with all the guilt thing?
Doing tonnes of voluntary work to get rid of the guilt.....what? The guilt of being able to afford to buy your own home?
I don't get it.
Why should the OP give to food banks, do voluntary work etc just to alleviate her guilt? That's surely just as self centred because she wouldn't be doing it out of the pure goodness of her heart.....she would be doing it to alleviate guilt!

Sobachka · 09/12/2016 14:20

they didn't take a home out of public ownership and deny anyone else a council property did they?

We're all living at the mercy of a housing lottery.

Gloria?

ItsALLAboutMeMeMeMeME · 09/12/2016 14:25

Greyponcho In principle, the idea of social housing being purely a temporary bridge to allow people to get themselves in a better financial position before they move on to the private housing sector is not a bad one but that's not always going to work in a stagnant economy with little opportunity for advancement in the workplace.

They do that here, in what passes for social housing - I should add, the USA has very little in the way of a social safety net - and that can cause knock on housing problems for those who improve their situations only marginally.

It's means tested annually and causes secondary homelessness to those who maybe get a small pay raise that puts them slightly above the qualification amount but are still realistically unable to afford to rent in the private sector. It leads to the farcical situation of people turning down pay raises or cutting their hours to avoid the prospect of eviction or asking their employers to delay the raise until after the means test cut off date to buy themselves some time before they have to move out. There are no easy solutions.

OP, I think you need to stop self-flagellating, yes, on a nitpickingly moral level you took advantage of a flawed and unfair system to benefit yourself at the expense of others but did you really? Doesn't everyone theoretically have the right to do what you did under UK law, take advantage of the social safety net to give themselves a leg up? Like they say on the planes: "please put on your own mask before assisting others" - you have done what's best for you and your family and you didn't turf Little Orphan Annie out in the snow to do it.

It's not selfish to put ourselves and our families first, it's basic human instinct and there is no particular virtue in suffering ourselves when we don't have just because someone else is suffering. Get out there, volunteer, give back in time and money as and when you can, lobby your politicians to support legislation to improve the circumstances of the poor and needy.

BoffinMum · 09/12/2016 14:29

OP, as I often say on these threads, it's OK to hold two ideas in mind at the same time. On the one hand, you provided for your family. This is excellent. On the other hand, other people need help too. Best way forwards is to get onto boards and committees in order to do your bit for the next group of people coming along, influencing local housing policy as best you can, so it's as responsive and extensive as possible. That's turning guilt into action and will make you feel a lot better.

If we all did that we've have solved so many social problems by now as a nation.

Blossomdeary · 09/12/2016 14:35

So - what is the alternative? Move out, put yourselves into a difficult financial situation with all the stress that this implies? Upset your children's happy lives, just to salve your liberal conscience? Sounds bonkers to me.

You did not set up the mad system of sale of council houses - all you did was to create a secure home for your family - sounds good to me.

I should find something else to worry about if I were you!

Outofoptions · 09/12/2016 14:36

I don't agree with right to buy and think it should be scrapped.
However if I was in OPs position I would do what she has done! Altthough it is slightly muddied by being In a position to buy a property on the open market.
I would not disadvantage my family because I disagreed with a government policy and renting privately in the U.K. Is awful.

mygorgeousmilo · 09/12/2016 14:37

Verbena yes it is a feeling of guilt. Maybe shouldn't be, but I think there are so many opinions on social housing, and particularly if you consider yourself a lefty, or socialist. Nobody wants to be a champagne socialist! I think when you've had absolutely nothing, things have moved forward and you've then had the good fortune to get something - you feel guilty. A mild version of survivor's guilt or similar.

PinkCrystal · 09/12/2016 14:39

Would those that hate once poor people who work hard to improve their finances prefer to instead reward people that do not work through choice (I know there are many that cannot work this isn't about them) by letting them keep a secure tenancy or being given a council house? (Yet take it off those who then go to work/study to earn more)

That's like saying to council tenants stay on very low pay/not working or someone on lower pay/not working will have your house.

x2boys · 09/12/2016 15:05

As always on these threads theres an assumption that only single mums on benefits are allowed council houses , i live in a council house when i went on the list were a two job house hold they still let us on this was three years ago , if i was to go back to private rented it would cost me £400/month to live ion a similar sized house to my council house ,my council house costs me £350/month why would i pay the extra £50 and lose my security we dont all live in the S/E and council houses are not in a short supply everywhere.

SurlyValentine · 09/12/2016 15:19

Re-assessing every social housing tenant's income every year/three years/five years to see whether they still "need" social housing simply wouldn't work. People will go to extraordinary lengths to hang on to something they feel that they deserve and have somehow earned.

Original poster
RodMunch · 09/12/2016 15:48

I had absolutely nothing 8 years ago. A 2 year old and a 6 month old living in a rented house with mould and no heating. Their dad had fucked off leaving me in debt, didn't pay anything towards or see his children. My landlord decided he didn't want a "benefits tenant" any more and put the rent up £50 a week. Quite rightly, housing benefit said no so he served me notice and we eventually were offered a council house. It was miles away from my friends and family but I eventually made friends etc and started working part time. Having a stable base gave me the confidence to start a small business (I am a hairdresser by trade, or was) so I became a mobile hairdresser part time. I came off benefits, although still got top ups.

I met DH a year later he wasnt working when I met him as had been made redundant. He then got a minimum wage job but stayed there and managed to climb the ladder a bit. It was only in the least 3 years he got a promotion, then another one, and now he is re training in a new profession plus doing his day job. I didn't move him in with us and he was on 80k ! And he is on no where near that now, (I wish!)Its just what he earns compared to our rent and now our mortgage leaves an OK amount.

We could have afforded to buy on the open market but it would have been a tight squeeze and I would have needed to work FT if we wanted anything other than the basics.

A PP said something interesting. along the lines of it used to be enough for one person working and the other being a SAHP to pay rent mortgage and still survive and have an OK standard of living. It was in my parents day when I was born and a child mum was at home, my dad worked in a ware house (1980's and 90's) ...why isn't it now?? It should be !!

OP posts:
DailyFail1 · 09/12/2016 15:52

Rodmunch, same situation as you but with siblings in my care not kids. Couldn't get a council house despite qualifying for one as they were mostly sold through right to buy. It was me who worked min wage and got promoted whilst moving every 6 months. Met partner married. Managed to just barely afford a house and outgoings, saved, managed money, held off having kids, and managed to get a couple more promotions so we're now comfortable. Don't assume everyone in your position got a council house.

DailyFail1 · 09/12/2016 15:56

I also put 3 siblings through school and uni by working up to 4 jobs at a time. I was exhausted all the time, miserable especially as we had to move regularly. But no council houses ever became available. I knew council home owners who got right to buy like you did with high salaries and was so, so bitter. Of course I am now in a great financial position but those early years have really disenfranchised me with this whole 'system'.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/12/2016 15:58

along the lines of it used to be enough for one person working and the other being a SAHP to pay rent mortgage and still survive and have an OK standard of living. It was in my parents day when I was born and a child mum was at home, my dad worked in a ware house (1980's and 90's) ...why isn't it now?? It should be !!

Don't assume it always the case then. I grew up about that time. Both my parents worked as did most of my friends.

Sobachka · 09/12/2016 16:06

It should be !!

Yes, it should be.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 09/12/2016 16:06

Oh yes, BoB crow and his council housing.

Sorry, this is so wrong.

Sobachka · 09/12/2016 16:19

Chardonnay, have you been reading the Freedom of Movement thread?

We know that families are leaving their homes in other EU countries and being given publicly funded accommodation on arrival in the UK.

Why shouldn't Rod and her family, who have, and are, contributing to the system be given a similar advantage?

formerbabe · 09/12/2016 16:20

We could have afforded to buy on the open market but it would have been a tight squeeze

Well we can't have that can we? How dreadful...imagine things being a tight squeeze. That would be unusual.

Imagine if everyone in private sector housing was given a council property so things weren't a tight squeeze. Country would be bankrupt.

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy · 09/12/2016 16:25

formerbabe your morals don't extend to being nice then?

formerbabe · 09/12/2016 16:30

formerbabe your morals don't extend to being nice then?

When did I mention my morals on this thread?

I questioned the morals of people on the left who profess to have a sense of social responsibility but then behave in a hypocritical way. Unlike them, I've never pretended to be anything I'm not. I'm amazed at the sense of entitlement displayed here by people the state has been generous to.

ginghamstarfish · 09/12/2016 16:36

Not sure what you want people to say - by your own admission you have gone against your 'principles', just because it suited you and you gain financially from it. I'm sure many of those who've bought council houses are also Labour voters, so you're not alone in your double standards.

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