I bought my council house...I feel horribly guilty and anxious

[RodMunch]

I got it for less than half market value, we had a small deposit too so as a result our mortgage is miniscule. DH earns well and because of this, I don't really need to work. I have 3 dc, 2 at school and the littlest is 3. I do some voluntary work but mostly just stay at home with him.

We have had the house a year in January. I feel incredibly guilty seeing my friends suffer juggling jobs and childcare and stuff and paying loads out in rent / mortgage. The only reason we could TTC for dc3 was due to being in a council property so the rent was ok. It sucks and its unfair ...I don't deserve what I have...I got the house originally by the skin of my teeth 8 years ago as a single mum, no one gets houses now and I have taken another one away. and I am part of the unfairness and I don't like myself much for it :(

It sounds mad...I can't believe my luck but feel I don't deserve it. DH and I are happy and the DC want for nothing but I honestly feel like something is going to go horribly wrong for us as a sort of karma.

I identify as left wing yet I feel like I have completely gone against my principles and profited massively from a Tory policy that has ruined council housing in this country.

If you don't care what "random people on the internet" think, why on earth are you bothering to preach here, or to pout about what a terrible place we all live in?!

Manumission

You just sound really childish and horrible actually.

Surely people saying it's the councils fault and people should be re-assessed, shouldn't the people living in council houses take some personal responsibility for recognising they can afford somewhere privately and to open up the council houses for those that need them?

because that won't work?

What you are saying is that once people have the means, they should voluntarily choose to pay a lot more for a lot less. Most people are mindful that those means to pay for more may evaporate quite quickly. So, now people should voluntarily give up security and a reasonable home, while paying more for it? Isn't it obvious why such a policy would fail?

It's not your fault so don't feel guilty . I also disagree with right to buy and think you should be means tested and move to private rent when and if you are able to . I know a family who earn over £80k between them and have expensive holidays etc and flash cars and stay in their council house. I just don't think that is fair . There are people in desperate need . Like you say it is done and someone else would have bought it if you didn't . We have a lovely house we bought and I don't work . We could have an even bigger house if I did but it suits all of us that I don't . Life is about choices .. some people make good ones some don't .. enjoy your house !

temporaryname

You do realise this is anonymous Internet forum where you can chat anonymously without worrying what people, who are not your friends or family, think to do don't you?

Just think about the Union leader and good socialist - the late Bob Crowe - earning £100k+ pa and still living in his London council house...now that (I think) was hypocritical and depriving someone in greater need.
Council housing was aimed at the average working class - it is just the shortage that means now you have to be in desperate need to have any chance of getting one.
And I have mixed feelings on the if you have one you have it for life -it does give you stability and I think it would be harsh to chuck someone out after they have lived somewhere for 40 yrs -it really is their home. But then some things should be for the greater good.
You've had good fortune in that you had the opportunity - don't feel guilty.
But I would make sure that I planned my finances to try and ensure the future stability of my family -don't over spend, try and save money to reduce the likelihood of you or your children needing support from the state in future.

Okay foxy. It's probably just a trick of the light that's made you look much more a provincial, crimplene wearing, holier-than-thou twerp than you actually are. My mistake

Charity starts at home. We all have a few fundamental basic needs like food, warmth, a roof over our heads, love.

Through twists, turns, lots of hard work and a dose of luck you've secured those for yourself. It hasn't been handed to you on a plate. You haven't gone out and snatched it off someone else.

Having done that and created a secure environment for your family you aren't gloating or rubbing it in other peoples faces you're giving on and doing your voluntary work - which is no doubt a value to society.

If you hadn't bought you'd have been paying a higher rent - not sure who would have gained - the money wouldn't have gone into new housing stock, your family would have lost a little of its security financially and emotionally and no home would have been made available in the process.

I have gone from being well paid and spending to being in poverty and a single parent and now back up to finding I can actually choose the food we eat rather than making do with what's reduced or on offer and eating mainly veg and beans.

I feel guilt for letting the children have Christmas lists and buying things that are for pleasure that don't have clear functional purpose. It's the first year that we're really doing real gifts at Christmas and the children are 13, 10 and 5. They don't know - they've always had lists but we've always saved and they've worked towards things they want and then we've brought things throughout the year as we could afford. This whole just giving a gift because it's Christmas is a whole new guilt-ridden ball game.

Don't use your time to be enjoying your children to be riddled with guilt. Get busy, keep active, take lots of pics. Admit to yourself you've had a dose of luck and it's alright to have had that.

OnePotato: I can't believe the number of people justifying it because "it's for their DC". The problem is the mentality in this country, people think they are owed everything, from a job, house, education to medical care. Just that the government should give it to you because you exist.

I don't think this is the problem at all. I think those at the bottom end of the ladder see those at the ultimate top end taking everything they possibly can, using lawyers and accountants and loopholes so that they can keep everything they feel they earn for themselves. Anyone seeing that corruption is far more likely then to feel that if they see an opportunity to get something, they are justified in that, so long as it isn't against the law.

Yet there's always some contemptuous person who pops up to say the people at that end of the spektrum are all greedy and feel they are owed everything.

I personally think the problem is that the system Is broken. Of course the council doesn't check to see whether people are 'deserving'. They don"t even have enough funding to provide social care for the sick and elderly.

Until everyone is treated decently, and there is a fair system put in place, then people will take advantage where they can.

My dilemma isn't exactly the same as yours OP. My local school is appalling. Academically, they don't seem to care, bullying is rife, and one of the teachers has recently been put in prison for molesting the children. I don't really approve of private education, therefore the children did initially go to the local school, but when it became obvious it was detrimental to them, I moved them all into private education. I consider myself lucky that we were able to do so and I have no regrets. If the government get their act together, and can ensure an equivalent system, where my children will have a fair chance to get on in life after attending the local school, then, and only then, would I reconsider.

I am still left wing. I live in Norway and pay high levels of taxation. I am happy to do so, in the knowledge of the excellent systems in place here for protecting the vulnerable in society. Sadly the school system is blighted by unrealistic ideals about treating pupils as equal human beings, quite forgetting that learning does require some level of discipline and that bullying will occur, if it is not dealt with.

The system is broken OP. I believe it is the fault of ongoing government policies that has led to the dearth of affordable housing in the UK. One individual is not to blame. If you are grateful for your good fortune, then why don't you spend some time or money contributing to homeless charities, as others have suggested.

Good luck.

I think it highlights the struggle we all have as humans- how much to keep and how much to give away, how altrustic are we really?

We are animals after all, albeit clever ones, and the desire to protect oneself and one's own is a huge drive.

I earn more than I spend.
Does than mean I should give the excess to those suffering poverty?

No, I keep most of it to enhance my family's welfare and protect their future.

Does that make me immoral or greedy? I think it makes me quite normal.

I suspect 99% of people would have done the same in your shoes OP, I wouldn't give it another thought.
You did nothing illegal, and yes perhaps the system sucks, but that's the way it is, and I don't blame you for a second.
Good luck to you.

Don't feel guilty, yes the system is unfair. But you made a logical decision that benifits your family.

Yup my socialist friends all went to private school too! They don't like to admit it though 😆

Your family needs a home. If you hadn't bought the one you have you have either needed to find another to buy or applied for another council house. Buying the one you did means your family can have good standard of living. Stop worrying basically. You're not responsible for everyone else's problems.

Disagree with rtb, people will jump at the chance though, its human nature.
The argument re have paid rent is fine, if that rent was earned and not housing benefit.

Yup my socialist friends all went to private school too! They don't like to admit it though
Well that's a bit silly of them, surely their schooling was their parent's choice

I went to private school and am a socialist. My DC GP to private schools and I'm still a socialist. Yay me

No time to read whole thread, sorry if I am repeating something.

I donate to the Trussell Trust by direct debit OP really easy to set up on theur web site and you donate as much as you want to.

I personally think everyone in council property needs to be reassessed and if found that they earn too much, kicked out. I know people earning £60k a year who got right to buy because the council don't do this. It's not fair that they have discounts when someone who can't or won't play the system won't.

You're not the problem OP, you're doing your best for yourself and your family and it's aboslutely not your fault that successive governments introduced RTB and simltaenously stopped building enough houses/investing in council housing. That's absolutely not your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. You are entitled to a secure housing for yourself and your family. So is everyone else - so I point the finger at the people who are to blame, the politicians, landlords who own huge chains of properties and inflate rents, rich foreign oligarchs buying up property in the UK for investment purposes whilst they lay empty, huge corporations who agressively avoid tax so that the public purse has less in it to fund social housing. These are the people who should feel guilty, not you.

Every single thread along these lines seems to be started by a brand new MNer.

And every single bloody time MN obliges by giving them a "debate" that mainly consists of finger pointing and bitching.

Having said that I think you were canny to exploit the system for your benefit. Not right of course, but then you already know that, but you've gotten your kids an inheritence they otherwise wouldn't have had.

But at least your first ever post on MN got people talking eh OP?

Every single thread along these lines seems to be started by a brand new MNer.

^^ This. I really don't know what to say. I would probably get chucked off MN if I said everything

What I don't get though is - you can afford not to work, yet you live in a council house? I'm going to stop there I think it's for the best as things like this grate on my tits so much

Emelia don't worry, I'm a self-righteous twat in other ways.

I'm sorry, but this just has me in hysterics, foureyes. You write a post illustrating the possible behaviour of a self-righteous twat and I misread it and call you a self-righteous twat, of course, me being a self-righteous twat by doing so.

Of course we are all flawed but there is something quite particularly satisfying in indulging in self-righteous indignative twattery every once in a while.

I've done very similar, and balance my guilt with doing tonnes of volunteer work. Eases it a bit. But given the chance to do it again, I would. Nobody is being a martyr for me, and I want to have the time, energy AND money For my children and give them a good start. As everyone wants for their children. The way I saw it, we'd either occupy the property forever, because we couldn't afford the open market, or buy it and occupy it or eventually move. Either way, I haven't taken a property out of circulation that wouldn't have been anyway (because we'd have been in it) IYSWIM.