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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I bought my council house...I feel horribly guilty and anxious

307 replies

RodMunch · 09/12/2016 10:49

I got it for less than half market value, we had a small deposit too so as a result our mortgage is miniscule. DH earns well and because of this, I don't really need to work. I have 3 dc, 2 at school and the littlest is 3. I do some voluntary work but mostly just stay at home with him.

We have had the house a year in January. I feel incredibly guilty seeing my friends suffer juggling jobs and childcare and stuff and paying loads out in rent / mortgage. The only reason we could TTC for dc3 was due to being in a council property so the rent was ok. It sucks and its unfair ...I don't deserve what I have...I got the house originally by the skin of my teeth 8 years ago as a single mum, no one gets houses now and I have taken another one away. and I am part of the unfairness and I don't like myself much for it :(

It sounds mad...I can't believe my luck but feel I don't deserve it. DH and I are happy and the DC want for nothing but I honestly feel like something is going to go horribly wrong for us as a sort of karma.

I identify as left wing yet I feel like I have completely gone against my principles and profited massively from a Tory policy that has ruined council housing in this country.

OP posts:

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 09/12/2016 16:37

No, I haven't read it.

I have nothing agains people who have contributed to the system to be helped, but I do think council housing should not be sold off and there should be a system, similar to benefits, which takes into account changes in circumstances. Maybe not immediately, it's difficult to move home, but maybe if the changed circumstances last more than two years, then the council home might be given to someone who needs it more.

LouisvilleLlama · 09/12/2016 16:39

I don't think you did anything wrong OP most would but feel the concern is false you yourself even said your main guilt was the small mortgage not taking the house.

Do find it funny at election time so many left wingers bleat on about "I'm alright jack" mentality or whatever that crap is and that Tory voters are cunts, yet when they have a chance to benefit from a Tory scheme well what do you know... they're alright jack

Original poster

RodMunch · 09/12/2016 16:41

Don't assume everyone in your position got a council house

I didn't say they did dailyFail ....however I am glad you are doing good now

See I think this is part of it....basically 8 years ago I had nothing, and did nothing to get my house other than not be working and on my own with 2 kids. I didn't work for it. But like hell was I going to turn a council place down, after what I had been through private renting? And That is one of the reasons I feel guilty and I can't change how I got where I am. I never thought I would own a house, and when the opportunity arose to buy the house I loved, that my children and DH loved, for such a low price I was overjoyed tbh. And that is another reason I feel guilty.

I sort of still see myself as that young girl feeling like the biggest failure out sat in the council housing office like a cliché. Young, dumped by my babies dad, unemployed single mum.

OP posts:

CupofTeaTime · 09/12/2016 16:43

Poor you! Not sure what you're expecting from this thread. Sounds like a stealth boast to me

SharkBastard · 09/12/2016 16:44

I gave up my council flat which I could've purchased for next to nothing, because of my principles.

Different strokes and all that. I'm a leftie, I couldn't do it but I don't judge those that have cause I'm not them...

SaucyJack · 09/12/2016 16:44

I'm totes emosh reading that.

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland · 09/12/2016 16:46

Lifestyles and living standards have significantly changed too. I'm a mid 70's baby. My mum was at home when I was very young but our furniture was sparse, second hand - passed on/ borrowed from family, we didn't have IT equipment or TV's in every room. Video recorders weren't yet invented (I'd never heard of them anyway), dishwashers were very rare, let alone having internet/ broadband, mobile phones and two car families were unheard of.

We didn't have the heating on for many months of the year, we walked to the shops as a special treat we'd get the bus one way, we didn't eat out or have takeaways, we didn't holiday - other than staying with family, we didn't do big Christmas or Birthday gifts. Children didn't have big invite the class parties - it was a few sausage rolls, egg sandwiches and heavily drizzled iced cakes on a plastic mat at home.

We were not poor - quite a long way from it. We were fed, clothed and loved.

Expectations when one parent was at home weren't to have a holiday each summer, to be able to run a car or have extras.

Some people are genuinely poor. For others, I think expectations of lifestyle and perception of what should be normal has exceeded economic feasibility.

When I became school age my mum and dad both worked and our lifestyle and number of possessions changed.

formerbabe · 09/12/2016 16:47

still see myself as that young girl feeling like the biggest failure out sat in the council housing office like a cliché. Young, dumped by my babies dad, unemployed single mum

Yep, but now there's not enough social housing left for women who are currently in the position you were in.

HelenaDove · 09/12/2016 16:54

Video recorders were available in the 1960s But they cost more than a house. Bob Monkhouse had one I saw a programme about it on BBC4.

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland · 09/12/2016 16:56

The OP wouldn't have moved out of the house necessarily if she hadn't purchased it.

Surely our problem is that the purchase money isn't reinvested in new housing stock and this is where energies should be focused.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 09/12/2016 16:57

We know that families are leaving their homes in other EU countries and being given publicly funded accommodation on arrival in the UK.

That should not be happening. When they apply for HB or other benefits they are asked if they have other property in their home countries and if the answer is 'yes' then it affects their entitlement here.

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland · 09/12/2016 16:58

HelenaDove I stand corrected. I was remembering through my own childish eyes and my perception as a child in the early/ mid 80's when I first heard of such fanciful things as devices that could record the TV was that was the point in time they came into existence.

toptoe · 09/12/2016 16:59

I don't think you should feel guilty because:

You were up the creek without a paddle 8 years ago and needed the house
Your dh has worked hard to earn what he earns, which isn't anywhere near what many people earn higher up the social ladder.
The right to buy scheme is meant for people like you to get on the property ladder. It's not for people poorer than you. It's for precisely you and your family.
The queen has loads of houses paid for by your dh and others who pay taxes and she's getting 350 million quid to do up her gaff. Rich, landed people get breaks - why shouldn't you get a break?!
You have not taken away a council house. For every one they sell, they should use that money to fund another. If they don't that's their mistake. It's not antisocial to think this way. It's antisocial to be stinking rich and demand that everyday people like us should pay ever higher prices for homes. Your home was the right price. All house prices are inflated by the rich and it filters down the market. That is not your fault.

Feel no guilt. It was the right house, the right price that won't cripple you for years to come, and it will give your dc a good start in life and you/them capital in many years to come. It will enable you to save what you don't spend on mortgage or to do the house up and give you a much better standard of living.

When there are so many mega rich people about living the life getting tax dodges and freebies gallor, to have you buying a home at a cheaper price when your partner works hard is not a bad thing imo.

My parents bought their council house in the 80s and it was the making of our family. If they hadn't, we would not have had the life we did...they were able to sell it on again and make money to get them started. They had no inheritance, no help from parents, no savings to talk of for their eventual retirement, nothing to hand on to us. WIthout that house all our lives would be very different.

Cherylene · 09/12/2016 17:05

You have been lucky. Be happy. And share the luck around. It is more productive than feeling guilty.

If you have a bit more money, you can give donations to shelter/womens refuge etc and if you do not have to work, you can do a bit of volunteering to put something back.

It is a good place to be.

Amelie10 · 09/12/2016 17:06

This. It's easy to talk the talk. But yanbu, why wouldn't you do what's best for your family? You would have been stupid not to take this opportunity.

Helsinkimorning · 09/12/2016 17:08

I work in social housing. I know of many long term tenants who have holiday homes in other countries (they boast about it to me and other staff), earn a fortune and still hang onto their social housing - some of our properties are in the best areas of London and are worth a fortune on the open market. I also know of tenants who are on full HB, but the moment they have lived in the property long enough to qualify for the discount suddenly come up with the money to buy the property (usually a family member). It's not right. But it is legal.

HelenaDove · 09/12/2016 17:12

YY Flouncing. My parents bought their first video recorder (a black JVC model) at Christmas 30 years ago.

whyohwhy000 · 09/12/2016 17:13

Even if you don't agree with the policy, I think you should take advantage of the mistakes that the stupid Conservative government have made. Only then they'll see what they've done.

RhodaBull · 09/12/2016 17:20

The OP is in the house now, and she was in the house before. Given that you can pass on a council house once, I believe, that house would not have come back into circulation for a long time.

However, what I do think is wrong is being able to profit from your good fortune. My rather feckless uncle bought his council house (well, his dd did, anyway). This house was in a village which became super-desirable and he sold a house which had been bought for a small sum for over £500K. My other uncle, his brother, who had worked from the age of 15 in a factory had managed to buy a modest terraced house and it gave him apoplexy that someone who had only worked sporadically ended up so much better off courtesy of the council.

Sobachka · 09/12/2016 17:20

When they apply for HB or other benefits they are asked if they have other property in their home countries and if the answer is 'yes' then it affects their entitlement here.

I know of cases of individuals selling their homes in [EU country], moving to the UK, being given social housing, and exercising right-to-buy.

Other families are leaving their homes empty, entering the UK and being given private rental accommodation paid for by local authorities.

Children are the common factor - the authorities are obliged to provide accommodation for families with children.

Charlottelouisa · 09/12/2016 17:20

Do not feel bad, you have done what you needed to do to get on the property ladder. And thankfully you can live comfortably. I think the rtb scheme is brilliant , it helps more people to own their own homes and it's not like you are 'taking the house from the council' as you was living in it anyway and had no plans of moving out of it. A council home is not available whether it has a tenant or if the tenant brought it
Just enjoy 😊 EVERYONE in your position would have done the same. X

YelloDraw · 09/12/2016 17:21

Quite.

toptoe · 09/12/2016 17:23

See I don't have a problem with right to buy as long as the house is replaced with another. Like pine trees - one is cut down, another is planted in it's place. I don't see what is wrong with someone coming off the council house list and being given a leg up. Her dh isn't earning mega bucks and they aren't owners of other property.

paxoballs · 09/12/2016 17:24

I don't think you should feel guilty OP, you did everything by the rules. I was also like you 16 years ago and was allocated a council house as a single mum, I bought it five years ago. I don't consider myself lucky to have got that house, I was only prioritised because I was homeless with a young baby and was fleeing DV as a teenager with no family to support me, suffering with MH issues - that's not a lucky position to be in, and I am still traumatised and shaped by my experiences today. I do have friends who struggle in private renting, but their situations are far better than mine and that's why they haven't been given priority for council housing (although some of them would be, but have turned up their noses at the idea of living on a council estate or having to live in temporary accommodation as I had to).

I am still living in my council house and I would still be living here whether I'd bought it or not - but buying it meant I had security and that's something I desperately needed after all I had gone through. I don't feel guilty for that and neither should you.

RhodaBull · 09/12/2016 17:24

Helsinki - I worked with a girl who had a council flat in Clapham. It was in an old building, too, not a high rise. She had acquired it by having her mother write a letter to the council saying the mother's partner was abusive. She said all her friends' mothers did the same and they all got flats. This girl then moved in with her boyfriend and sublet her flat for a flippin' fortune.

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