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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I bought my council house...I feel horribly guilty and anxious

307 replies

RodMunch · 09/12/2016 10:49

I got it for less than half market value, we had a small deposit too so as a result our mortgage is miniscule. DH earns well and because of this, I don't really need to work. I have 3 dc, 2 at school and the littlest is 3. I do some voluntary work but mostly just stay at home with him.

We have had the house a year in January. I feel incredibly guilty seeing my friends suffer juggling jobs and childcare and stuff and paying loads out in rent / mortgage. The only reason we could TTC for dc3 was due to being in a council property so the rent was ok. It sucks and its unfair ...I don't deserve what I have...I got the house originally by the skin of my teeth 8 years ago as a single mum, no one gets houses now and I have taken another one away. and I am part of the unfairness and I don't like myself much for it :(

It sounds mad...I can't believe my luck but feel I don't deserve it. DH and I are happy and the DC want for nothing but I honestly feel like something is going to go horribly wrong for us as a sort of karma.

I identify as left wing yet I feel like I have completely gone against my principles and profited massively from a Tory policy that has ruined council housing in this country.

OP posts:

Manumission · 09/12/2016 17:26

Rhoda you've told that story before. Didn't you say this was something that happened 20 or 30 years ago?

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 09/12/2016 17:28

No, that's not right.

Now, I know OP did nothing wrong, she just used the system, the same way the migrants you are talking about do.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 09/12/2016 17:30

Sorry, not the same way, because what she did was legal, but maybe not in the spirit of it, which is why is she feeling all guilty now.

Original poster

RodMunch · 09/12/2016 17:30

Paxoballs Glad all is ok now and I wish you and your DC all the happiness in the world

OP posts:

toptoe · 09/12/2016 17:58

Having nothing to fall back on in terms of family capital means you should be given help to buy. These 'sob stories' are actually real problems people have - they would be stuck without for life and so would their dc if they didn't have help. It's not cheating the system. A woman with a feckless partner (not op but others mentioned) with dc needs help just as much as a single parent. She's not cheating the system, the feckless partner is. Having been with such a partner I know I should have had help but struggled on without it, only because my parents then helped out. Once I was on my own with dc, I then had lots of help which got me back on my feet and set us up from the gov. Then as soon as bf moved in, we were able to stop all benefits. Troouble I had from people around me, some said I should have stopped receiving benefits when he started dating me as I was no longer 'single' even though we were only just dating, he didn't live with me and he didn't pay any bills. He hardly stayed over as I had dc. It was another way of shaming me for trying to make something of myself. Can't win. Op has got off the council list, there should now be another house the council can buy with the money she has paid for the one she bought.

toptoe · 09/12/2016 18:01

I wonder what the council does with the house sale money if they don't reinvest it in more social housing?

Original poster

RodMunch · 09/12/2016 18:05

I wonder that too Toptoe

OP posts:

toptoe · 09/12/2016 18:09

looked it up...they're meant to build more houses

www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-32884747

the gov tops up the money they get from selling high value properties. Part of the housing bill

ChocolateWombat · 09/12/2016 18:12

I think OP feels bad, because she has been more fortunate than many of her peers. It isn't that she has actively done something wrong, but when she looks around her and seems she has things pretty good, she feels she doesn't deserve it.....it's a result of some kind of self esteem/depression issue.

In life, some people get lots of lucky breaks and some people don't. The OP was entitled to get a council house 8 years ago and entitled to buy under right to buy....and has benefitted from the system. Yes, the system has lots of things wrong with it, as does capitalism in general, which results in some who have loads and others who have nothing. We can somehow opt out of the system and refuse to be part of it and live in a commune, or we can live in the system we are in and look to make a difference.

The fact that OP has profited from right to buy, doesn't make her responsible for every person who can't get a council house.....and her worry and anxiety are down to depression not something she has done wrong. I think that if we are fortunate,nit is incumbent upon us to be generous....generous of spirit, time and money. The op can give time to voluntary work, food to the food bank, she can join political campaigns if she wants to. All of us who are fortunate, regardless of whether we live in ex council houses or not, should recognise we are very blessed and be generous.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/12/2016 18:35

Having nothing to fall back on in terms of family capital means you should be given help to buy

Actually there are already a number of schemes which do precisely that: www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/help-to-buy-homebuy-and-other-housing-schemes

But perhaps you feel even more "help" should be given at someone else's expense?

Original poster

RodMunch · 09/12/2016 18:46

Chocolate wombat this has hit nail on head for me.

I feel that other people have and do work hard and have nothing to show for it where as I got where I am by doing absolutely fuck all other than having kids with a feckless twat, being single and unemployed. And being pretty feckless myself if I am honest. I had the oldest ones young and before that, I had only worked for a few years after school just messing about in min wage jobs then leaving them when I got fed up.

Whereas My peers have worked since school / uni , still are, and are generally either struggling with crippling mortgages or can't even buy despite being high earners (my brother and his wife are like this and they can't even afford children and that makes me feel shit.) How I got where I am was Not exactly the "right" way was it?? Maybe if I had gone to uni / trained in a career, saved hard, worked hard and bought a house the way most others have too then had children I would be more proud of myself. As it is I feel a fraud.

OP posts:

SheldonCRules · 09/12/2016 18:51

Too late now, you can't feel that bad or you would never have done it. Your principles were obviously just lip service.

Plenty of people choose to not work and play the system. You're not the first and won't be the last.

icy121 · 09/12/2016 18:53

Yes you are very hypocritical. You could do something to allieveate your conscience and sort our karma; why don't you and DH both do wills that leaves the house to a housing association? So you get a vastly reduced "rent" during your lifetime and then the council get it back. On the basis you'll save £ and eventually pay off mortgage you can put the difference between mortgage and market rent into savings and leave that as your kids' inheritance. Problem solved?

Manumission · 09/12/2016 19:03

Can you see why you're hard to believe?

MissMarplesHat · 09/12/2016 19:32

The Daily Fail will lap this up.

user1471439240 · 09/12/2016 19:34

Op - Don't stress about the perceived greed, its inate, human.
Beavis Las Vegas!!

ChocolateWombat · 09/12/2016 19:37

Some people on here have a case of sour grapes. They are struggling to buy and seem to resent anyone who has had a bit of a break and been able to. Most of it isn't fair is it - it's not just people who get a council house who have a lucky break, but those who are the age to buy when prices were cheaper, those who inherit etc etc...none of it is fair.....but it's the system we live in.

And OP, having a house doesn't make your life fab and the lives of those around you without houses crap. This is just one small element,Which perhaps you are over playing. Perhaps those hard working peers with professional jobs are actually getting a lot of job satisfaction from their work and will continue to do so with a well defined career path, perhaps they have rich cultural lives and plenty of friends and family. Perhaps they don't dwell too much on their lack of a house but make the most of life and don't have depression or anxiety issues. Perhaps they will end up in bigger, better houses than you...or not, but housing isn't the only source of happiness or reward in life.

ChocolateWombat · 09/12/2016 19:40

And OP, count your blessings and get on and do something with your life...it's not over yet, and you haven't 'arrived' yet by virtue of owning an ex council house.
Get on and train to do something and make a difference in the world, so the pinnacle of your life's achievement isn't the fact you were able to buy a house a bit cheap at a certain point.

Deadsouls · 09/12/2016 19:48

OP - it such a waste of energy to be feeling guilty, anxious and bad about this. Did you post it on here so you could get lots of punishing comments? I think anyway your anxiety is not, from what you've written, connected to this issue specifically but exists separately. You've located it in this issue.
Can you not feel grateful for your good fortune instead of beating yourself up with a metaphorical stick? I'm not suggesting gratitude is just something that you can switch on and off, but it probably takes as much energy as you're spending on feeling guilty and anxious.
The fact is, you're not going to sell or 'give' back your council house tomorrow. Why do you feel so shit about it?

BIWI · 09/12/2016 19:50

Are you a name-changer, OP?

ChocolateWombat · 09/12/2016 19:52

I agree that this is absolutely not about owning a council house, but some kind of feeling not worthy feeling which has been located onto this individual incident. Try and see it for this OP and get some help if you need it.

Recognise that you might have a house, but are anxious and worried. Other people may not have a house but be in a better frame of mind. Owning or not owning and the route to that is not the be all and end all in life.

x2boys · 09/12/2016 20:00

I agree with Chocolate op, my freind bought her council house with her ex partner they split up shortly after she managed by the skin of her teeth to keep hold of the house even though she was barely working and paying the mortgage with her benefit money years later she has a lovely large house, I supppose its not really fair but thats life, my dsis and bil got a large inheritance and because of it have a lovely detached house they would probably not have afforded otherwise, my parents bought in the 70,s and 80,s and have a lovely home ,.families in the same position now couldnt afford .

Livelovebehappy · 09/12/2016 20:05

I don't want this sound harsh here, but would say you are a typical leftie ; 'do as I say, not as I do'. You only have to look at some of our leftist MPs to see that they will bleat piously about what's right and wrong, but sell their souls to the devil when it comes to getting the best for their own families.

Suppermummy02 · 09/12/2016 21:09

You haven't done anything to feel guilty about. buying your own home is a great thing, well done.

Valentine2 · 09/12/2016 21:15

Now you have had your self help rant OP. Kindly go back and enjoy the loot.

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