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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry with DS's school right now ?

265 replies

TheLaundryLady · 08/12/2016 17:06

Having a crappy week (see thread about friend letting me down) and it just keeps getting worse

DS's school are planning a residential trip to Shropshire next October for his year group.
DS very excited about trip so we complete the paperwork and pay the deposit as requested by the deadline. Paperwork went back about 2 weeks before deadline but due to a glitch with schools parent pay system we didn't pay deposit until the last day of the deadline.

Fast forward to today after being told that he was on the trip I receive a phone call from school telling me that they had messed up and had got the boy/girl ratio wrong and had one boy too many on the trip. Therefore DS will now be unable to go.

I was told that if he was a girl he could still have gone but they chose him not to go because We were last to pay.

Now they have known how many girls and boys are in that year group since reception.

If this was purely first come first serve I would understand but this clearly seems to be about his gender - he can't go because he's a boy.

Head teacher has basically said tough and DS is gutted

OP posts:
HoopsandEverything · 08/12/2016 18:57

You can't just do that in a residential facility insured for a certain number of children per room. There will be strict regulations about numbers and breaking these would invalidate the facility's insurance, and would obviously be unacceptable from the school's point of view

If that was the case, than it wouldn't be the case that if it was a girl he could go. The way I am reading it is not the extra number that is the issue, it's the fact that the extra child is male.

"I was told that if he was a girl he could still have gone"

Original poster
TheLaundryLady · 08/12/2016 18:58

Hellsbells - DD tells me the accommodate is dormitories- 4 beds per room

OP posts:
Aedh · 08/12/2016 18:59

Laundry that is appalling.
Will you ask the HT how they intend to deal with your DS? How will they manage his distress at being the only child unable to go. How do they expect to deal with him the week his class is away.
I am shocked that they have mishandled the details and are happy to sacrifice a child's emotional wellbeing so easily.

Floey · 08/12/2016 18:59

What a load of bollox. They will probably be in dormitories of between 3 and 6 so he should be able to go. Are there any other issues? Sorry to ask but at DD's school, no-on would go because of one particular child's behaviour, could this be an excuse?

HoopsandEverything · 08/12/2016 18:59

You may find yourself getting fined for the holiday plan... How is your school with the whole holidays during term time thing?

Original poster
TheLaundryLady · 08/12/2016 18:59

Hoops - yes it's because he's a boy not because he would be an extra bed iyswim

OP posts:
FrayedHem · 08/12/2016 19:02

It would seem that the boys 4 to a room is maxed out, but there is at least a space available for a girl. Presumably they have booked the number of dorms according to the overall numbers and when they have broken down the ratios it doesn't work.

HoopsandEverything · 08/12/2016 19:02

Yes, I get it.

I would also suggest teachers share to free up an extra room rather than have your son miss out on a place (if the issue is they've filled up all the room allocations, and the only spare bed is in a "girls dorm").

If you can find the number of the place as well - call them directly and see if they can offer an alternative if the school aren't willing to find / create a plan.

Original poster
TheLaundryLady · 08/12/2016 19:02

Floey - don't apologise. DS is a bright , able good student. His learning behaviour has always been fine and his parents evening / reports are always really good so no issues there.
He has got a good group of friends to

OP posts:
BusyBeez99 · 08/12/2016 19:04

So 30 to a class and he's only one in his CLASS not going? Or are there say 4 classes of 30 in each and he's the only child in 120 not going? It's not clear. If it's the former and other children in other classes aren't going then it's a shame but he won't be only one not going. If it's the latter then it's appalling to stop one child out of WHOLE year going.

You got the form back. You paid the money on time. I too would have thought my child had a place reserved on the trip.

I think you need to make an appt with the teacher and find out how many aren't going and how your child was chosen etc. I rarely believe what my son tells me as usually he's mis heard something. So perhaps it was random and what they told your DH was right.

zeeboo · 08/12/2016 19:05

Is it Quinta OP? Because they easily accommodate our year sixes and some years we have 64 or 5.
Complain, phone Ofsted and the governors. I HATE whining complainers and almost always side with the school on AIBU but you are totally in the right and the school has effed up good and proper and this is so unfair on your son it's heartbreaking.

WyfOfBathe · 08/12/2016 19:05

If that was the case, than it wouldn't be the case that if it was a girl he could go. The way I am reading it is not the extra number that is the issue, it's the fact that the extra child is male.

Yes, because the dormitories will be single sex. Say there were 10 dorms with 5 beds in each - you might have 5 dorms each with 5 boys, 4 dorms each with 5 girls, and the final dorm with just 3 girls. But you can't fill up those last 2 beds with boys, because you can't mix boys & girls.

(I'm not saying that what they're doing is right at all, but I imagine this is basically what happened)

hellsbells99 · 08/12/2016 19:06

I would be really surprised if the centre only has 4 bed rooms. I have booked activity holidays in the past and the rooms are normally various sizes as most school/group parties + gender splits won't be exactly divisible by 4.

FrayedHem · 08/12/2016 19:06

I doubt the OP would get fined as the Head can allow for special reasons, and I doubt he would want it splashed over the news if the OP rightly stuck to her guns and refused to pay a fine and took it to magistrates court. Imagine, the only child excluded from the residential because he was male and then the Head refusing to authorise holiday for his family to take him away?

But the OP shouldn't have to do that, and I think if enough of the right pressure is applied they will find a workaround. They haven't been consistent with the reason (name out of hat or last to pay within deadline) and are probably hoping OP will just accept it. They've also only said this verbally, so they are able to climb down and look again for a solution.

Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 19:07

HoopsandEverything: If the OP and other parents were happy for her DS to go in the girls' dormitory then I am sure it could be arranged just fine. I wouldn't be happy with that myself. I don't get why it doesn't make sense to you that there is a spare space in one dorm but not the other...

Redesul · 08/12/2016 19:08

I've only skimmed but think, I've caught all of the OPs posts. What do they expect him to do, at school, alone, the only one in the class? I suspect his class teacher will be on the trip? I was in the situation as a kid because my parents couldn't afford it, I got to "help" with the reception kids, which pretty much just meant me sitting around doing nothing. My dad just told me to stay home. There were only about 50 kids in the whole school though

Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 19:09

phone Ofsted

Really not going to be effective. Ofsted might (might) make a note of it and take it into account in 4 years or at the next inspection point. They are not interested in individual parent complaints as the basis for school inspections.

EweAreHere · 08/12/2016 19:10

outrageous

thatdearoctopus · 08/12/2016 19:11

It is normal for staff to share on a school residential

Is it? Whilst I think it is appalling what the school has done here and they need to find a solution, I can tell you that, as a teacher, I would not be prepared to share a bedroom with a colleague on a school trip.

WyfOfBathe · 08/12/2016 19:11

Unless they've booked a very small venue, I would be very surprised if the school couldn't sort this out (if they wanted to).

I've organised residential trips before, but for secondary so it's never going to be the whole year group going. We don't confirm numbers with the hostel/organisers/etc until we know how many students want to go. I thought this would be standard practice.

HoopsandEverything · 08/12/2016 19:12

Trifler It does make sense now i know it's four bed dorms only (sorry, usually the residential places i've visited have numerous beds in numerous dorms so you can juggle numbers of sexes - like 3,4,5,6 beds per dorm). Does that make sense?

If you have 10 beds of 4 and you have 19 girls but 21 boys, clearly the extra boy has no bed. But I still think a mattress on the floor of a boys dorm is doable as they will be within their insurance numbers.

I also reckon adult teachers should share / mix sexes in their own rooms to free up extra bed space for children?

thatdearoctopus · 08/12/2016 19:12

My experience of PGL trips (and I imagine other organisations would have a similar set-up) is that they have flexible accommodation, precisely for this sort of scenario. So bedrooms/dormitories can have a range of children in them, according to b/g ratios.

HoopsandEverything · 08/12/2016 19:13

It is normal for staff to share on a school residential

Not on the ones I went on. In this case, I think the teachers, as the adults in the situation, need to suck it up and share (if they aren't already) to allow a child to attend the school trip.

Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 19:14

HoopsandEverything: Got you, sorry. Yes, I think it would be good if staff could share, if they are not doing so already that is.

WyfOfBathe · 08/12/2016 19:14

Is it? Whilst I think it is appalling what the school has done here and they need to find a solution, I can tell you that, as a teacher, I would not be prepared to share a bedroom with a colleague on a school trip.

We often share, 2 to a room (unlike Guide camps, where leaders can be 4 or 6 to a tent Grin). I suppose being a small department who all get along means that it works out okay - and before asking staff from other departments if they'd like to come, we let them know.

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