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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so angry with DS's school right now ?

265 replies

TheLaundryLady · 08/12/2016 17:06

Having a crappy week (see thread about friend letting me down) and it just keeps getting worse

DS's school are planning a residential trip to Shropshire next October for his year group.
DS very excited about trip so we complete the paperwork and pay the deposit as requested by the deadline. Paperwork went back about 2 weeks before deadline but due to a glitch with schools parent pay system we didn't pay deposit until the last day of the deadline.

Fast forward to today after being told that he was on the trip I receive a phone call from school telling me that they had messed up and had got the boy/girl ratio wrong and had one boy too many on the trip. Therefore DS will now be unable to go.

I was told that if he was a girl he could still have gone but they chose him not to go because We were last to pay.

Now they have known how many girls and boys are in that year group since reception.

If this was purely first come first serve I would understand but this clearly seems to be about his gender - he can't go because he's a boy.

Head teacher has basically said tough and DS is gutted

OP posts:
RhiWrites · 08/12/2016 17:49

I think this is gender discrimination.

RichardBucket · 08/12/2016 17:50

It's not discrimination - please don't go in with that tack or they will be less receptive.

It's clearly ridiculous to exclude ONE child from a year group from a trip. That's the approach you need to take.

rookiemere · 08/12/2016 17:51

Trifleorbust - it's more than a simple mistake though because of the massive implications it will have for OP's DS. I don't know what age he is, but I know how much DS looks forward to the whole class residentials, being as they are bonding exercises for the whole class.
Strong friendships are forged on these trips, and it's ridiculous to hold the trip with one DC being excluded.

Original poster
TheLaundryLady · 08/12/2016 17:52

Trifle are you the head teacher ? yes people make mistakes but to claim that you are an inclusive school and then single out one child is surely not right.
If you make an error of this scale you have an obligation to rectify it

It is DS who will have to listen to all of his friends, class mates and teachers getting excited and preparing for the trip. He will be on his own in school for week whilst they are away and he will have to listen to them talking about the trip when they get back - not acceptable to me as his mum

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 17:53

The facility might not allow extra beds for safety reasons. That is fairly standard. And it's also fairly standard for schools to underbook as it's quite rare every child can go or pays up on time and the school ends up very out of pocket. I get why this has happened. I just think the loss of a place should be a chance the students affected (and sadly it will have to be the boys as there is one more of them) should bear equally.

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2016 17:53

I think they are just going to say tough

No. There will be some way of putting a bed in somewhere.

They have got to get this sorted.

Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 17:54

Well, OP, I was agreeing with you before but now I think you sound a bit rude! You have a good point about your son. That's as far as it goes imo. But good luck.

Cherylene · 08/12/2016 17:54

Too right, complain! Right the way through the system.

DS is the only child not going? He will have this hanging over him until next October Sad. There will be preparations he will not be involved in and there will be his schooling (along) whilst they are away.

As someone said above, the last payer could have been scraping together the deposit, so close the Christmas. They should have known the numbers available and that there would be one child denied a place. What did they have in place to cover this - other than dumping one random child? Or were they hoping someone just could not afford it? Angry

RandomMess · 08/12/2016 17:54

YANBU - as there were insufficient places it should have been clear up front. Also they should have been clear how they would select if too many wanted to go.

I really can't believe they were ridiculous enough to book somewhere where only a couple wouldn't be able to attend. They should be choosing somewhere that has enough capacity for every child to be inclusive, including extra TAs if DC have additional needs that require support.

Angry
BertrandRussell · 08/12/2016 17:55

It's not gender discrimination- but it is outrageous.

Go and talk to the Head, and see if a solution can be found -a camp bed, for example. The centre may not go for that though, they tend to have very strict rules. Are you sure there wasn't a "first come first served" thing? Unless there are 20 girls and 21 boys in the class there must have been something in place in case of too much demand.......

Wills · 08/12/2016 18:02

I'd phone as many papers as possible - either child not allowed to go because he's a boy (regardless of whether this falls under gender discrimination or not) or school payment schemes cockup means my child will be the only one not going etc. Newspapers LOVE this sort of thing.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 08/12/2016 18:02

Agree it's not discrimination really but it is outrageous. They shouldn't have booked somewhere without enough places for everyone. And definitely not one short.

rookiemere · 08/12/2016 18:03

A mistake is forgetting a child's pack lunch. I'd call it gross incompetence to book a school year trip that doesn't accommodate the full year.

BarbarianMum · 08/12/2016 18:05

Maybe gather some more information before complaining - then at least you'll know what the problem is. Why do the genders need to be balanced? How many are not going? How was it decided that your ds wasn't? Then you'll know what your dealing with.

Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 18:05

rookiemere: It's really not. It's very rare to have 100% take up of a residential. I would expect they thought they would have more than enough places and, if anything, they would have to subsidise those extra places.

Cherylene · 08/12/2016 18:05

Newspapers do love these things, but there are proper channels to follow, and that has a chance in resulting in a solution that is right for all.

Going to the newspapers just results in closing of ranks - seen it happen before.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2016 18:09

This isn't ok, they should have booked the trip to facilitate every child to go, the fundamental error was under booking in this manner. I'd also complain, it's simply not ok for them to do this. They will have to find another solution and sort it, they can't exclude one child because they assumed less would go than are.

Original poster
TheLaundryLady · 08/12/2016 18:09

Apologies if I appeared rude that was not my intention.

I have been on the school website but it is not up to date with current polices.

I will go in tomorrow morning and start the formal complaints process - I will start with head teacher and take it as far as I need to

I do know that if they will not resolve this issue DS will not be going to school that week

OP posts:
MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 08/12/2016 18:09

Sounds a bit like they have a dorm for 30 girls and dorm for 30 boys but 31 boys applied (they probably expected one not to).

Scouts allow girls and boys to share as long as there is a separate place to change/shower and go to the loo. Also you need consent from all parents.

They must be able to get another bed in the boys dorm.

Trifleorbust · 08/12/2016 18:10

That's okay, OP. I hope this is resolved.

rookiemere · 08/12/2016 18:11

Well trifleorbust I know how my DS would feel if told he was the only DC not going on the school residential, and I'm glad to say that I'm fully confident that this situation would not arise in DS's school.

It doesn't really matter what the school thought, or how these things normally work. A residential school trip for the fully year should be exactly that. Presumably they will be discussing it in lessons and there will be meetings about it. Meetings and discussions that OP's DS is excluded from.

I actually get angrier the more I think about it, but agree that press not the way to go until you've spoken to board of governors.

BertrandRussell · 08/12/2016 18:12

How are you going to argue that this is discrimination, OP?

Starlight2345 · 08/12/2016 18:12

I can't see how they can exclude one child..You have seen the threads on here when one child excluded from a party..

I am not sure taking it to the papers would make your child feel any better...I would however complain.

BarbarianMum · 08/12/2016 18:13

Not necessarily - fire regs. Which doesn't mean another solution can't be found, just that I can't imagine a responsible venue would just stuff another bed in.

BertrandRussell · 08/12/2016 18:13

How many are there in the year group? Is it a very small school?

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