MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

I'm popping in at half 12 so I'll let you know what she says.

YANBU. Why should you let it go? She knew you were looking for it and she lied.

And my two girls have been through nursery and pre-school and never had lost or paint splattered clothes. Your nuseries all need better aprons.

I don't know how old these dcs are, but perhaps the other gd fancied the hat and wouldn't give it up? I can imagine that happening and dm (no longer around but looked after dsis's dcs) giving in. Perhaps the mil is covering for the sil who nicked the hat.

Agree with others - it is a hat . It is really not worth falling out over. Annoying, indeed, but if the mil does childcare, it's a small price to pay.

She's a thief. What you said was right and fair. If she kicks off just call her out on it publically.

pike

Plenty of other threads on here. Why you still hanging around making sarcastic digs?

I thought your response was quite measured OP.

Are you my MIL, pike?

Cheeky cow! Do you think she favours the other granddaughter?

I do get the point. I just can't get excited over it. It's a hat. A lovely matchy hat. It got lost. OP saw dn wearing it. Got upset and accused MIL of stealing it. Now on her way around for words.

There could be a genuine reason for it. In which case OP is bu. MIL might be a hat thief and nicked it for other dgd. If she is a hat thief then pay for childcare. If not then apologise and move on.

Sorry I have to agree that your response was unnecessarily rude. This is a woman who looks after your child and presumably cares for her well if you are happy for her to do this. Do you even pay her? What would have been wrong with just saying 'Oh great! The hat turned up. Dd will be so pleased when I tell her you've found it!' She might have forgotten about it. She might have found it that morning and let her other gd wear it. She might have accidentally sent it home with the other gd and it's only just been returned. Any number of things might have happened. If there's one thing you can be pretty sure of its that she wasn't hiding it away to upset your dd on purpose surely? If you suspected any I'll intention why would you let her mind your child? And if it's a simple mistake what a foul way to speak to a relative doing you a massive favour!

I can't believe there are so many people on MN spoiling for a fight. Encouraging posters to argue/fall out with people - to storm into schools, to go no contact with pils, to LTBs for very minor reasons. I'm not advocating being a doormat in life, but sometimes an inward groan and a plastered-on grin is a better route. Especially at Christmas.

But the hat and colour is hideous on one little girl and glorious on the other?
Sneakiness is a good survival trait.(yellow grin)

I think your response was brilliant!! Can't wait to see what she says when you go pick up the hat later!

OP I can't believe you are getting such harsh responses.
I totally see your point!

• You described the hat to your MIL and told her multiple times your were looking for it
• It was a really nice hat, not a random one
• From your MIL' s reaction you believe she knew who the hat belongs to

To some of the previous posters who are saying that because she looks after your DD you shouldn't have reacted like this: so because a family member providers childcare for you it gives them the right to take your child's belongings and give them away? And when you ask about it, lie to you and pretend they don't know anything about it?

Can't stand how posters come on here slagging off their 'awful' inlaws then happily have them mind their children for free. Not 'awful' enough to put your hand into your pocket for childcare obviously! And they are always of the opinion that it is they whoare doing the gp's a great service by letting them enjoy their little darlings company as if looking after a young child when you are getting on yourself is absolutely no work. You would be doing them a favour if you visited them and let them enjoy spending time with their gc at their own convenience without having to do the hard work. Not by using them as childcare whilst picking at them for every minor mistake.

She does pike

She's passive aggressive as well.

You were not rude OP, not at all.

that's awful, to take a hat and lie about it. theft really. i wonder what her story will be...

My sister used to nick my stuff, swear blind she hadn't and watch while I hunted high and low for it. Even when you found it in her drawer or locker, she'd accuse you of stashing it there to frame her.

So yes, you were right to politely call her out on it. But expect her to say that DN appeared wearing it only this morning and that she had no idea that DN stole it from her house or something. If your DH thinks his own mother is sneaky and not to be trusted, then you should listen to him as he knows her best.

eddielizzard
She will probs say she 'Found' it just that morning

Why would she give the hat to her other granddaughter? Unless she found it while looking for a hat for dg2 that day and thought "oh that's dg1's hat! I must give it back to her. It'll do for today though".

Any way, you're seeing her at 12.30 you say?