MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

So why do you think she lied? Isn't it much more likely to be a genuine mistake?

I'm still a bit shocked that the crime of (even deliberately) letting her other DGD wear your DD's hat somehow eclipses the enormous favour and thousands of pounds she's saved you. Yes it's a bit annoying, she should have just admitted her mistake but if it bothers you that much you could pay a nursery £100 a day to look after your DD. Or alternatively buy 5 new hats for your DD every day with the money you've saved.

she wouldn't have blushed if she'd just got mixed up

She might've done. Maybe she felt silly, that she had made a mistake, and blushed about it. Maybe the hat had just turned up today, and she quickly used it, as your niece didn't have one, the felt embarrassed because she knew it looked as if she had lied.

Perhaps the hat got sent home to the other GD last year in error and only reappeared that morning, so the redness was that she knew it was your hat , but like you did not want to take it off a child on a cold day so let the other GD wear it out, and then unfortunately ran into you.

Hats do get lost and found, just look on any park or school gate!

And it is only a hat . Worse things are happening in the world.

I think you've done exactly the right thing - assertive but not aggressively so. It's your daughter's hat, bought for her by you to match a coat she had, admittedly that she's probably grown out of by now but that's not the point. It's your daughter's hat.

People blush for lots of reasons including confusion, anger, self-conciousness and dislike of confrontation. Others - like me actually - don't blush at all no matter how embarrassed/angry/ guilty etc we might be. It's not a litmus test for truth.

she wouldn't have blushed if she'd just got mixed up
I blush easily and would definitely blush in a situation like that, ESPECIALLY if I'd cocked up, made a mistake and given the wrong kid the wrong hat and someone started gunning at me for it.

Haveno, I agree with your point entirely, but do you really pay £100(!) per day for nursery fees for one child? Is that the going rate in London? We pay £50 a day and that's bad enough.

Crosspost with Hardcore!

What is your relationship with her like normally?

Just put a label on everything. Buy pack of sticky ones so it doesn't take any time to put them on, and they survive the wash. I have even put labels on the teddies!

That's really bad. My in laws just take stuff of mine from my house though. It's usually small things like nice pens or an umbrella or a Christmas decoration. It winds me up massively though. They are like children "monkey see monkey want".

StarlingMurderation Not really sure, that's what my friend told me her nursery charged when she went back to work one day a week, she lives just out of London. Maybe she had found the world's most expensive nursery though!

She was probably scarlet as she was upset you were speakibg to her like that and basically accusing her of lying.

This is your husband's mother and child grandmother, who you leave your child with once a week so obviously trust her. Ffs it was probably a mix up!

Trouble is, that will look a bit PA, after "hatgate", dingdong.

I can't believe how rude you were over a kids hat. I actually find it really sad how filled with anger and hatred people are on mumsnet. She looks after your kid - you 'wouldn't leave a child cold' eh? buy her another hat!

our kids stuff gets mixed up at childminders - perfectly normal.

nursery in London where I live is 50 a day.

Really waterrat?! Can you share the name? I pay £80!

£50 buys a shed load of hats!

And having a lovely relationship with her grandmother? What price do we put on that?

I don't believe you - it's a fucking hat! She didn't take it for her own gain either. Yes it's disappointing when something you like on your child goes missing but ffs the cost of that day's childcare would buy you a copious number of hats! You clearly don't like the woman so I don't know why you are letting her mind your child. If I was minding her and you spoke to me like that, well you would be looking for childcare for that day!

And, from experience, clothes are liable to go missing in a creche/childminder situation because things get mixed up between children. My DS had a gorgeous furry jacket, wore it to creche and it was never seen again. I didn't 'create'!! Wind your neck in -- "worth watching" - because of a missing hat?! Your DH is as bad as you too for not speaking up for his mother!!

HardcoreLadyType possibly, but you have to do it with nurseries, play groups and preschools, so might as well start sometimes!

The cheapest nursery here is £6.50 an hour, so 10 hours from 8am to 6pm, cheapest day is £65. Mine is £8 an hour, whilst I think the government only gives them £3.50ish for the 15 hours "free" (so with all the ads-on, we pay pretty much the full price).

Can we please have a pic of said hat

I can see why you/DH are earybof her looking after dd. If she lied about the hat, what else does she lie about? What dd has eaten, whether she napped, whether she's played all day, or been stuck in front of soaps All afternoon(not my MIL, a friend's).