MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

You were a bit harsh OP, she must have been mortified - I assume that this is one of a long line of incidents? If your MIL is generally honest, caring, nice to you etc then you were massively BU, if not then you over reacted but if you are putting up with it all the time then I get it

My MIL has 4 grandsons very close in age and its a revolving door clothing wise

Does she normally play favourites between the grandchildren?

You were a bit harsh OP, she must have been mortified

Yes, Because she got found out!

She has lied to the OP. I don't for one second think she 'forgot' whose hat it was.

I have a number of DGC and I don't get their things mixed up.

It was rude. It's a hat, not worth being passive aggressive and embarrassing someone who does you a huge favour and has saved goodness knows how much money in childcare.

You could have just said "Great you found dd's hat" and left it at that.

I would have said "ahhh that's the hat I was talking to you about, when DN gets home can you put it on the side and I'll collect it on Tuesday.

I reckon that is went home by mistake last year with the DN though and her mother kept it.

I have a number of DGC and I don't get their things mixed up.

Good for you for being perfect, but my fantastic mum has six, four of whom spend alternate weekends at her house, and she does get their stuff mixed up from time to time. Three of them are very close in age and one pair of gloves/socks/woolly hat/pencil case/jumper/hairband looks much like another. They're siblings, so it doesn't matter much in her case, but these things do happen and the OP needs to cut her MIL some slack instead of immediately assuming the worst and being reactionary.

It is a "lovely hat" bought to "go with a coat", not just any old scruffy beanie.

MIL clearly in the wrong here & clearly knows it. Is your DN her particular favourite, I wonder?

I think your reaction was spot on.

I don't think its rude to have confronted her, it's a weird thing to do and in a way showing favouritism towards the other grandchild. Even if you hadn't said anything she'd have been embarrassed and gone red, simply for being caught out. The fact that someone minds a child for one day a week doesn't mean you haven't the right to call them out over behaviour such as this.

She only had two grandchildren.

If I'm being honest, it's the fact that I've asked her about it a few times. I don't spend loads of money on DD's clothes but this hat was expensive and she knew this.

*has not had

Well done OP.

She had a cheek. Even if she had got it mixed up given that you had specifically asked her about it recently, it's clear she was trying it on.

What did your DH say about it?

YANBU. What it is is irrelevant. The point is its something that you bought for your daughter. MIL can't just keep it when she decides she wants her other GD to have it. She knew, that's why she went red. Good on you for saying something. It wasnt rude at all.

Her response when you go to get it will be interesting!

Yep pike those were my actual pompous words my MIL isn't slow and if the roles were reversed she'd have gone through the roof.

Again I ask does she normally favouritised her grandchildren?

So your niece over yours?

I agree with plums and Elsa. You could have made your point in a so much more polite and subtle way. I sincerely hope that she is far to embarrassed to do any more childcare for you.

I dont think she has favourites...just an odd thing to do.

barbarian so you just let you child's possessions go awol and dont question it when it turns up On another child.
Forgive me if I don't believe you.

Also, she's not to be trusted. What's to say I don't want her looking after DD?

My DH didn't seem too surprised when I explained. I think he thinks she's worth the watching.

yanbu, i think she knew rightly and the other dgd must have known it wasn't her hat.

It's a bloody hat, get a grip. She very well could have gotten mixed up and you've completely over reacted. All you had to do was say "oh that's DD's hat". I highly doubt it was some nefarious plan to change the owner of said hat.

I woul speak to my MiL like that in public or in private. I'd assume a mix up had occurred and be pleased that the hat had reappeared and arrange (politely) to get it back. If you really, truly believe that your MiL steals from your dd CD and 'needs watching' then wtf are you leaving your dd with her?

I think if they're close enough in age to be able to wear each other's clothes, it would be quite easy to mix up clothes.

She might've mixed up the hats last winter, sent it home with your niece, and this is the first time your niece has worn it this year.

Really, there's loads of explanations of why the hat turned up that don't rely on your MIL maliciously hiding the hat from you, and sneakily giving it to someone else.

Unless she really does seem to show favouritism towards your niece, over your DD, then I would just assume it was an honest mistake, or series of mistakes.

That should be wouldn't speak

Good woman OP. She should be scarlet. The cheek of her, she wouldn't have blushed if she'd just got mixed up.

Stealing a hat from a baby and lying about it.