'I can't even cook cheese on toast'

[NaughtyLittlePassport]

Prepared to be told IABU.
Having coffee with a relatively new friend, I said something about making Christmas dinner, she then said that she 'couldn't even make cheese on toast'. I was visibly gobsmacked and as it turns out she really can't cook anything!
She was really offended that I was so surprised, and told me she'd always been too busy to learn. I've offered to help her with some basics but she's ignored my message and cancelled our DS's playing together
To not drip feed I was really shocked, going 'what not even. ....' and questioning what her kids eat probably a bit too much.
But really, wouldn't you be shocked if a 40 year old couldn't cook anything at all?

If human beings required a micromanaged nutritional intake to survive we would have died out aeons ago.

The other parent cooks. It says so. These dc are not being deprived of home cooked food. Relax!

I don't believe that bread and butter, ready cooked meats, ready meals and fruit which are sometimes topped up by microwaved food left by the other parent is adequate.

It nowhere states that other parent cooks every night, nor weekly, it states she can cook. And as you keep demonstrating - parents that can cook, often don't for various reasons.

From what's posted, I'm going with this kid has a shit diet. And from what you lot of posted saying it's fine, it's coming across that that knowledge of balanced diets, nutrition and their health benefits in our society is sadly missing.

I agree - what constitutes a decent diet prob quite basic we can't all be gwyneth feeding our kids seared mung beans every night or cutting out sugar.

Kerala Exactly.

EustaceClarenceScrubb

Not every smoker gets cancer either? But we still say smoking is bad for health?

Looks like my point is going over your head.

Yes, we have only the OP's word to go on. The OP who doesn't live with this child, at home or at weekends, and who only heard this over a conversation about Christmas catering. Precisely.

At present she is the best source available, because she is the only source, but this is still an unreliable source of information! That lack of further information does not magically make our unreliable source reliable. Miniscule micro-analysis of it is meaningless.

Bloody hell, it's like Blair and the weapons of mass destruction all over again. This is how it happened, isn't it?

A balanced meal is quite basic.

Meat or fish taken out of packaging and put in oven

Carb boiled/ put in microwave/ put in oven

Vegetable chopped/ opened and boiled, microwaved or put in oven.

That's not cooking. Cooking is about making things taste nice. Cooking is about combining things and trying new things. Cooking is about creating something.

Cooking doesn't equal healthy balanced diet at all. I can be healthy only be doing the above. The food will be dull and might not taste of much but what you're continually missing is the MANY PEOPLE DON'T CARE

Tara

I guess you shouldn't be a MN member then - it's usually the case you only have the OPs words to go on - that's the point of a discussion in the internet forums.

Although on this thread there are also a few of us basing our opinions in the discussion on scientific fact relating to the importance of a well balanced, nutritional diet being provided to children in their childhood by their parents.

Wolver We are talking about a woman that said she couldn't put cheese on to a piece of bread a grill it. I think using the oven may be a bit out of her reach...

But I totally agree with you when you say it's simple - YES. It is extremely simple which is why no parent should be claiming they can't do it (barring those that have genuine reasons such as disability).

And just because you feed your DC a non cooked balanced meal doesn't mean that everyone who doesn't cook will

And many people who do cook won't cook a good balanced meal. They'll cook shite. So as much as you witter on about cooking, it doesn't mean much.

Maybe because the OP actually knows this couple she's in the only position to say what's really going on eh?

OP says its a new friend, so its unlikely that she actually knows much at all. And you know even less, so its ludicrous to be judging them at all.

It nowhere states that other parent cooks every night, nor weekly, it states she can cook. And as you keep demonstrating - parents that can cook, often don't for various reason

Aaaaaaaaaaagh!

"It" is a few posts by a woman about what her mate said over coffee.

It is not a case scenario in a GCSE exam paper ("Lois has been brought up on crisps and rotisserie chicken and her parents have come to a clinic on nutrition. Advise her parents on why this diet is inadequate and how to improve it").
"It" is not a detailed report after a lengthy investigation by a dietician and a squad of support workers.

Combining cheese and bread is about taking things and using them to create something else (ie extremely basic cooking)

Putting things in the oven is akin to knowing how to remove the lid of the toothpaste, or flick the switch on a kettle, turning on a to It's not cooking, and everyone knows how to do it.

And OP doesn't know anything about the OPs cooking, she barely knows her

How is the other parent leaving cooked food to heat up if they are not cooking? Normally these are called leftovers, not shitty microwave meals.

Does partner never come home and cook tea? We don't know but it seems silly to assume if partner cooks it must be very rarely. If you're the cook in your household do you only cook rarely?

If dc are very fussy they might be self limiting their diet. You can be chef, nutritionist, whatever. If a stubborn toddler doesn't want to eat it, they won't.

She doesn't know anything about her she didn't even know she didn't cook ffs

The 2 questions in this thread are different. 1) is it possible to not be able to learn to cook? 2) is it possible to be healthy on food that doesn't require cooking? I think yes to both.

When i went to the paediatrician, beside myself with worry about the dc diet, they laughed and said while it wasn't 'interesting' (limited variety) it pretty much covered everything - salmon fish cakes, sausages, quiche and chicken - protein, brown bread, wheat bran breadsticks and weetabix- carbs. Houmous, veg soup, apples, cucumber, sweet corn, cauliflower - veg/fruit. Cheese, milk, yogurt, butter - dairy/fats. Oat and raisin cookies - fat, carbs etc.

None of these require 'cooking' (is heating up fish cakes and soup cooking?) and i was told someone could live very healthily on them. I would be bored shitless - but it covers pretty much everything apparently.

The paed also said a lot of children diets are much much much worse. And while it's not a race to the bottom, this is fairly normal (i've worked in schools and seen what lots of kids eat and some of the stuff posted on MN is just completely out of my experience as the norm.)

You know its you kind of judgy people that really bother young parents who are doing their best. A few folk with very high ideals and think everyone else should match up to them.
There are people banging on and on about what kids should be eating when they don;t have any and don't know how difficult it can be to get fussy kids to eat anything at all.
Shame on you.

Being brutally honest I automatically judge non cookers because cooking is something I love, enjoy doing and am really good at (savoury anyway not baking) but that doesn't make me right to do so.

One of my DSis' doesn't know how to cook and her DH doesn't bother much but their kids are fine, growing normally & no hang ups about food that I've seen.

Not knowing how to cook (and it's not knowing rather than an inability) isn't a huge issue as there are loads of 'warming up' or cold options available that don't require 'cooking' skills.

Unfortunately because I love cooking so much and have instilled this in my DS he too is a bit judgyMcjudgypants about his mates not cooking (he was more judgy than me even when his first HE lesson was - adding crusha to milk and putting a biscuit on a plate beside it!) BUT they introduced him to their easy warm up/add water food and I think that it's cool that he can happily forego cooking when he feels like it.

Unless kids are not getting any food or just the infamous turkey twizzlers then it's not a huge deal. I preferred to teach mine to cook, because I could and I love it, but even if a kid isn't taught to cook early on it doesn't mean they can't learn when they are older if they want to.

One of my v good friends is shit at cooking, even growing up with at least one parent that cooked a lot, she just doesn't like cooking and she still has a healthy diet.

We all silently or not so silently judge everyone around us so the OP and others are just being judged too as much as they are judging others.

Life innit.

Was I referring to her? I know you struggle with understanding that other people exist, but think a bit more wider.

I'm afraid I'm with a pp, in that if you make idiotic choices - because let's play fair, it IS idiotic to not to be able to cook ANYTHING! What if the wife gets admitted to hospital for example? - then you have to expect to be judged / received incredulously from time to time. With books freely available, the internet, access to a kitchen, ability to read and the IQ to manage that, I see it as more like a choice to be ignorant. Which is fine! If she said -'I don't cook' or 'I won't cook', or 'I could chuck something together if I was inclined or I really had to' or but she said 'I CAN'T cook', as in anything at all...I think she's a douche. And to cut you off over it? After you've apologised too! Double douche.