'I can't even cook cheese on toast'

[NaughtyLittlePassport]

Prepared to be told IABU.
Having coffee with a relatively new friend, I said something about making Christmas dinner, she then said that she 'couldn't even make cheese on toast'. I was visibly gobsmacked and as it turns out she really can't cook anything!
She was really offended that I was so surprised, and told me she'd always been too busy to learn. I've offered to help her with some basics but she's ignored my message and cancelled our DS's playing together
To not drip feed I was really shocked, going 'what not even. ....' and questioning what her kids eat probably a bit too much.
But really, wouldn't you be shocked if a 40 year old couldn't cook anything at all?

You see, there is the difference. I don't have any issues with either approach. I do cook, but I also recognise that (for whatever reason) some do not. It's just not an issue to me, and I don't judge either way.

A person's ability to provide a healthy balanced diet for their children does not solely rely on their ability to cook.

What's your point? I never said I didn't cook. I said some people don't. Just because I do cook, why should I be so blinkered as to think my way is the only way?

I'm not sure why you are struggling with this so much.

Just because someone doesn't cook, that does not mean that their children never get a hot meal. I know people that don't cook but their children have a hot meal every single day of the year. Again, it's all about choices. And not judging others.

Like I've just said I would find it hard not to cook as my DC do a lot of sport. Youngest Ds is swimming 5/6 nights a week. He needs something cooking when he gets home. So shoot me

Still struggling with the difference between yourself and others?
Nobody cares whether you cook or not for your amazing sporty healthy children. It's not our business.
Why do you think everyone elses family is your business?

It's a discussion - the points were raised a discussion for opinions.

I actually give a shit what other people cook their children because it's my society that's facing a huge endemic of shit child health due to piss poor nutrition.

This whole "it's not my business, therefore I don't speak up" when it comes to children is a really poor outlook. It's damaging entire generations of our society. "I'd rather turn the other way, than offer help because it's not my business". This attitude makes no sense to me at all.

I seriously hope that if someone saw me doing something that i could improve on with my kids, they'd make the suggestion to me. I may not take it too well, but it would at least have been made and I would at least mull it over (and possibly change the way I did things).

Sure, you can have an opinion. Don't let common sense and facts get in the way of that opinion. Judge all you like.

When it comes right down to it, some random person on MN judging others for not cooking is not even on most people's radar.

Enjoy. 😄

I'd rather turn the other way than offer help

Once again, you are spectacularly missing the point. Those that choose not to cook are likely not asking for help. And they are not doing anything wrong or neglecting their children just because they don't cook.

Parents need to provide a healthy balanced diet for their children. Provide and cook are two entirely different things.

Parents need to provide a healthy balanced diet for their children. Provide and cook are two entirely different things.

Bread and Butter, cooked meat, ready meals and fruit (which is what this parent is PROVIDING) is not a bloody balanced diet. It's a crap diet.

I think you and I have a very different opinion on what constitutes a balanced healthy diet.

Navy I've realised.

Ah education regarding nutrition is so bloody poor in this country. Our NHS would be doing a lot better if parents took responsibility for providing the basic level of nutritional needs to their children.

It's not a diet at all. It's one meal. You can't gauge whether or not they are eating a balanced diet on one meal. If this is the extent of your knowledge of a balanced diet, then I'd have to agree that education regarding nutrition in this country is poor indeed.

The other parent does the home cooking, potentially every day if she does tea everyday. These dc are not being nutritionally neglected. There's nothing out of the ordinary in having toast for breakfast, sandwich & fruit for lunch and a cooked tea (by the other parent).

Bravo. I don't think some people realise just how freaking important good nutrition in childhood is and how poor nutrition can lead to life-long consequences for children.

You keep banging on about this Hoops, but what are the consequences? You know that most of the war time generation had a poor diet due to rationing, they did not all suddenly die out before their time, did they? In fact my Dad had a rubbish diet even before the war, because his parents were piss poor and could not afford good food or any food really. He mainly lived off jam sandwiches, cheese if they were really flush, and the only meat he got was a bovril drink. He somehow managed to survive until he was 82, and was hardly ever ill until he succumbed to cancer. His mum & sister lived into their 90's having had the same diet. So it is not a question of crap diet= life long problems. There are many other factors for health problems.

BTW I am not a bad cook, and both my husband & I eat virtually anything. My DC however are fussy as hell, I used to lovingly cook home made meals from scratch, which they both refused to eat. It is all very well people saying that you keep trying they will eat when they are hungry, but my DC would go for days without eating home cooked food because they just did not like it. How long do you leave it before you give in and make them a Marmite sandwich? I did not want them to go hungry.

We mostly eat salads these days because they will eat vegetables (mainly raw) If they did want something hot I might do some garlic bread or maybe a stir fry. But it is rare that we eat cooked food. My kids appear to be healthy although too young as yet to speak about those life long consequences you mention.

As for 'just following a recipe book' - tell that to those bloody Easter biscuits we made last year- followed the recipe book to a letter but they were a complete disaster!

Actually, we have no true idea what this parent provides. We know that she had a casual conversation with the OP, who has then reported her memories of it. It is not a carefully considered written witness statement from the parent concerned! There is a lot of room there for omissions, misunderstood humour, exaggerations, deliberate contrariness (for example, saying things like, "No, I don't know how to stick frozen roast potatoes in the oven" just to be provocative because you're irritated by the inquisition) and the general Chinese whisper effect.

I almost cannot believe that some people are analysing every word of the OP as if they're the carefully considered clues in a logic puzzle.

P.S. You eat boiled veg on its own? Really.

Well, I have oven chips (crinkle cut, ideally) on the other side of the plate, but tastes differ.

Obesity? CHD? Pre term births because of fucked dental health due to over consumption of sugar? Kids who can't learn because they've been fed shite for breakfast or they've not been fed breakfast at all? Osteoporosis. Liver and renal failure... to name a few.

Good nutrition is the most basic preventive medicine we have. Yet, people think it's totally ok to deny children from access to it.

Obesity? CHD? Pre term births because of fucked dental health due to over consumption of sugar? Kids who can't learn because they've been fed shite for breakfast or they've not been fed breakfast at all? Osteoporosis. Liver and renal failure... to name a few

yes, liver failure rates are definitely caused by one parent in a family not cooking.

Someone needs to cook themselves a Valium brownie.

You're getting judging mixed up with having an opinion or thought about something. It's not like I have gone up to a non cooking parent and said " why don't you cook?

No dear, you can judge without actually doing it in someones face. You are judging, and you know it. Perhaps you have slightly more class than the OP who did openly judge someone in particular (but I doubt it)

user1480946351 I don't eat brownies

TaraCarter We only have what the OP posted to go on - from what she posted it hasn't come across that this kid is receiving a well balanced diet.

We only have what the OP posted to go on - from what she posted it hasn't come across that this kid is receiving a well balanced diet

It hasn't come across that they aren't.

Obesity? CHD? Pre term births because of fucked dental health due to over consumption of sugar? Kids who can't learn because they've been fed shite for breakfast or they've not been fed breakfast at all? Osteoporosis. Liver and renal failure... to name a few.

But not everybody with a poor diet gets those things, re. my point about war time rationing. Also, people get those conditions even when they have had a healthy diet. Dental health is probably better now than in the past due to fluoride in the water.
Anyway, you are assuming that not cooking=poor diet. My example from my family shows you it is not necessarily the case. My kids eat raw veg with their salads, they are probably getting more veg now than when I cooked and tried to sneak it into pasta sauces (which is the other tip well meaning people are always offering) They might have pate on bread to go with it, or some cold chicken. They just don't like cooked food very much.

I can cook, I was taught , got an O level (showing my age) but I rarely do these days so have gotten out of the habit. If someone was asking me about cooking I would probably say something similar to the OP's friend. I would be offended if someone then offered me cooking lesson!

I know several older adults who have long term health problems due to poor childhood nutrition and they resent their parents for it.

Personally know we are "not allowed " to judge ever but agree with the view that as a parent part of the job description is ensuring your kids get essentially a decent diet. Yes it's a pain but so is laundry. Not sure it's something parents can choose to opt out of.