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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The man in the garden centre (staff) kissed me...

146 replies

NobblBobbl007 · 07/12/2016 09:18

Yesterday I was just stunned, today I feel more uncomfortable like I should have asserted my boundaries. Tell me what you think?

Back in the summer a young member of staff started chatting to me in my local garden centre. I didn't know him from adam but he said he recognised me from my frequent visits there. We got talking and he asked me how my garden is? It was literally chest-high in weeds as I'd had a large extension added and it had been neglected for two years. He went on to tell me how he adored gardening and would love to help me get the plot back into shape again. A week later having thought about it, I went back to the garden centre and asked if he was serious about helping me (he said he was) and I asked what his daily rate would be? He resolutely refused to accept any money saying it was against his managers rules that staff take paid employment elsewhere in their time off but that he'd still love to help me for free and that there was nothing more satisfying than seeing a neglected plot turned around. I thought the ££ a bit Confused but anyway we arranged a day. The day came, all was well, we both worked very hard, no funny business. At lunchtime I took him to a local (posh) cafe and treated him to whatever he wanted. When the end of the day came around, it was apparent he was fond of me but absolutely NOTHING happened. No innuendo etc. I'm 10yrs older. He told me he lives with his girlfriend. So I go to offer him some money because he did work really hard and again he refuses. So he leaves & that's it finished.
Then, roll on yesterday & I go to the garden centre to price up xmas trees (we're talking probably 6 months later). And there he is assisting with trees. The place is busy. I briefly check out the prices whilst he serves someone else, he nods & smiles hello. I leave that area and go inside to check out the decorations. Now in our garden centre, staff usually stay put in their 'zone'. Next thing I know I get a tap on the shoulder, he's come inside looking for me. He shifts from one foot to the other, slightly shy but with a big beaming smile on his face and then lunges forward to embrace me and kiss both cheeks! It all happened so fast I kind of went along with it. But I was taken aback. I sort of smiled back and said 'yes hello' etc but I was stunned. It was like he'd made his mind up to kiss me, never mind my personal boundaries. The whole thing was over quickly because he had to get back to his area. But today I feel uncomfortable about it. Had I been stronger I could have rebuffed that kiss - it overstepped the mark. But then it's only a kiss and it wasn't like he snogged me or anything. Today I just have that feeling that he wanted to be that intimately close to me & that he could achieve it with an 'innocent' hello kiss. It sounds so stupid, it was only a double cheek kiss, it's just the way it was done, sort of purposefully & forceful. It wasn't the light sort of 'air kiss' your gay interior designer might give you. Thankfully I don't have to go back there again so that's an end to it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 18:25

Would this be an appropriate time to say that I LOVE peter kay? Grin

northernmonkey1010 · 07/12/2016 18:27

You little cock tease you lol

AnyFucker · 07/12/2016 18:37

Peter Kay I reckon is one of those that comes across lovely on the telly but is a complete bastard in RL

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/12/2016 18:47

Everyone I know kisses on both cheeks with a hug. I thought you were going to say he snogged you in the middle of the garden centre! Sounds like he was pleased to see you, after all you're friends, aren't you?

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 07/12/2016 21:35

True, AF, but I defy anyone not to laugh at his 'misheard lyrics' routine ;)

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 07/12/2016 21:47

I found photographic evidence of the incident: it's all true!

here

Cherrysoup · 07/12/2016 21:55

Is he from the UK? Most European countries greet like this, surprised me when I moved abroad when people came towards me, I'm not happy with people touching me unless it's my dh.

It's funny, there's a fab video about this from an English guy living in Paris saying how long it takes to say goodbye when leaving a group of friends due to the 'bise' (kiss) and then it's once per cheek, twice per cheek, more if they are really close to you, dependent on the region. Grin

I think it's increasingly common in the UK too, so I'm not sure why the OP is worried, especially given he didn't stick his hand down her top or his tongue down her throat!

Wookiecookies · 08/12/2016 09:02

Awww... still no sign of the OP today? Hmm

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2016 09:11

I suspect she's not coming back as didn't expect to get called out on her own behaviour that she was the one who "over stepped the mark" and not the guy by giving her a friendly greeting.

I also feel sorry for the guy, he's probably realising he was just used here. But he did a nice thing so good for him.

DisappointingBanana · 08/12/2016 09:26

You feel sorry for the guy Bluntness? I would too if all was as described.
But seriously, on what planet would a young man, who works full time on a low wage and who has a girlfriend, choose to spend the whole day doing arduous garden work for a complete stranger for free, just because he loves gardening? And the stranger takes him out for an intimate posh lunch, but later dismisses him as "the man in the garden centre (staff)"
I'm sorry, but the OP really must find a better plot for her Mills and Boon.

usual · 08/12/2016 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sansoucitherednosedcariboo · 08/12/2016 09:28

Mmm.... the fertile breeding ground of lush, passionate growth.

Next time, do lunch in the garden, on a hot summer day. Spread a blanket under the shadiest tree, have a good bottle of wine to open, crusty baguette, smoked meat or pate and cheese. Gooey, soft runny cheese followed by juicy plump strawberries or figs... lie back & enjoy all the gifts that nature brings, particularly hard-working, slightly damp & disheveled gardeners...

JennyPocket · 08/12/2016 10:14

Bluntness I suspect she's not coming back for a different reason. Maybe she's busy typing.

KC225 · 08/12/2016 13:41

Yes. She got chatting to a young man at the dump. He insists on spending the day at her home clearing her spare room for a few nibbles and low and behold six months time he'll try to goose her by the recycling.

Agree with the others, he thought you were friends or at least friendly. Youngsters are more touch feely no (h)arm in it.

5to2 · 08/12/2016 13:44

OP - don't ever go to France will you.

DisappointingBanana · 08/12/2016 13:45

Ah KC225 has the sequel sorted for you already, OP

RedBullBlood · 08/12/2016 23:05

The twist in the tale could be that the op is a bloke...

ShatnersBassoon · 08/12/2016 23:17

I imagine this was a Dobbies

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 09/12/2016 09:54

I'm just picturing the garden centre as some sort of futuristic dystopian place run by slaves, where one must NEVER leave one's zone. I imagine the young man's supervisor shouting "GET BACK IN YOUR ZONE, SON!" while firing up his taser, but YM is so happy to see his new friend he risks it all to give her that double kiss, desperate for some form of human contact.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 09/12/2016 23:56

Yes, I like that, Saga. He's so desperate, he takes unpaid work, risking everything in the vain hope the OP will take pity upon him and purchase his freedom, alongside her Mr. Fothergill's and Miracle-Gro.

Wookiecookies · 10/12/2016 09:51

Grin november I am liking this book so far.

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