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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The man in the garden centre (staff) kissed me...

146 replies

NobblBobbl007 · 07/12/2016 09:18

Yesterday I was just stunned, today I feel more uncomfortable like I should have asserted my boundaries. Tell me what you think?

Back in the summer a young member of staff started chatting to me in my local garden centre. I didn't know him from adam but he said he recognised me from my frequent visits there. We got talking and he asked me how my garden is? It was literally chest-high in weeds as I'd had a large extension added and it had been neglected for two years. He went on to tell me how he adored gardening and would love to help me get the plot back into shape again. A week later having thought about it, I went back to the garden centre and asked if he was serious about helping me (he said he was) and I asked what his daily rate would be? He resolutely refused to accept any money saying it was against his managers rules that staff take paid employment elsewhere in their time off but that he'd still love to help me for free and that there was nothing more satisfying than seeing a neglected plot turned around. I thought the ££ a bit Confused but anyway we arranged a day. The day came, all was well, we both worked very hard, no funny business. At lunchtime I took him to a local (posh) cafe and treated him to whatever he wanted. When the end of the day came around, it was apparent he was fond of me but absolutely NOTHING happened. No innuendo etc. I'm 10yrs older. He told me he lives with his girlfriend. So I go to offer him some money because he did work really hard and again he refuses. So he leaves & that's it finished.
Then, roll on yesterday & I go to the garden centre to price up xmas trees (we're talking probably 6 months later). And there he is assisting with trees. The place is busy. I briefly check out the prices whilst he serves someone else, he nods & smiles hello. I leave that area and go inside to check out the decorations. Now in our garden centre, staff usually stay put in their 'zone'. Next thing I know I get a tap on the shoulder, he's come inside looking for me. He shifts from one foot to the other, slightly shy but with a big beaming smile on his face and then lunges forward to embrace me and kiss both cheeks! It all happened so fast I kind of went along with it. But I was taken aback. I sort of smiled back and said 'yes hello' etc but I was stunned. It was like he'd made his mind up to kiss me, never mind my personal boundaries. The whole thing was over quickly because he had to get back to his area. But today I feel uncomfortable about it. Had I been stronger I could have rebuffed that kiss - it overstepped the mark. But then it's only a kiss and it wasn't like he snogged me or anything. Today I just have that feeling that he wanted to be that intimately close to me & that he could achieve it with an 'innocent' hello kiss. It sounds so stupid, it was only a double cheek kiss, it's just the way it was done, sort of purposefully & forceful. It wasn't the light sort of 'air kiss' your gay interior designer might give you. Thankfully I don't have to go back there again so that's an end to it. AIBU?

OP posts:
JennyPocket · 07/12/2016 12:11

Hurricane we still haven't cleared up why the OP was in the garden centre enough for the young man to recognise her in the first place. When he wandered from his zone, it was because she had been in the actual plants section (pricing up trees) and that's where he saw her.

Where was she on these other occasions he recognised her from if her garden was so neglected and had been so for 2 years? Hmm?

And, at the end of her OP she says thankfully she doesn't have to go back there again. Not a keen gardener or garden-centre affictionado, then.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 07/12/2016 12:12

Perhaps he regularly tends to...neglected plots?

PeteSwotatoes · 07/12/2016 12:16

You took him on a date and you're shocked that he gave you (potentially platonic) kisses? Have a word with yourself.

PlumsGalore · 07/12/2016 12:23

I would never allow unpaid work, just in case payment in kind was expected. That in itself I would find a little odd.

Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 12:30

Loving jennynancydrewpocket right now.

OP, come back and explain your neglected plot and your frequenting of the gardeners "zone".

DontTouchTheMoustache · 07/12/2016 12:36

I wonder if young gardener had thought the whole time that OPs "neglected garden" was a euphemism (back to 1981 porno) and was thoroughly disappointed when he turned up and had to spend the whole day doing actual gardening?

HurricaneSwallows · 07/12/2016 12:39

Pike
*
Grin
*
Jenny
all true!

RedBullBlood · 07/12/2016 12:40

I think the same, dontTouch. Oooh, my plot's ever so neglected, no-ones laid a finger on it in years... I'd love some young gardener to come and give it a good seeing too...

Stopandlook · 07/12/2016 12:41
Grin
TupsNSups · 07/12/2016 12:45

Meh,

I have just had 2 customers come round with a christmas card, they both grabbed me, hugged me and kissed both cheeks. The wife of the couple I have only met once in Asda, 2 years ago whilst I was food shopping!

TheBadgersMadeMeDoIt · 07/12/2016 12:54

I suspect he was genuine about enjoying getting neglected gardens tidy again. It sounds like he really meant it when he said he'd love to do it.

It's just possible that he had a whale of a time doing his favourite thing (which he may not get to do very often if the garden centre prohibits him from taking other paid work). You said there was never any innuendo or flirting or any suggestion of an ulterior motive...and presumably while gardening and at the cafe there would have been ample opportunity?

I'd say he just likes you and had a really nice day with you once, so he greeted you enthusiastically. I wouldn't even avoid him, if it was me. Unless there's something else... some undefinable sense of discomfort around him, maybe? If he gives you the creeps then trust your gut and stay the hell away. But I don't think anything you described here is particularly weird.

HemanOrSheRa · 07/12/2016 12:59

You are all very naughty sorts Grin.

I feel sorry for Garden Centre Man. I think he saw the OP and thought 'Oh there is Nobbl. The person I did all that gardening for. For free. The person I was very fond of. I shall go and say Hello.' The End.

DisappointingBanana · 07/12/2016 12:59

I'm struggling to envisage this whole scenario in my mind and make any of it believable. It really isn't.

You took him out to for a posh lunch? Hmm

The chaste two cheek kiss is the most normal, believable part of it.

Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 13:05

Agreed, I think we need more details banana

Such as, how big was the neglected plot and did he need a really big tool to sort it? was it a shirt off, hot day kind of scenario? Did the OP need to wash his mucky clothes? Just how posh was this cafe and is the OP's name mrs robinson?

So many questions.

YouHadMeAtCake · 07/12/2016 13:22

I agree with wookie and Navy the double kiss is nothing but friendly. He was very kind to help you out and you took him for tea to say thank you. You're definitely overthinking it OP. He sounds very sweet. But I do think it was odd of you to let it happen in the first place with knowing he couldn't take payment .

wookie your post of 10.10 , that's so crazy that your friend would do all that. I must say I had a vision of him licking the windows Grin

weresquirrel · 07/12/2016 13:25

What would an 80s soft core porn film set in a garden centre be called? Obligatory use of the word "bush" to give it an authentic feel.

weresquirrel · 07/12/2016 13:31

Perhaps she frequents it to buy houseplants or plants for her front garden or presents for other people?

Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 13:31

Youhadme... we could never work out if she was incredibly naive or just enjoyed the attention and drama. This was just one of many examples of her odd behaviour around men, initially we were sympathetic, but eventually it was just so draining having to spend all day hearing about completely avoidable dramas like the door "licking" locking episode.

HmmConfused

blueshoes · 07/12/2016 13:32

Did he wear breeches?

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 07/12/2016 14:02

"Dear Garden Centre Man,
I feel I must complain in the highest order possible.
You are welcome e to come to my home, to break ypour back in my garden, to help mend my fences and have a good tug on my weeds, but how very dare you presume to contact my moist holiest of cheek with your lips in a friendly manner!
I am beside myself with rage.

Now, can you please come back to my home as I need a new border digging and I dared not do it for fear of dirtying my precious hands.
As always, a trip to a 'posh' cafe will be e only payment.

Yours,
Dame P. Isstaker"

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 07/12/2016 14:03

Was Sir Clifford waiting at home?

Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 14:21

GrinGrinGrin

Love it pinkies

KalamataNostrils · 07/12/2016 14:39

What the actual?? He sounds like a completely harmless friendly bloke. You on the other hand . . .

SkaterGrrrrl · 07/12/2016 14:49
Flowers
Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 14:53

Anyone else starting to imagine the gardener like this?