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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The man in the garden centre (staff) kissed me...

146 replies

NobblBobbl007 · 07/12/2016 09:18

Yesterday I was just stunned, today I feel more uncomfortable like I should have asserted my boundaries. Tell me what you think?

Back in the summer a young member of staff started chatting to me in my local garden centre. I didn't know him from adam but he said he recognised me from my frequent visits there. We got talking and he asked me how my garden is? It was literally chest-high in weeds as I'd had a large extension added and it had been neglected for two years. He went on to tell me how he adored gardening and would love to help me get the plot back into shape again. A week later having thought about it, I went back to the garden centre and asked if he was serious about helping me (he said he was) and I asked what his daily rate would be? He resolutely refused to accept any money saying it was against his managers rules that staff take paid employment elsewhere in their time off but that he'd still love to help me for free and that there was nothing more satisfying than seeing a neglected plot turned around. I thought the ££ a bit Confused but anyway we arranged a day. The day came, all was well, we both worked very hard, no funny business. At lunchtime I took him to a local (posh) cafe and treated him to whatever he wanted. When the end of the day came around, it was apparent he was fond of me but absolutely NOTHING happened. No innuendo etc. I'm 10yrs older. He told me he lives with his girlfriend. So I go to offer him some money because he did work really hard and again he refuses. So he leaves & that's it finished.
Then, roll on yesterday & I go to the garden centre to price up xmas trees (we're talking probably 6 months later). And there he is assisting with trees. The place is busy. I briefly check out the prices whilst he serves someone else, he nods & smiles hello. I leave that area and go inside to check out the decorations. Now in our garden centre, staff usually stay put in their 'zone'. Next thing I know I get a tap on the shoulder, he's come inside looking for me. He shifts from one foot to the other, slightly shy but with a big beaming smile on his face and then lunges forward to embrace me and kiss both cheeks! It all happened so fast I kind of went along with it. But I was taken aback. I sort of smiled back and said 'yes hello' etc but I was stunned. It was like he'd made his mind up to kiss me, never mind my personal boundaries. The whole thing was over quickly because he had to get back to his area. But today I feel uncomfortable about it. Had I been stronger I could have rebuffed that kiss - it overstepped the mark. But then it's only a kiss and it wasn't like he snogged me or anything. Today I just have that feeling that he wanted to be that intimately close to me & that he could achieve it with an 'innocent' hello kiss. It sounds so stupid, it was only a double cheek kiss, it's just the way it was done, sort of purposefully & forceful. It wasn't the light sort of 'air kiss' your gay interior designer might give you. Thankfully I don't have to go back there again so that's an end to it. AIBU?

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 07/12/2016 10:45

I'd be uncomfortable. I can just about tolerate DH and DD's kissing me.

Some people just aren't touchy feely.

I don't invite strange garden centre employees home though.

It's a good job he wasn't a serial killer Nobbl

Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 10:46

Haha red I think OP should have taken the peasant gardener to a greasy spoon, as he so rightly deserved. How dare he not know his place!

PrivatePike · 07/12/2016 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrivatePike · 07/12/2016 10:48

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JennyPocket · 07/12/2016 10:51

Not RTWT but how could he have recognised you from making frequent visits to the garden centre for if your garden had been neglected for 2 years? Confused

Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 10:52

I want a 'air kissy' gay interior designer. Why do I not have one? Can you order them from a specific cliche' catalogue?

Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 10:53

jenny you win the thread! Busted OP dailyfailjourno

PrivatePike · 07/12/2016 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

derxa · 07/12/2016 10:57

My hairdresser always gives me a kiss when I'm leaving and me

CaraAspen · 07/12/2016 10:58

"JennyPocket

Not RTWT but how could he have recognised you from making frequent visits to the garden centre for if your garden had been neglected for 2 years? confused"

To be fair, she might have been visiting for other reasons. Garden centres are not just about buying plants.

ProseccoBitch · 07/12/2016 11:03

If this happened to me I'd think it was my own fault for accepting the free help in the first place, which is why I wouldn't have. There's no such thing as a free lunch OP...

HuskyLover1 · 07/12/2016 11:04

Jeez, you must lead a very sheltered life, if this is an issue.

I thought it was going to be a french kiss, with tongues and everything.

so disappointed

Mynestisfullofempty · 07/12/2016 11:09

CaraAspen "What a weird OP. Kisses like that sound horrendously threatening I must say."

Horrendously threatening? Confused Can you explain exactly what this horrendous threat is?

Nabootique · 07/12/2016 11:09

Me too Husky. In fact, I had visions of a 1950s film style embrace where he sweeps her up and dips her. Most disappointing.

Rachel0Greep · 07/12/2016 11:18

licked the doors sorry, I know it was auto correct but that had me wondering Grin...

Tomfunsnumber1trolley · 07/12/2016 11:38

Isn't this the plot of a Douglas Sirk movie? Young gardener (Rock Hudson) falls in love with older woman?!

Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 11:38

Haha Rachel, for all I know he might have done! Grin

HuskyLover1 · 07/12/2016 11:39

Horrendously threatening? Can you explain exactly what this horrendous threat is?

Unless he has Ebola, I see zero threat, nothing, nada, zip. Some people are just weird.

Wookiecookies · 07/12/2016 11:49

Hey, OP! Where did you go?

PrivatePike · 07/12/2016 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JennyPocket · 07/12/2016 11:52

Cara what are the other reasons that aren't garden related to visit a garden centre? And seeing as OP said "Now in our garden centre, staff usually stay put in their 'zone'", but this member of staff appears to be usually assisting on plants and trees etc, it would be unlikely for him to have seen her anywhere else but the actual garden plants area.

PrivatePike · 07/12/2016 11:53

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HurricaneSwallows · 07/12/2016 11:57

Ah but Jenny as op said he wandered from his zone. Perhaps this is not the first time he has been so rebellious

PrivatePike · 07/12/2016 11:58

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Nabootique · 07/12/2016 12:06

To the garden centre maybe, against her better judgement

Grin
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