To be absolutely furious with DS's school?

[ONHmum1]

As a back story my 5yo DS is visually impaired, attends a mainstream school with on sight provisions for various disabilities/learning difficulties. He is currently on a waiting following a referral to CAMHS for an autism diagnosis. No diagnosis yet but 99% likely he is on the spectrum.

So as of lately DS hasn't been coping very well at school, hitting out, spitting, shouting, self harming etc. The same happened last year and we put it down to the changes in school this time of year, routine has gone down the pan, room changes with decorations, practicing for nativity etc etc. Day after day I have had negative comments in his home/school book to a point I have dreaded him coming home to read what he has done. They brought in a sticker chart for him to try and work towards, have been punishing him with loss of break times and dinner times until last week when I had a phone all home from his class teacher.

She began by asking me to start punishing my son at home so that it was backed up from school, then began to explain that the next form of punishment would be exclusion from the school!!

Am I being unreasonable to be furious that they are punishing my DS for their lack of knowledge/understanding/help they are giving him to be able to manage better, rather than just punishing him???

What bothers me most is we lost an absolutely amazing LSA at the end of reception when she decided to leave for another school, she worked alongside my DS's current 1-1 support and trained her up as she had no previous experience in visual impairment or SEN at all, everything the LSA had taught her seems to have vanished!
Thankfully I have kept in touch with LSA and had a long phone call with her and even she was disgusted.
DS does not understand charts, he doesn't understand that he has lost his dinner time because he had a meltdown at 9.30am because somebody touched him. He needs positive reinforcement which doesn't appear to be happening, he has 1-1 with a completely inexperienced TA, a school which prides itself on its SEN provisions and quotes on their website:

"At (removed name) Primary School we recognise that all pupils are entitled to a quality of provision that will enable them to achieve their potential. We believe in positive intervention, removing barriers to learning, raising expectations and levels of achievement and working in partnership with other agencies in order to provide a positive educational experience for all our pupils including those with a special educational need or disability."

Is failing my son!
I was beyond upset after the phone call but now I am furious. I have a meeting tomorrow straight after school with his teacher, TA, someone from the VI team, SEN coordinator and the headteacher and Im struggling to see how I'm going to keep my cool!!

So sorry for the long post!

contact your local parent partnership

@Snork, I did last Friday, and again today just waiting on someone to get back to me!

Furious for you. My ds has ADHD and the ignorance shown by his school was astounding. It was as if they thought they could just punish the ADHD out of him.
In the end the damage they did to his self esteem and to my sanity meant moving schools was the only option.
He (and we) are now much happier. There are still lots of issues but they are handled sensitively and with an emphasis on teaching not punishing.
My heart goes out to you but unfortunately I think what you are experiencing is very common.
A lot of schools just don't want kids with SEN.

IT sounds like the teacher is unable to,cope with the deteriorating behaviour of your son, and strategies to improve the situation, such as charts, have failed.

FFS these schools really piss me off.. neglect their responsibilities in the hope you get thoroughly pissed off and remove him so they don't have to bother.

Rant over. Practical advice...

Contact your local authority schools senco, they will be (hopefully) already aware of your son and his needs. Schools get a budget given to them,and if he already has a 1 on 1 they will be monitoring how resources are being EFFECTIVELY managed, in this case they are not managing and are irresponsibly punishing him

Your poor ds..

You would have good grounds if necessary to contact Ofsted also.. They are very particular about inclusive practice

What do you think they should be doing to manage his behaviour that they are not doing? Sounds like a difficult situation.

@Crusoe
It's absolutely appalling, thankfully last year he had someone who completely understood and helped him cope as best he could but this year is a mess and we are only 4 months into this school year!

I'm so glad you are both in a much better place, It's an absolutely awful feeling, the people you are relying on to help but actually end up failing is beyond upsetting/frustrating.

My son has ASD and we now home educate because of crap like this, the low point being punishing him for his vocal tics during quiet time. Sorry your son is being let down so badly.

My son was excluded for a day after biting another child, I know a bit of how you feel. We're awaiting a CAMHS referral because we think he has ADHD. The school have been very much of a mind to punish rather than support. YANBU it's a horrible situation to be in.

I would be contacting my local education authority tbh.
The school can't exclude a pupil with SEN surely?

They arent adhering to the Disability Act.
They aren't being inclusive.
They cannot exclude a cihld based on general misbehaviours....but which aren't even misbehaviours.
They are violating the SEND Descriptors.
They aren't reasonably adjusting how they teach to help your DS.

He is only 5 for goodness sake.
Your poor DS. So many children with ASD don't react well to star charts and won't understand punishments.
Hope they quickly realise how they're failing you. Have you told the HT what the teacher said?

@rouge, the schools senco will be attending this meeting tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully having so many people in one room will allow them to see their own mistakes, however the senco is constantly on site and has not intervened yet. Ofsted have just given their secondary site a less than stellar review and doubt that the infant site will be much better- they will be on my list of people to contact!

@Trifle, they need to change their strategies, less negative and more positive. Last year they did this and allowed him a space away from the class when things get too overwhelming, that helped significantly however they won't do that this year as it is more 'work focused learning'. I've tried explaining what does/doesn't work but it seems to be going in one ear and out the other. It seems if it works for them then is must work for him.

Pumpkin- kids with SEN are 8 times more likely to be excluded from school than kids with no SEN.

YANBU at all! Sorry the school are letting your son down this year.

The school can't exclude a pupil with SEN surely?

They can if the child has been given additional support and they can show there is no further reasonable action they can take.

Do they have a sensory room your DS could spend time in to relax during meltdowns? They could really do with a specific 1-1 SEN TA who has lots of experience, rather than the one he has.

Trifle, they need to change their strategies, less negative and more positive. Last year they did this and allowed him a space away from the class when things get too overwhelming, that helped significantly however they won't do that this year as it is more 'work focused learning'. I've tried explaining what does/doesn't work but it seems to be going in one ear and out the other. It seems if it works for them then is must work for him.

Did they say why they don't think the strategies you are suggesting are going to work? Obviously they should consider what you suggest (and I am sure you will raise your proposals in the meeting). What would they say are the reasons they have reached the point of asking you to support them in punishing your DS and of them threatening exclusion?

It sounds like they're trying to get rid of him. I have seen this.

Good luck at your meeting tomorrow. Prepare!

I know you removed the name of the school but google that phrase and it brings up the school website.

You may want to get that bit redacted

Has he been assessed by the school's Educational Psychologist? Their assessment and subsequent report could then potentially fastrack his ASD assessment.

YANBU to be furious but you are also going to harness that fury and fight for your CD to get the education that he is entitled to by law. Does he have a statement of educationaeducational need? If not that's the first thing he'll need (you can apply if the school is dragging it's heels). Document everything now - all communication with them needs to be backed up in writing. Who said what, when. If they phone you, follow up the conversation with an email to the school recapping the main points. If they promise something verbally, email to confirm. Exclusions are useful in one way - they demonstrate that the support he is being offered is inadequate.

No it doesn't Norahy it brings up loads of schools who have all used that same phrase once their generic SEN policy.

Does he have an EHCP? If so, this should detail the support he needs, and it will be easier to ensure they do what they are supposed to do because it's written down, and comes with funding.

If he doesn't, then things will be harder simply because there is nothing "concrete" to hold them to. However, it does sound as if they are not even trying to meet his needs in Yr1, having done so more in YR, which is ridiculous - his needs haven't magically gone away.

I know its hard, but the first step will be going into the meeting tomorrow with a clear plan of what you expect them to do to support him within the school. How to deal with his behaviours, and how what they are currently doing is failing him.

no sensory room, just a sensory garden which isn't too great this time of year!

@trifle i genuinely have no idea, I can only assume because the punishments are having little/no affect on him it means that I'm doing one thing and they're doing another and they're making sure I'm doing what they are doing. But that is the case- I'm doing it the way that works and they aren't, no explanation on why they don't use the same strategies as me.