To be absolutely furious with DS's school?

[ONHmum1]

As a back story my 5yo DS is visually impaired, attends a mainstream school with on sight provisions for various disabilities/learning difficulties. He is currently on a waiting following a referral to CAMHS for an autism diagnosis. No diagnosis yet but 99% likely he is on the spectrum.

So as of lately DS hasn't been coping very well at school, hitting out, spitting, shouting, self harming etc. The same happened last year and we put it down to the changes in school this time of year, routine has gone down the pan, room changes with decorations, practicing for nativity etc etc. Day after day I have had negative comments in his home/school book to a point I have dreaded him coming home to read what he has done. They brought in a sticker chart for him to try and work towards, have been punishing him with loss of break times and dinner times until last week when I had a phone all home from his class teacher.

She began by asking me to start punishing my son at home so that it was backed up from school, then began to explain that the next form of punishment would be exclusion from the school!!

Am I being unreasonable to be furious that they are punishing my DS for their lack of knowledge/understanding/help they are giving him to be able to manage better, rather than just punishing him???

What bothers me most is we lost an absolutely amazing LSA at the end of reception when she decided to leave for another school, she worked alongside my DS's current 1-1 support and trained her up as she had no previous experience in visual impairment or SEN at all, everything the LSA had taught her seems to have vanished!
Thankfully I have kept in touch with LSA and had a long phone call with her and even she was disgusted.
DS does not understand charts, he doesn't understand that he has lost his dinner time because he had a meltdown at 9.30am because somebody touched him. He needs positive reinforcement which doesn't appear to be happening, he has 1-1 with a completely inexperienced TA, a school which prides itself on its SEN provisions and quotes on their website:

"At (removed name) Primary School we recognise that all pupils are entitled to a quality of provision that will enable them to achieve their potential. We believe in positive intervention, removing barriers to learning, raising expectations and levels of achievement and working in partnership with other agencies in order to provide a positive educational experience for all our pupils including those with a special educational need or disability."

Is failing my son!
I was beyond upset after the phone call but now I am furious. I have a meeting tomorrow straight after school with his teacher, TA, someone from the VI team, SEN coordinator and the headteacher and Im struggling to see how I'm going to keep my cool!!

So sorry for the long post!

Have they suggested getting an Ed Psych assessment? If not, I'd suggest it.

228 no, posters who clearly know what they're talking about have just pointed out how inaccurate gincident's post was.

Trifle but how would they know what his needs are if they've not asessed them properly and without a diagnosis? They legally cannot just simply threaten exclusion.

what verbena said, definitely.

Also help should be based on need not diagnosis.

Verbana- I'm pretty sure they can. Temporary exclusions they definitely can, our school have done it to my son.

x-post
What does his EHCP say in terms of provision? Do you think it's sufficient, and are they sticking to it?

bialystockandbloom: They can, if they can show they have made all reasonable adjustments. Not sure that is the case here but the school will have evidence they have collated in this meeting and the OP would be best advised to anticipate what they are going to say, not just to stick her head in the sand and say they can't exclude him. They may well be able to if they have tried everything. Her best bet is showing them they haven't tried everything.

Show me the 5 year old who never kicks!

One mantra tokeep in you head at all times is "needy not naughty".
Your ds is acting up because his needs aren't being met.
One thing to look at is ABC charts. There is info on the NAS website.
I assume he has an EHCP as head a one to one.
Might also be worth contacting blind children uk however there educational advocacy isn't what it once was. There advocate now works independently. I think his name is Clive Matthews

This makes me furious. It sounds as if they're not coping and your poor DS is suffering for it.
My 6yo DS had similar problems last year. Your mention of the home school book and punishments and recording of behaviour that are supposed to be followed through at home rings a lot of bells.
TBH, even without SN, five is very young and the constant focus on 'bad behaviour' can feel unrelenting to a young child. With DS, he became very stressed because he didn't 'want to be a naughty boy' and the more stressed he became the worse his behaviour got. I often think expectations of children of that age at school are completely unrealistic. Especially keeping in at break. Yes, there should be consequences but children that age need to physically let off steam and I think keeping them often makes the situation worse.
Fortunately, for us, DS's problems stopped very suddenly this year when he got a new teacher. He adores her because 'she is nice and doesn't shout', and suddenly he's happy going to school again and the poor behaviour disappeared.
When I was struggling with this last year, I heard similar stories over and over again.
Your DS is only a small boy and the adults at the school are meant to be suitably trained to support him but it sounds like they're not coping. I don't have much practical advice, I'm afraid but I wanted to offer my support. Good luck. I hope things get easier for your DS.

I can completely understand that however paired with his VI he cant find things to throw/people to lash out on and it ends up being taken out on himself.

As far as the VI aspect in his EHCP, yes it is being met. But it needs amending and they cant do so until a diagnosis has been made.

There is an educational psychologist on site at the school, she made the referral and i have tried contacting since to try and get it hurried at the waiting list for CAMHS is over a year long. GP will be my next step! But you think theyd have asked her to pop into school for a bit of help and or advice! Just such a lack of communication between everyone.

I think this is Clive,s new thing
www.familiesandsen.co.uk/pages/faq

Thankyou very much for the link Mary21!

Ds secondary asks me to punish him at home to back up what they were doing at school. (He has ASD)

I said "of course, and when he's having a meltdown over his anxiety of coming into school in the morning and breaks/throws something at home I'll send you an email and you can punish him in school to back me up"

They were mightily pissed off not amused by my suggestion and just kept repeating Ds needs to see school and home working together - I suggested they wokrkd with me and not against me then as I'd suggested things that worked!

Ask them for copies of the abcc shafts they've kept showing what Ds behaviour was and what he was doing at the time. Say you want to see if you can find any pattern in the triggers to be able to discuss reasonable adjustments with them to avoid the triggers as you are sure no one wants to him him excluded.

I wish mn could rid itself of it's negative and potentially dangerous members gin. Also, my son is at a 'special needs' school (nice use of patronising quotes there) and there are lots of positive and gentle children there. It's not a dumping ground for children who have to be educated separately in case all those precious NT children get hurt.

Lots of hugs and good luck for tomorrow. You've done really well explaining and fighting your corner on this thread so you can do it!
I am not a teacher or a SENCO or anything but this punishing kids at home to support school sounds like 'wait till your father gets home' type of punishment and I thought we had moved beyond this? Shouldn't punishment be immediate and relevant NOT stored up for the future? By the time he gets home, it should be about talking about it and what he could do differently? Or am I a hippy lunatic?

Yanbu op - I read an article today by a headmaster who often gets approached by the LEA to take children with ASD who have been permanently excluded from their school. He rarely excludes because he recognises that alot of children with autism can't make the connection between their behaviour and exclusion and that it can become an incentive for some. He also doesn't punish behaviours which come about because the child is anxious and upset. He looks to address the cause instead.

I wish all ms school head's shared the same view.

They can put in place things before a diagnosis is made. Ds wasn't diagnosed with autism until last month but his EHCP has been in place since September. At the end of the day whatever diagnosis is or isn't given doesn't change his needs.

School need to find the best way to support him. Sounds like he needs a "safe space" to escape to when things get too much and his TA needs to learn early signs he is struggling in order to prevent things escalating.

I would also think of looking at other schools, my daughter's needs were not met at her primary school (MS with resource unit) and our relationship and trust in the school fell apart.

There is no harm in looking at other schools now just to be prepared for the future. You may find somewhere he will thrive. Good luck for the meeting.

They want you to what..punish a little boy at home for their lack of ability to provide and manage properly his stress points whilst in their care? Unbelievable ONH

And quite frankly Gin what with the potentially dangerous individual comment you aught to be ashamed.

Goodluck for tomorrow op!

I think Gin is getting a bit of a hard time here. A 5 year old isn't dangerous to adults, but if lashing out, could hurt another 5 year old quite easily. Given he hasn't got a diagnosis as yet, the school have an especially difficult job balancing his needs, and the needs of the rest of the children.

It sounds like a tricky situation.

Thanks Hands, it was awful. He is now thriving though. A depressingly large number of the parents I see deregistering their children are doing so due to additional needs and being completely failed by the schools.

Gin isn't being given a hard time. Gin is being disagreed with on an internet forum for gratuitously cruel comments made to the OP. It is the OP and her son having the hard time.

Sorry but a 5 year old can be dangerous...just today at work I have been hit, kicked, scratched, bit and had a shoe and a chair thrown at me all by a 5 year old boy