To be absolutely furious with DS's school?

[ONHmum1]

As a back story my 5yo DS is visually impaired, attends a mainstream school with on sight provisions for various disabilities/learning difficulties. He is currently on a waiting following a referral to CAMHS for an autism diagnosis. No diagnosis yet but 99% likely he is on the spectrum.

So as of lately DS hasn't been coping very well at school, hitting out, spitting, shouting, self harming etc. The same happened last year and we put it down to the changes in school this time of year, routine has gone down the pan, room changes with decorations, practicing for nativity etc etc. Day after day I have had negative comments in his home/school book to a point I have dreaded him coming home to read what he has done. They brought in a sticker chart for him to try and work towards, have been punishing him with loss of break times and dinner times until last week when I had a phone all home from his class teacher.

She began by asking me to start punishing my son at home so that it was backed up from school, then began to explain that the next form of punishment would be exclusion from the school!!

Am I being unreasonable to be furious that they are punishing my DS for their lack of knowledge/understanding/help they are giving him to be able to manage better, rather than just punishing him???

What bothers me most is we lost an absolutely amazing LSA at the end of reception when she decided to leave for another school, she worked alongside my DS's current 1-1 support and trained her up as she had no previous experience in visual impairment or SEN at all, everything the LSA had taught her seems to have vanished!
Thankfully I have kept in touch with LSA and had a long phone call with her and even she was disgusted.
DS does not understand charts, he doesn't understand that he has lost his dinner time because he had a meltdown at 9.30am because somebody touched him. He needs positive reinforcement which doesn't appear to be happening, he has 1-1 with a completely inexperienced TA, a school which prides itself on its SEN provisions and quotes on their website:

"At (removed name) Primary School we recognise that all pupils are entitled to a quality of provision that will enable them to achieve their potential. We believe in positive intervention, removing barriers to learning, raising expectations and levels of achievement and working in partnership with other agencies in order to provide a positive educational experience for all our pupils including those with a special educational need or disability."

Is failing my son!
I was beyond upset after the phone call but now I am furious. I have a meeting tomorrow straight after school with his teacher, TA, someone from the VI team, SEN coordinator and the headteacher and Im struggling to see how I'm going to keep my cool!!

So sorry for the long post!

What the fuck is the 'special nt children can't get hurt' all about?? Our nt kids have the right to a safe and violence free learning environment thank you very much. I have sympathy with special needs, but that doesn't give you the right to violate other children and the sooner certain parents (note not all) realise that, the more likely ther children are to receive some form of education.

amy85: I can see where you're coming from. No-one goes to work for that

In response to the op if your son is behaving like that they will want to exclude him. I'm sorry I know it can't be easy but they have to do what's best for everyone xxx

trifle yes you're right, sorry I was a bit misleading. What i meant was that a school cannot exclude a child for SEN/additional needs without, as you say, exhausting every possible method of adequate support. It doesn't sound like OP's school is doing that.

I don't think anyone's disputing that a 5yo can show disruptive/dangerous behaviour. But fgs even with zero experience of SEN or how the whole system works, anyone with any common sense or experience of children (eg a teacher!) should look at why the behaviour is happening, and ways of helping him. This school's attitude is appalling. this is a 5yo child!

OP are you looking at other schools? If ds has an EHCP you have the right to request another school of your choice. In the long term it's got to be better.

So his EHCP only covers the VI aspect, not anything else? When is his review coming up?

What the fuck is the 'special nt children can't get hurt' all about?? Our nt kids have the right to a safe and violence free learning environment thank you very much. I have sympathy with special needs, but that doesn't give you the right to violate other children and the sooner certain parents (note not all) realise that, the more likely ther children are to receive some form of education.

Yes of course all kids have that right. But the fact that isn't happening is the fault of the school - they are letting OP's ds down along with all the other kids in the class.

Ummmmmgogo no, you are wrong. The school has a duty to accommodate disabled children and make reasonable adjustment. School isn't about "the greatest good for the greatest number." Your posts drop of ignorance.

And Ummmgogo, is that really your solution? Exclude, rather than accommodate? Shameful.

My post doesn't drip of ignorance at all! Yes the school have a duty to provide for ops son, but as has been explained many times on the thread, if they can't manage him, they will exclude him most likely.

Yes that's my solution. At the moment ops son plus 29 others are distressed. Ops son can find a more appropriate place and the others won't be distressed witnessing his behaviour.

Or should the everyone including the ops son have to continue to suffer because mumsnet says so??

Ginincident isn't getting a hard time. Her post is so full of disgusting ignorance it's unreal. Schools are meant to accommodate need not diagnosis. Diagnoses can take months to sort, it's not like taking a temperature. And even then why the fuck shouldn't this child be properly cared for and accommodated in his school? Special schools are not always the answer.

No, the school should stop failing this child, meet his needs, and get on with it.

They'll want to exclude him because it's too much like hard work to meet his needs. Fucking disgraceful.

To give a different side:

My DS (6) is in a special school as he has ASD. He's quite a placid little boy and this year has been moved up with the 8/9 year olds as he's made a lot of progress. Another boy has been moved into this class from a different special school - this boy lashed out at my DS because he was upset and kicked my DS full force in the testicles. DS was hysterical and the whole area went black with bruises.

Was I happy? No - he's my little boy and I don't want him upset?
Did I insist this child was excluded or suspended? Of course not as I understand how explosive autism can be and that I'm lucky my DS is placid. I asked the school to tighten up their strategies and nothing further has happened.

OP - I'm sorry your DS is experiencing this. 'Best' question I've been asked about autism - 'is he like a normal three year old but naughtier?' (by a recently retired teacher).

Porridgemagic: I certainly wouldn't look at a little boy with SN and think a 'special school' is any sort of default option. He needs support and he needs the right support. BUT it is unrealistic to imagine that a mainstream school can ignore the impact on other children and staff if a child is not coping. Once they have tried all reasonable strategies for a period of time it is not wrong for them to say they cannot manage the child or meet his needs. It is just reality.

ops son can find a more appropriate place

Ye coz that is so easy isn't it

Judging by the OP they're absolutely not trying all things reasonable. Punishing a child at lunchtime for something that happened hours before, is pointless. A visual chart for a VI child? Equally pointless. They're setting him up to fail.

The ops son has been suffering for 4 months with their 'accommodating' and so has the rest of his class. Whether you find it disgraceful or not, all these children need an education, and so far from the description by the op, it doesn't really seem like the school know what to do to enable him to learn better.

Most parents wouldn't want their child somewhere that they were being discriminated against, and if this is what the school is doing, I repeat, he shouldn't have to stay there to make mumsnet feel better.

Porridgemagic: I'm not advocating their methods. I don't know what else they have tried. If punishment is genuinely the last resort and still isn't working, and they have tried other strategies including 1:1 support and it still isn't working, it is reasonable to question what else they can do.

The school have been making a fuckup of the accommodations though, so why should they be let off the hook, when they could do a better job of it? That way the little boy and the rest of the class can get along with things. The common denominator was the loss of the great LSA. Why should the child suffer as a result, and then have to move school?

BEcause if he can't only cope in school when one particular staff member is their he is in a very vulnerable position as is now coming to light????? This is the ops child! Doesn't he deserve better than this???

Of course he does. The school is letting him down terribly and need to fix it. The onus shouldn't be on the parents to remove him and put him somewhere (where???) else!

Porridgemagic: Arguably. I'm sure they will see it differently. Perhaps the OP can update us after her meeting.

Have a look at the DfE's School Exclusions Guidance, especially paragraph 18 which says:

"Early intervention to address underlying causes of disruptive behaviour should include an assessment of whether appropriate provision is in place to support any SEN or disability that a pupil may have. Head teachers should also consider the use of a multi-agency assessment for pupils who demonstrate persistent disruptive behaviour. Such assessments may pick up unidentified special educational needs but the scope of the assessment could go further, for example, by seeking to identify mental health or family problems"

Remind the school that they can't contemplate excluding your son unless and until they have complied with this. Ask them to take urgent steps to get advice from an educational psychologist and/or the autism advisory service on strategies to support your son - as pointed out upthread, they don't need to wait for a diagnosis to comply with their legal duty to meet his needs. Also ask for an early annual review to get the EHCP amended. They should probably also be getting speech and language and occupational therapy assessments.

It's nonsense to say that just because the school isn't managing OP's son he should be excluded. Frankly, any fool can see that punishing a child with strong autistic straits is going to be completely counter-productive, especially when they punish him some time after whatever offence he is supposed to have committed. OP's son's behaviour may well be caused by major stress caused by sensory difficulties, and therefore may be addressed by something relatively straightforward like seating him away from other children, allowing him to leave the room to go somewhere quiet, taking sensory breaks and the like. But the school will never find out unless it takes the trouble to get advice and actually implements it.

Sorry, forgot to give the link to the Exclusions guidance - it's www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/269681/Exclusion_from_maintained_schools__academies_and_pupil_referral_units.pdf

Good luck with your meeting tomorrow OP. Haven't read the whole thread but am astonished that the school's way of coping with your son is by punishment and as if that wasn't bad enough, they want you to punish him at home. I think that's really worrying tbh - it sounds spiteful and I would be very concerned about this.

It might have already been suggested but have you thought of complaining to the chair of governors? As others have said, it sounds like the school are trying to refuse his place at the school. I do get that with 30 kids, it's difficult but that doesn't excuse that they are punishing your son, that is totally unacceptable and demonstrates that they have no understanding of his needs.

I don't know how you feel about special schools. The thing is the government closed most of them on the basis of "inclusion" which sounded positive but really it was about saving money. Maybe it's worth looking into this - I think it's the ed psych that makes the recommendation.