To be absolutely furious with DS's school?

[ONHmum1]

As a back story my 5yo DS is visually impaired, attends a mainstream school with on sight provisions for various disabilities/learning difficulties. He is currently on a waiting following a referral to CAMHS for an autism diagnosis. No diagnosis yet but 99% likely he is on the spectrum.

So as of lately DS hasn't been coping very well at school, hitting out, spitting, shouting, self harming etc. The same happened last year and we put it down to the changes in school this time of year, routine has gone down the pan, room changes with decorations, practicing for nativity etc etc. Day after day I have had negative comments in his home/school book to a point I have dreaded him coming home to read what he has done. They brought in a sticker chart for him to try and work towards, have been punishing him with loss of break times and dinner times until last week when I had a phone all home from his class teacher.

She began by asking me to start punishing my son at home so that it was backed up from school, then began to explain that the next form of punishment would be exclusion from the school!!

Am I being unreasonable to be furious that they are punishing my DS for their lack of knowledge/understanding/help they are giving him to be able to manage better, rather than just punishing him???

What bothers me most is we lost an absolutely amazing LSA at the end of reception when she decided to leave for another school, she worked alongside my DS's current 1-1 support and trained her up as she had no previous experience in visual impairment or SEN at all, everything the LSA had taught her seems to have vanished!
Thankfully I have kept in touch with LSA and had a long phone call with her and even she was disgusted.
DS does not understand charts, he doesn't understand that he has lost his dinner time because he had a meltdown at 9.30am because somebody touched him. He needs positive reinforcement which doesn't appear to be happening, he has 1-1 with a completely inexperienced TA, a school which prides itself on its SEN provisions and quotes on their website:

"At (removed name) Primary School we recognise that all pupils are entitled to a quality of provision that will enable them to achieve their potential. We believe in positive intervention, removing barriers to learning, raising expectations and levels of achievement and working in partnership with other agencies in order to provide a positive educational experience for all our pupils including those with a special educational need or disability."

Is failing my son!
I was beyond upset after the phone call but now I am furious. I have a meeting tomorrow straight after school with his teacher, TA, someone from the VI team, SEN coordinator and the headteacher and Im struggling to see how I'm going to keep my cool!!

So sorry for the long post!

Do you have an EHCP? I would be making steps to obtain one myself through the local authority unless the school will apply for one? Start collecting evidence of everything to put forward for one.
Once you have this it will be so much harder for the school to threaten you with exclusion as things will be put in place then

Sadly in my experience this is normal in schools,my ds now 17 with autism, was expelled from mainstream with no statement,then got a statement and STILL had to leave two special schools...we home educated for a long while...basically I found the schools do exactly as they please and the heads are a law un to themselves...but I'm sure (I hope) there are people with happier tails to tell.good luck xx

I wouldn't say any 5yo is potentially dangerous what an obscured view of a child that displays sen

Tale not tail,sorry

"Today 17:53 Norahy

I know you removed the name of the school but google that phrase and it brings up the school website.

You may want to get that bit redacted."

As over thirty schools (I counted) use the exact same phrase, I think the OP is safe.

Could you ask for some Outreach intervention from a local special school? They should be able to visit and advise the TA and teacher how to help your DS.

This school is failing your child.

It is quite appalling that they are asking that punishments for "misdemeanors" in school should spill over into home - the one place where he must feel safe.

Punishment is not the way forward with a child with his problems. Proper assessment and proper action plans are the way forward.

Does he have an IEP?
Is he on the SA+ plan?
Does he have any 1-1 support, from someone suitably trained?

These should all be fundamental.

Turn it round on them - they need to be telling you what they are doing to ensure his inclusion. It is not his responsibility to change his behaviour if he is unable to, it is their responsibility to put in place effective support that enables him to access the education he is entitled to.

Tell them what strategies would work, and which they can put in place. If they cannot currently do this without additional resources (they already have ringfenced funds for this, iirc each child is allocated £6k), but if this is inadequate they need to be applying for an EHCP to provide them with funds to employ a TA for him.

You could, alternatively, apply for an EHCP yourself.

Also, depending on where you are, CAMHS may not be hugely useful wrt to diagnosing him - it is usual procedure to go through your GP who refers you to developmental Paediatrician/childrens services. But that may be different where you live.

It's not actually lawful for them to exclude him if they have not exhausted every single option for supporting him, in the ways you suggested eg quiet room, positive reinforcement etc. And shocking, frankly, that they would do this to a 5yo Especially given the time of year, when the frantic build up to Xmas can be a nightmare.

good luck with your meeting. Make notes beforehand of every point you want to say, make sure you say them all, and afterwards follow up with a recap of the meeting. If you don't get any clear action points at the time, make sure these are highlighted in your follow up notes.

Children with SEN can and do get excluded. IF all provisions are in place and are being adhered to that is. I'm assuming your DS has an EHCP which must specify strategies needed to support him? The school must adhere to this.

Your ds has visual impairment, and their response was to use a star reward chart? Wtf????

You are quite right to be furious.

Please,please take a supportive friend / someone from parent partnership/ nas in with you. Get everything in writing- prepare to take your own minutes or to record the meeting. They will give you a load of old flannel about offering support but you need a straight answer about the matter of exclusion.

Insist they explain how an exclusion will help to change the behaviour. If they wheel out the old chestnut that an exclusion will lead to further support, then it really won't.

Ask for and record all adjustments they are making- bring in a list and just keep coming back to what worked last year and what has changed now.

I've been in this unfortunate situation and it is awful. I was always polite but I made sure that I was a thorn in their side. We left for another school after they had pretty much destroyed ds.

You have my full sympathy

Gincident, how do you think the OP's son is going to get a place at a special school if he hasn't even got a diagnosis? And even with a diagnosis, given that places at special schools are expensive and as rare as hen's teeth, chances are they are going to want to try support in mainstream first.

"Remember he is not diagnosed as autistic yet. Until he is, he is just a troublesome boy who spits, shouts and assaults other people. The teachers owe it to the rest of the children in the school to either control or remove such a negative and potentially dangerous individual."

Ok So a child who has fallen over and broken his leg doesn't actually have a broken leg until he is seen in A & E? And no one in their senses could expect the school to be making plans with the possibility that he has a broken leg in mind, even if there are clear symptoms?

Gin he has a right to a mainstream education and the school have a duty to support him to enable this. Only when they have shown that they cannot adequately support him can they recommend that he is found a new school. They don't just get to leave him floundering then kick him out.

Gincident seriously? That's overly harsh and not empathetic.
You can't simply say he needs to go to a special school!
A mainstream school should be able to support a 5 yr old in the way they describe on their website. The OP has said that her consequences work but the school just aren't applying the same methods.

Im pretty sure that hitting out, spitting and having meltdowns is pretty common for NT children who are 5; using those examples as a reason to exclude the OP's aren't valid and the school are failing the family big time.

*If the school aren't able to deal with him or control his behaviour, surely their thoughts about excluded him are perfectly warranted. He needs to go to a "special" school where the staff are more able to deal with him.

Remember he is not diagnosed as autistic yet. Until he is, he is just a troublesome boy who spits, shouts and assaults other people. The teachers owe it to the rest of the children in the school to either control or remove such a negative and potentially dangerous individual.

Get him diagnosed, and get him to a school where staff are trained to deal with him.*

Not true. Firstly, most children with SEN, including autism, are educated in mainstream schools (and this is becoming increasingly so given the reduced funding for special schools).
Secondly, schools are given budgets for children with additional needs, whether or not they have any diagnosis. If the existing budget cannot meet needs, schools can apply for an EHCP so the LA provides more funding.

The answer is not to simply shove any 'difficult' children into a special school. Parents have the right for their child to be educated where they want, and many parents would prefer their child to be in mainstream. Just with the right support.

The problem is that some schools are simply shit at providing this support, or are unwilling to bother. And that not all teachers get decent training for SEN children, or don't bother trying.

And it's not the school's job to "control" a child, it is their job to educate and ensure that every single child is given the right support to enable that education to take place.

Can you take a friend or your DH with you to the meeting? They could be there 'to take notes' but actually they could be a witness for you, someone who will be on your side. It might stop them saying anything too outrageous or discriminatory, because they won't be able to deny it later if someone else heard it too. The notes taking and witness should stop them saying they will commit to a course of action and then going back on it later, and saying they said no such thing.

Contact action for blind people and see if they can offer any kind of advocacy and support. They are very good.

I would want to know why they don't feel the strategies you are suggesting are going to work. It isn't the case that they can't exclude him no matter what and it isn't the case that they are failing him IF they have tried everything to help, within reason. They may not be able to cope with a child with his needs. But I would definitely begin by getting them to explain the value of punishing him over strategies you believe to be effective at home.

Trifle but how would they know what his needs are if they've not asessed them properly and without a diagnosis?
They legally cannot just simply threaten exclusion.

Gin - I think you are getting at rough time here.

Verbena37: At the moment because he has no diagnosis, his position is weaker than if he did have it. The school can say they have met his needs given the information they do have. Obviously I have no idea if this is the case, but the fact that he is in an assessment process won't prevent them saying they have tried everything within reason and it isn't working.

As someone else said, they are trying to punish his disability out of him. They need to be proactive, putting in place strategies to prevent unwanted behaviour, not reactive. Reactive will never work.

As an example, my DS is almost 4 and has ASD. Playtimes were hell on earth. Full meltdowns, fighting to stay inside, lashing out when his teachers tried to get him into his coat and out the door. Did they punish him? No, they looked for the trigger and fixed it. In his case it was as simple as making some laminated cards with numbers on that he could take outside to play with. He's obsessed with numbers and couldn't cope with being removed from a room covered in numbers to outside which didn't have any.

Punishing your DS by not letting him at break/lunch is really counterproductive for a child with ASD. Ask them not to do this.
Punishments need to br immediate and then everyone needs to move on. You could suggest

your DS writes/is scribed a letter of apology and the incident is then forgotten about.

Re meltdowns at 9 30, it sounds as I your son needs time outside the classroom so he is not over stimulated. Does he have a quiet workspace?

www.ipsea.org.uk/

www.ipsea.org.uk/contact/advice-and-support/advice-line

Yeah- a 5 year old, a 'dangerous individual'.

Btw- the school absolutely can make adjustments based on undiagnosed SEN. There's no reason not to, when you know damn well the problem is real.

Im taking DS's nan with me. Apart from me he spends most of his time with her/his dad and we have worked tirelessly over the years to find what does and doesnt work and she can verify that they carry over the same tactics when he spends his time there, also be support and a witness! Have been in touch with parent partnership however am waiting on a call back.

He does have an EHCP and am hoping it will be brought up tomorrow.

"The teachers owe it to the rest of the children in the school to either control or remove such a negative and potentially dangerous individual"

How dare you. The teachers owe it to my ds to allow him an environment where he can cope, can be educated effectively and where he can thrive. He has constant one to one every day, all day so is not a distraction, he struggles to socialise with his peers so is of no effect to them. He is more of a danger to himself than others. That statement was absolutely disgusting.

Thanks for the advice on documenting it all, i honestly hadnt even thought of that so i shall begin doing so!