ABIU to be mad at boyfriend for accepting this job

[Baybay16]

Hi
I have had an absolute shit say full of horrible people ( bus driver shouted and gave me the finger to give an idea ) so not sure if am just in a horrible mood

I got a new job in June full time my boyfriend was scraping full time hours with two jobs but always had a Tuesday off. I made sure I always had Tuesdays off. It's me and another girl on the make up counter she started on thursday she told me she could work a Wednesday and Friday. I said I am so sorry but is there anyway you can change the Friday to a Tuesday? She shuffled things around ( I think it was uni stuff ) and said she could so great!

I got a text from boyfriend today "been offered a full time job Monday to Friday , took it." I was happy at first but now mad that I made the girl change her days for my Tuesday. There's no way I can get a saturday Sunday off so we will never have a day off together .
I am frustrated that I am always so flexible and considering to him but seems he couldn't actually care less. He knew the hassle I went to to get a Tuesday off for him and I just feel annoyed that I will see him after 5.30 and that's all ( some nights I work til 9 too! )
AIBU

He said I just want him to feel shit about it and he wants me to change my days ( again .. and I can't!)

Well OP YABU

Needy much ?

I hate the phrase get a grip. It is so condescending.

Three years and loving together is a committee long term relationship in my book.

Living together is committed not committee!

It's not needy to want to see your life partner in daylight. It's normal!

My DH goes abroad and is totally non contactable at some points as he does weird shit like canoe up the fracking Amazon.

You actually need to learn to be less needy because if your relationship messes up at any point you will be totally fucked. I say this because my sister has just been widowed and she and he DH were inseparable that sounds beautiful doesn't it but the poor woman can literally not function as they had almost never had a day apart for 40 years.

I think you might just need to have the attitude that life will be hard for now (through Uni) but it will get better eventually.

DH and I met as students (different courses, different years) and during our first 5 years together we were only in the same place for 18 months of it. (concurrent 3rd year placements- one in a different country, then DH got a job elsewhere just as I moved back to do my final year). It was rough, but it was what we needed to do at the time.

Needy much ?

Oh FFS. It's hardly needy to want to spend one day a week with your partner. Are other posters here really not fussed about seeing your partner one day a week? If so, do you actually like him?

And why should the OP be satisfied just because OTHER women see their partners less? That makes literally no sense.

I'd be annoyed too, OP - if I'd juggled things around for him in the first place.

Time to take a step back and consider whether he is as committed as you are.

Oh dear, OP,. you had some nasty comments thrown at you! So many " I only see my husband 36 minutes a year and work 92 hours a week since I was 7 years old, you are such a needy dumb child. Get a grip". Yes, my life sucks, your should too.

You know what, it is your right to want to prioritise your relationship (good for you). It is your right to decide to work different hours and spend time with your boyfriend (I always have been more happy doing so. I am quite a miserable 9-5worker like a lot of bitter people on here too apparently ) . You are young and can afford to have time for each other, why not enjoy it (god forbid you enjoy your life, if you listen to some posters here).

Some posters have a point though, facing that kind of problem is part of adulthood. Now it is important you sit down with your boyfriend and listen to the reason he accepted this job. Does he hope there will be an opportunity for a pay rise later? Was he tired of the other job? Doing two different jobs was it more complicated than he thought? Or is he not so sure about Uni anymore and would like to start active life right now?

You can also try to figure out when you'll have time to see each other, and what kind of solution you could find.

It is important you check you are still both going in the same direction. Without getting mad, but you have a right to know.

And good for you standing up for that lady in the bus. She probably felt a lot better and I hope the bus driver hurt himself zipping his trousers, Karma is a bitch

There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending time together being a priority.
A lot of people get very defensive about this sort of thing, and maintain its perfectly normal not to see eachother, and not to have much fun together. Yes, you can have a relationship like that, and sometimes, for periods of time, life means you have no choice, but its not ideal.

I remember a few years ago, when excitedly planning a weekend away with my boyfriend, a much older former colleague saying that when I got older, I'd realise life wasn't like that, and basically saying my relationship was a bit silly, because we concentrated on eachother and having fun.

7 years later, we are happily married, and sitll having crazy weekends away, and he's still my priority. We are both in stressful demanding jobs, but he is still my priority, and we make sure that we spend time together. Lots of it, and its great.

I do think he should have spoken to you first, but I do think its a good idea for him to take this job. What you need to do, is try to find a job which is Monday-Friday too - much better than having a single random day off in the week. That way you can spend your weekends together. One day off sucks - the first evening you're tired from coming home from work, and the next evening you can't do a lot because you have work the next day.

At your age you should be prioritsing you. New experiences, meeting new people, etc.

You shouldnt be prioritising spending time with a mere boyfriend (not your husband or fiance) who makes decisions thinking of no one else but himself. You should be making all your decisions thinking of yourself first.

You are too young for this. There is more to life than working and spending time with a bf when you are so so young. Go out and life your life.

Yes, you can have a relationship like that, and sometimes, for periods of time, life means you have no choice, but its not ideal.

I think this is the point everyone is making though isn't it? Life has necessitated a change in working circumstances for him, which isn't ideal, but that's just the way it goes sometimes. It's temporary. That isn't me saying it's 'normal' not to see your DP.

PS He has his weekends off. Why dont you find a job that allows you to have weekends off or spend your Tuesdays doing things for YOU. Meeting people, new hobby, etc. instead of lamenting that you wont see him.

Enjoy your life rather than worry about him.

Everything, no it isn't. People are saying that she's silly, that its life, she should get used to it.

This isn't a case of him having no choice, but of priorities.
A family where the only job someone can get is antisocial hours, and that family will starve and/or be evicted is having no choice.

The final couple months of a degree, prioritising that, again, it has to be done.

This was a choice.

I could work far longer hours and probably earn more, but unless we desperately needed that, we'd prefer to spend more time together, because that's what we see as important in life.

A lot of people that don't spend a lot of time together could arrange life in another way, but spending time together isn't as much of a priority, so they don't. That's five, but it's Sven individuals choice.

Grr autocorrect

LTB no seriously, if this is causing you that much annoyance leave him and give him peace OR bring it up with the other girl on the makeup counter in casual conversation?

I am the manager so it was for me to sort out the girls hours.

I get what yous are meaning on the tax thing but the way it's worked out it does mean he will get less, this new job doesn't pay for breaks and he doesn't get Sunday pay which was time and a half.

I only meant the Facebook comment as somwone said it must be difficult to balance the two but he admits himself it's very easy.

Well. I am still in the 'everyone will see this differently' camp and I think it's clear you 100% feel you're in the right to be annoyed. I hope you get something sorted out, it's miserable to be miserable.

You've asked on Aibu and the vast majority of people are saying yes you are, yet you still keep coming up with reasons why you think you're not.

To be fair I'd be pissed off if my husband hadn't talked to me about it but one full time job must be easier/nicer than two part time ones. But ultimately I think yabu and are getting a dose of the realities of being a grown up.

I dont think she is BU.

I think the problem is much bigger than this one thing. I think this shouldnt be a factor. Going out of her way to ensure they have time to spend together when he doesnt. He now has weekends free to do as he wants and she doesnt.

And she is losing it over this, rather than thinking, stuff him, I'll do what I want.

She is putting way more weight on the seriousness of this relationship than he is. She arranges her life around being able to see him and he doenst even tell her what he is doing.

She needs to live her life and worry about herself and not consider him as he isnt considering her.

I bet YOU are the one doing the thinking in this relationship, and he is the one who acts on impulse. Am I right?

Well I was all set to say YABU but reading your further posts, I don't think you are.

Lots of posters are talking about their situation - just because some people (mainly older, with families it would appear) don't see their partner much, they seem to think you shouldn't either.

The difference is, you are young and still a student. You should be having fun! Students have to work a lot harder nowadays, with tuition fees and everything, I don't think it's too much to ask to have a day off a week where you get to see your boyfriend, go out or do whatever you want.

I agree that he should have discussed it with you.

I'm sorry, I got stuck on the fact he shouted at an old woman, made her cry and then gave you the finger when you commented.

That's a special kind of arsehole

Yeah, that was the busdriver that she mentioned in her first post not her partner.

Mittensonastring, I am sorry your sister has lost the love of her life after 40 years but maybe she had a pretty amazing 40 years and of course is now devastated. My mum was with my dad for over half a century and was utterly shaken when he died, but eventually she coped with life again and in her own way came to terms with his loss.

As long as a man is not making a woman unable to function etc I think having a life together and being really happy in each others company is great. It is not for me, I have plenty of time away from dh, and he from me, but for some it works. Please suggest some counselling like cruse bereavement care to her

seven re "You've asked on Aibu and the vast majority of people are saying yes you are, yet you still keep coming up with reasons why you think you're not."

Not sure the vast majority are. Lots at the start of the thread but that is often the way, almost all of the first to a thread disagree with the OP unless it is very much an open and shut case - or so I have noticed.

So are you saying you work 6 days and all of those are later and he does 6 earlier? I can see that's hard bit it obviously meant slot to him to get a full time job.

Why will Uni be worse? Even if you're working on too of Uni it must surely be an improvement on this

Fair point Italian