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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ABIU to be mad at boyfriend for accepting this job

152 replies

Baybay16 · 05/12/2016 18:48

Hi
I have had an absolute shit say full of horrible people ( bus driver shouted and gave me the finger to give an idea ) so not sure if am just in a horrible mood

I got a new job in June full time my boyfriend was scraping full time hours with two jobs but always had a Tuesday off. I made sure I always had Tuesdays off. It's me and another girl on the make up counter she started on thursday she told me she could work a Wednesday and Friday. I said I am so sorry but is there anyway you can change the Friday to a Tuesday? She shuffled things around ( I think it was uni stuff ) and said she could so great!

I got a text from boyfriend today "been offered a full time job Monday to Friday , took it." I was happy at first but now mad that I made the girl change her days for my Tuesday. There's no way I can get a saturday Sunday off so we will never have a day off together .
I am frustrated that I am always so flexible and considering to him but seems he couldn't actually care less. He knew the hassle I went to to get a Tuesday off for him and I just feel annoyed that I will see him after 5.30 and that's all ( some nights I work til 9 too! )
AIBU

He said I just want him to feel shit about it and he wants me to change my days ( again .. and I can't!)

OP posts:
Champagneformyrealfriends · 05/12/2016 20:39

Your department manager is taking the piss. Nobody should works every single late finish and I'm assuming cashing up too? Does everybody else work every late too?

TwentyCups · 05/12/2016 20:48

It's a bit shit that he didn't tell you.

But you shouldn't have objected even if he had. It's tough working two different jobs - two jobs to remember all the ins and outs of - even the very basic 'where is x kept'. You have to learn a job twice over and remember it all. Plus the constant balancing act of making sure shifts don't clash. Often you end up working with less than the 11 hours shift gap that you are entitled to. I don't blame your boyfriend for wanting one solid job instead of all this.

I know it's been pointed out by others as well, but you are far from the only people in this situation. You have to make the most of this situation. My DP works mostly 5-2am. I work mostly 10-7. My day off is Sunday. His day off is Monday. You will likely find the time you have together becomes more precious.

Try not to rage at him, you have had a bad day today, so I think this might have been the final straw iyswim.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 05/12/2016 20:52

Don't understand why you can't see him after work, that's how most uni students that work do it? I know I did - work a 12-12 shift in a pub, meet afterwards for drinks then back to mine. Until he started working 6-6 (pm to am) shifts of course!

I get you, it's annoying. But it's not worth getting wound up about. Of course you can still see each other after work unless you live really far apart and aren't allowed guests or something?

Original poster
Baybay16 · 05/12/2016 20:55

We have been together for three years and live together , we are very committed and serious
Our long term plans include just getting our degrees and going for jobs we have said we would move for best offer for either of us ,

I understand a lot of couples don't see eachother a lot but we don't have crazy social lives and spending time together is something we enjoy and look forward to. I like him so seeing him is nice and one of my priorities

I would look for another job but my pay is really good and I am saving a lot I don't think I'd be able to get this much elsewhere.

We have a joint account and we pay equal amounts for bills etc , I have offered to pay more and he pay less due to pay difference which he says he might finally take me up on

Thank you Italian for your input I really appreciate it x

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 05/12/2016 20:57

Oh pull yourself together. Do try not to act like such a child about it, it's for less than a year Hmm I think it's quite sad that he's obviously happy about it and you're being so negative! I appreciate we are not the norm but my DP is a contractor, I don't see him for several weeks at a time in the summer, literally he's home after I'm asleep and gone before I wake up, but I am well aware of the fact that there are more important things than wanting to have full days together. It's just the real world.. All that said, I hope you manage to have some date nights together during the week.

Original poster
Baybay16 · 05/12/2016 21:00

His two jobs work quite well together his first job is set days and his second job work around that very well it hasn't clashed since April . His second job is manning an information desk so being on Facebook haha

OP posts:
Original poster
Baybay16 · 05/12/2016 21:03

I'm just not sure why he would be happy about less money, more working hours. I'm sorry you don't see your husband a lot .

Its not for less than a year, once we go back to Uni we will be in a worse situation and see eachother even less than new set up ( something which we accept as nothing can be done )

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 05/12/2016 21:09

and yet he obviously is happy about it. Your partners support is very important and in a situation like this, your negativity might ruin the whole thing for him. The situation is not unworkable,just different.
Thanks. As much as I'd Like to see him more I can't say I am completely sorry about it. He's building his own business and working flat out now in the hope that by the time we want kids, he'll be able to back off a bit. We live in hope. I guess my point is that it might not be perfect riggg now but you're working towards something. You're doing the hard work now so that it's better in the future.
Further to that, I find it very difficult to believe you'll have no time to see each other if you are both at uni unless they are particularly committed in terms of time.

Original poster
Baybay16 · 05/12/2016 21:12

We will be working almost full time to support us while at uni .

He didn't realise he had met tax threshold when he took job and now has realised he will be worse off .. if he had spoke with me about it first then we could have maybe realised that

OP posts:
Beebeeeight · 05/12/2016 21:26

He's just not as into you as you are to him.

HeddaGarbled · 05/12/2016 21:28

I think you are right to be a bit pissed off. You went to a lot of effort to fit your hours around his but he hasn't shown the same consideration to you. Does he understand why you are annoyed?

I do think you need to be a bit more self protective here. You are bending and fitting your whole life around him but you aren't getting the same commitment back. Don't pay more into the joint expenses than he does. Build up some savings in your own name. You are so young and at the start of your career. Don't sacrifice your future and independence to a man who is careless with it.

And seriously, seriously, do not have children and give up your career and financial independence without the legal protection of marriage.

RavioliOnToast · 05/12/2016 21:31

I think that you just have to get over it really. I have 2 kids and I try and get my shifts at work on my dhs days off so we don't need childcare. I won't see my dh at all tomorrow or Wednesday cause I start at 8am tomorrow, and finish at 2.30pm on Wednesday, he doesn't finish until 9pm and I'll be in bed when he gets home. It won't always be like this. We have a really good relationship. Its just one of those things.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 05/12/2016 21:31

Really? I work full time but Monday to Friday. DH works 7 x 12 hours shifts on the bounce- 4 days then 3 nights - then 4 days off. We very rarely see each other for very long at weekends or even in the week. I think you are being quite unfair on your boyfriend. Use your annual leave to plan some Saturday treats.

haveacupoftea · 05/12/2016 21:36

If DF huffed with me about what shifts I work i'd kick him out the door. What controlling, childish shite.

FlopsyisaRabbit · 05/12/2016 21:53

He really wont be earning less now he has hit the tax threshold. You only pay tax on the bit earned above the limit, not on the whole amount.

malificent7 · 05/12/2016 21:57
Confused
ADishBestEatenCold · 06/12/2016 00:19

"Worked it out too and if he takes new job he will be financially less off due to tax so less money and less time to see each other"

You keep saying stuff like this.

"He didn't realise he had met tax threshold when he took job and now has realised he will be worse off"

But you are wrong. That's just not the way the tax system works. For example:

If he earns 11000 per annum (bang on tax threshold) he will take home £887.27 per month (paying no tax, and £29.40 NI/month).

If he earns 11500 per annum (for example) he will take home £915.60 per month (paying £8.33 tax/month, and £34.40 NI/month).

"I'm just not sure why he would be happy about less money, more working hours."

The only way this could be true is if the hourly rate for the full time job is less than the hourly rate for one or both of the part time jobs. But you haven't said that is the case. You claim he will take home less with the full time job, because that job takes him above the tax threshhold. Your calculations are wrong.

Italiangreyhound · 06/12/2016 01:48

Thanks you bay.

I must agree with Herds do not pay in more. See how things go. He is demonstrating less commitment to the relationship than you so don't suddenly start paying on more than him.

Good luck.

Italiangreyhound · 06/12/2016 01:50

If you have two jobs does the tax threshold thing still only apply on one job, do you pay full tax on the other (secondary) job? It has been a very long time since I had more than one job!

Italiangreyhound · 06/12/2016 01:51

Herds that should be HeddaGabbled!

OlennasWimple · 06/12/2016 01:58

OP - why was it your responsibility to get the new girl to change her hours around so that you could still have Tuesday off? Shouldn't that have been for your manager to sort out?

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 06/12/2016 08:16

I feel a bit uncomfortable with how condescending you are towards him tbh, saying one of his jobs is just Facebook and how if he'd talked to you, you'd have known more than him. It's not a mega surprise that he didn't want to talk to you about it, the more I think about it.

I also agree with a PP, if my DP decided to start huffing about what hours I reasonably worked within a FT job, I'd be PISSED.

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2016 08:22

I'm sorry, I got stuck on the fact he shouted at an old woman, made her cry and then gave you the finger when you commented.

That's a special kind of arsehole.😱

TheNaze73 · 06/12/2016 08:23

Get a bloody grip. YABVU

Who are you to dictate what he dies after only 3 years. If I was him, your attitude would annoy me

TheNaze73 · 06/12/2016 08:24

Does not dies. Bit OTT there Wink