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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ABIU to be mad at boyfriend for accepting this job

152 replies

Baybay16 · 05/12/2016 18:48

Hi
I have had an absolute shit say full of horrible people ( bus driver shouted and gave me the finger to give an idea ) so not sure if am just in a horrible mood

I got a new job in June full time my boyfriend was scraping full time hours with two jobs but always had a Tuesday off. I made sure I always had Tuesdays off. It's me and another girl on the make up counter she started on thursday she told me she could work a Wednesday and Friday. I said I am so sorry but is there anyway you can change the Friday to a Tuesday? She shuffled things around ( I think it was uni stuff ) and said she could so great!

I got a text from boyfriend today "been offered a full time job Monday to Friday , took it." I was happy at first but now mad that I made the girl change her days for my Tuesday. There's no way I can get a saturday Sunday off so we will never have a day off together .
I am frustrated that I am always so flexible and considering to him but seems he couldn't actually care less. He knew the hassle I went to to get a Tuesday off for him and I just feel annoyed that I will see him after 5.30 and that's all ( some nights I work til 9 too! )
AIBU

He said I just want him to feel shit about it and he wants me to change my days ( again .. and I can't!)

OP posts:
Champagneformyrealfriends · 05/12/2016 19:48

Don't you take it in turns with other counters? I know this is OT but that's very unfair. There must be other single manned counters-who covers all the early shifts? I'm not being rude - the opposite actually. I was a manager for years on a cosmetic counter and this wouldn't have happened even on the smaller ones. It sounds as if they're taking advantage tbh.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 05/12/2016 19:48

We had to move as the uni stopped doing the courses we did and turned into an engineering and mechanics one ( nowhere near what we want to do )

Were you enrolled on a course and they stopped running it? Or was this a course you intended to do and they stopped running it before you started?

The above is either here nor there, but I'm curious!

Sparklingbrook · 05/12/2016 19:48

Can Universities suddenly stop courses once you have started? Shock

MigsSlippers · 05/12/2016 19:49

I'm being slow. If you hadn't put your colleague out you'd have Wed and Fri off so any M-F job will give you this problem, whether you swapped days or not. It's a pain that your switch is "wasted", but it's a bit unreasonable to object to your boyfriend taking any job that involves working on Tues and Weds, surely?

McFarts · 05/12/2016 19:49

In your OP you said that you work til 5.30 and "some" nights til 9.30 now youre saying you work til 9.30 MOST nights, which is it?

YABU by the way, you sound like a right drama llama.

MnRumours · 05/12/2016 19:49

OP, honestly you'll be lucky if the two of you are still together by the time Uni resumes next year. Do the best for you right now, BF seems switched on to this.

LadyJaneMortificado · 05/12/2016 19:49

Try being a professional (by which I mean "profession" in the vocational original meaning of that work - ie. a surgeon, doctor, solicitor, barrister) and dating another professional. This can be ships that pass in the night big time - but for high value return in the sense of professional achievement, helping others, personal job satisfaction and income.

A job is more than just income for a lot of people and rarely a convenience option because your partner says so.

What do you think a neurosurgeon would say to someone whinging that he/she wasn't available for a date due to theatre schedules?

rjay123 · 05/12/2016 19:51

Stop trying to control his every move. Perhaps he wanted weekends off to spend time with his friends, who work the normal mon-fri pattern.

Here's an idea. Why don't you go get a M-F 9-5 job. Then you both get weekends off together.

Pluto30 · 05/12/2016 19:53

Uni + full-time or near full-time job + relationship = recipe for disaster.

The current situation is the reality of most adults. My husband and I both do shift work, so there are times we don't see each other at all for 24+ hours.

Original poster
Baybay16 · 05/12/2016 20:03

Our courses were called a 2+2 college course and it was a gateway to a uni course starting in third year the uni stopped offering this and it was transferred to another

I am the manager in the counter and my part time girl covers My days off my shifts are approved my store managers and they want to late covered constantly

All his friends are students NO ONE works a m-f pattern

OP posts:
Original poster
Baybay16 · 05/12/2016 20:05

If he was a neurosurgeon I think the circumstances and situation would be very different

OP posts:
Original poster
Baybay16 · 05/12/2016 20:07

Worked it out too and if he takes new job he will be financially less off due to tax so less money and less time to see eachother ... Great .

OP posts:
Littletabbyocelot · 05/12/2016 20:10

I'm kind of amazed that there's such a strong majority on this. I would not be at all impressed if my husband made a change to his working hours without discussion that meant we never had solid time together. We've chosen, together, to live hundreds of miles apart for great opportunities but spending quality time together is an important part of our relationship. It's not about being controlling or insecure but about wanting to spend time with them and wanting them to feel the same.

ilovesooty · 05/12/2016 20:16

I'm struggling to take this seriously. How old are you? What long term career plans do you have?

ilovesooty · 05/12/2016 20:17

He's not her husband though. There's no indication that they're even long term committed partners.

Italiangreyhound · 05/12/2016 20:18

baybay you are not being unreasonable, he should have discussed it.

It must be hard working and studying, most people here who are making comments may not be in your shoes. When I went to college I had my fees paid and a grant to live on.

I think your generation have it tough. You don't need us lot to tell us that he is being unreasonable or that you are not. Maybe just talk about together and work something out for the future, with better communication.

"Worked it out too and if he takes new job he will be financially less off due to tax so less money and less time to see eachother ."

If that is the case he certainly hasn't worked it out very well in relation to you.

All the best. XX

Italiangreyhound · 05/12/2016 20:20

Plus have noticed you are getting some right bitchy comments here. Please ignore he bitchey ones, some people are just dodging the washing up! (like me! Wink

Allthebestnamesareused · 05/12/2016 20:22

She isn't studying at the moment though. They are both just working. Hmm

BarbarianMum · 05/12/2016 20:22

I would not be at all impressed if my husband made a change to his working hours

I think it's a pretty good idea to get a ring on your finger before you start disadvantaging yourself job wise /financially for another person.

ohdofeckoffnowdear · 05/12/2016 20:23

You are being rather precious here op, be glad he has a job. Most couples I know have opposite jobs. That's just the way it is, well if you want to earn money. Me and my exh used to be ships passing in the night most weeks

stumblymonkey · 05/12/2016 20:25

Sorry OP...but I'm another 'welcome to the real world'.

I left this morning at 7am and will be home at 10pm. I will have a bath and then sleep and get up at 5am to go back to the office. DP is a personal trainer and works weekends.

Italiangreyhound · 05/12/2016 20:26

BarbarianMum

"I think it's a pretty good idea to get a ring on your finger before you start disadvantaging yourself job wise /financially for another person."

I might agree with the sentiment but I don't think all couples need to be married.

ohdofeckoffnowdear "Most couples I know have opposite jobs. ...Me and my exh used to be ships passing in the night most weeks" Doesn't sound like a recipe for a happy marriage to be ships in the night though.

Italiangreyhound · 05/12/2016 20:28

I think you won't get much sympathy here, OP you will just get how tough everyone else's life is! Does not mean you should have to put up with your boyfriend not communicating.

I think I will leave now this thread is a bit depressing.

I hope things work out for you.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/12/2016 20:29

I understand why you are pissed off. He got you to sort your day off (with a load of hassle) to a Tuesday, to fit in with his day off, and now he's taken a job that screws that up, without so much as a 'What do you think?' It's inconsiderate and makes it seem like he doesn't care about spending time with you. Especially given it's a couple of extra hours money a week & looks to be being eaten up by tax anyway.

Of course his CV isn't going to be super enhanced by this change.

Nor do you 'Have to do, what you have to do, to pay the mortgage'. You're young students.

...and yeah, working in a supermarket and sort g out your hours to suit your partners is JUST like a neurosurgeon refusing to do surgery 😂

If I were you, I'd be being a bit more careful to look out for my own best interest with things, because he seems to be doing as he pleases without thinking about how it impacts you. Watch you're not compromising too much and you're not paying more than your fair share of stuff and more importantly, that your location etc is the best place for your next course/degree etc.

Plus have a think about work. Are they treating you reasonably or would you be better to look elsewhere? Every weekend and most lates doesn't seem very good to me.

Sparklingbrook · 05/12/2016 20:31

How do we know there's no mortgage? Plus renting costs a fortune. Young students presumably have to pay to live somewhere....