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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is one type of prostitute 'better' than another?

170 replies

MelAncoly · 04/12/2016 19:29

Woman 1 - heroin addict, prostituing to feed her habit. Stands on street corners and will go with anyone that has the money.

Woman 2 - professional career, no drug habits or alcohol problems, doesn't even smoke. Simply wants extra money as she's saving to buy a house as she wants to get involved in property development. Her full time job doesn't pay enough to save for the kind of house she wants. She finds clients through an escourt agency.

Is there a difference between the two or are they both as bad as each other?

Also would you/have you ever considered it as a way of easy money?

OP posts:
Mindtrope · 04/12/2016 21:22

I think many prostitues are exploited and very vulnerable, but not all.
My SIL is a retired prostitute. Did the work for decades. She did not feel exploited. She charged a great deal of money, had a regular "stable" of men, including a couple of high court judges, peers and an accountant. The accountant helped her legitimise her earnings and she now owns a huge house in central London.
She loved her job, earned thousands a week for several decades.

HateMrTumble · 04/12/2016 21:25

The first is illegally soliciting on the street. The second will have higher class clients and more likely to choose who she spends time with. Also likely to be earning around £200/hr rather than £20..

And yes, it's great money, I wouldn't say 'easy' money though.

Also, your likely much safer independent than through an escorting agency!!!

TheoriginalLEM · 04/12/2016 21:27

vile thread

YelloDraw · 04/12/2016 21:29

feel there are a lot of jobs that fall under that tho, without being exploitation. I know someone who killed guinea pigs for a living sad horrifying but he wasn't being exploited

well your friend was at much lower risk of assault or rape than someone selling sex. And I think most people would rather kill a g pig than to have sex with someone for money

Justaboy · 04/12/2016 21:37

A business friend of mine is a user, if that be the right word of Escorts as he calls them. From what I gather he'd never go near the first one for fear of catching any STI's whereas number two is the one he would see and pay well for, seems he thinks nothing of £250 odd an hour!.

Also the first one isn't likely to be coerced by anyone other then the drug supplier its just a way to obtain money for drugs for her addiction:(

It also seems that there are very few English women doing sex work the majority are from Eastern Europe mainly from Romania and they have a very bad reputation for customer service often ripping off clients and doing what is called bait and switch that's advertising one girl and then another turns up! However most all other Europeans are what he describes as good providers many are like escort number 2 wanting to make a lot of money to either start a business or buy a flat or house to even to have independence from relying on a man anyway!

I've no hard for fast opinions on it either way he uses Escorts as he likes sex and doesn't want a relationship. Also sex work has been around for thousands of years It doesn't seem to be going away any-time soon, perhaps best that we implement controls like they do in Germany. Also a program for helping girl number one to break off her addiction if they don't already exist.

TotalNameChange · 04/12/2016 21:39

Purplebluebird

If some women want to sell their bodies that way, that's up to them. I think physiotherapists sell their body (hands!) and psychologists sell their brain... Why does sex need to be so different?

This was exactly my way of thinking when I was an 'escort' during my uni years. I justified it to myself with almost those exact words - labourers sell their bodies, massage therapists sell their bodies, etc. I also thought I was making a smart choice as I could pop out for a couple of hours every couple of weeks or so, do something that I felt was very easy, and come back hundreds of pounds richer, saving me from needing a demanding part time job that would get in the way of my studies.

In reality, and in hindsight, I was desperate for cash and while most of my punters were perfectly nice lonely older gentlemen, a handful of the experiences I had were really unpleasant. It has changed my view of men forever - any time I chat to a seemingly nice bloke at work or a retired older gentleman, I think "I wonder if he uses prostitutes", among other things... I also think it's ruined my sex drive and given me aversions to being touched intimately.

I only realised all these things years later. So even though I felt like I was an educated woman making an informed choice at the time, I had no idea what the future impact would be.

maggiethemagpie · 04/12/2016 21:53

I don't object to the view that sex should be mutually enjoyable klassy but to say non mutually enjoyable sex is rape is a step too far IMHO.

Bananabread123 · 04/12/2016 21:59

As others have said I'm uncomfortable with the 'better' and 'worse' terminology.

As for the heroin addict, I would feel very sorry for her and have a very low opinion of a man who exploited her.

As for the high-end escort, i wouldn't feel sorry of her, and wouldn't be nearly as judgmental of the men who chose to have sexual with her.

I think it's strange that many are viewing a man who uses a heroin addict who's clearly desperate as the same as a man who pays an escort who has made an active and free choice. I'm not saying that either man is virtuous, but to equate the two is as wrong as equating the women.

DailyCRAPMail · 04/12/2016 21:59

I really dissaprove of the sex trade so I guess I do 'judge' both women in the OPs example. I dissaprove of the punters but also of the prostitutes. I know my view is at odds with most MN'ers but I can't believe that it's that unusual in real life. There are just so many things wrong with the sex trade that anyone that does anything to perpetuate it is doing something wrong.

I would find it incredibly sad that someone would be a prostitute because they are addicted to heroin and I would find it incredibly sad that someone would be a prostitue to pay for a house deposit.

Im suprised so many posters are so OK with prostitution. I'd be devastated if, one of my DC became a prostitue, am I wrong in thinking a lot of posters on this thread wouldn't mind?

ReallyTired · 04/12/2016 22:24

"If some women want to sell their bodies that way, that's up to them. I think physiotherapists sell their body (hands!) and psychologists sell their brain... Why does sex need to be so different?"

No physiotherapists and psychologists both sell their skills. Both roles require intelligence and education. I would be happy for my daughter to di either of those jobs.

Prositution is degrading. The woman is not treated as fully human.

HateMrTumble · 04/12/2016 22:35

Reallytired.. do you have personal experience to back up that prostitution is degrading, and the woman is not treated as fully human?

maggiethemagpie · 04/12/2016 22:41

I'm sure there are some men who treat the woman as human, and some that don't.

Trouble with being a prostitute is you're never sure which one you're going to get.

YelloDraw · 04/12/2016 22:46

Trouble with being a prostitute is you're never sure which one you're going to get

They need an uber of the sex industry so they can see what ratings punters have been given...

JaneJeffer · 04/12/2016 22:57

I can understand the addict doing it because the overriding thought in her brain would be to get a fix but I don't know how otherwise someone can be intimate with any random man just for financial reasons.

AnyFucker · 04/12/2016 23:10

I think the "class" of any of the men that pay either of the women to ignore her revulsion of him is lower than a dog turd

Good luck with your article

FromAtoB · 04/12/2016 23:17

Sex uber! Brilliant, and terrifying.

Justaboy · 04/12/2016 23:19

You can expand that to cover any man here who will treat a woman badley or abuse her in a marriage or relationship.

BTW does anyone realise that there are male prostitutes for mainly other men but sometimes women too?

AnyFucker · 04/12/2016 23:59

Yes, Just. The number of women who use male prostitutes is vanishingly small. Most male prostitutes are used by other males.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2016 02:29

Any man who has sex with someone that they know wouldn't have sex with them were it not for money changing hands is a shit-nugget. That goes for street work, escorts and 'sugar daddies'. If you are having sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you, you're a terrible person.

BTW I've worked with people in sex work for decades through homeless jobs. I also have a couple of friends who've done sex work. I've never met a sex worker who has women as clients. I'm sure they exist, but talking about them when mainly coerced women are actually the ones in sex work is disingenuous at best.

By the way, if you are ever in any doubt about the true nature of sex work, let me tell you, I spent time reading the 'bad dates' file that the women kept to protect themselves from rapists and muggers. It was utterly soul-destroying and there were pages and pages of assaults, rapes and robberies. Lots of different men, all in my very lovely city.

BratFarrarsPony · 05/12/2016 07:46

Justaboy - the amount of women who use male escorts is miniscule. Don't be silly.

AnyFucker · 05/12/2016 07:47

They just can't resist the "w

AnyFucker · 05/12/2016 07:47

"Women do it too" shite, can they

BratFarrarsPony · 05/12/2016 07:52

no they really cant, can they? with the icing on the cake being their idea that we might not have 'realised' that....

BadKnee · 05/12/2016 07:59

Women have always sold sex. They judge other women for it - which is horrible.

They sleep with men for money, for security, for a big house, for marriage, for children, for promotion at work, for power. It has always been so and not to see that is naive.

Men will take advantage of that. They pay, in one way or another. They also bully and exploit. Sometimes the transaction doesn't work out and someone loses. Sometimes it does. Not every sexual coupling is just because both parties fancy the pants off each other, respect each other as people, love each other even.. but hey ho!

Mindtrope · 05/12/2016 07:59

*"If some women want to sell their bodies that way, that's up to them. I think physiotherapists sell their body (hands!) and psychologists sell their brain... Why does sex need to be so different?"
*

Because selling sex sells intimacy. A baker "sells" his hands to make bread, I can't equate that with the sex industry.

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