Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny gave DD a cold sore - furious. AIBU?

436 replies

firstimer30s · 04/12/2016 17:31

As the title said, nanny came to work with a cold sore. She said she is careful so like an idiot I didn't question it. DD (3 yrs old) developed a fever, sore throat and now a huge cold sore. I am so angry and I'm kicking myself. DD will now have this for life.
Nanny says she is sorry.
What would you do?

OP posts:
dowhatnow · 05/12/2016 10:27

Even with scrupulous hygiene a child is unpredictable and can accidently touch it without any warning. If she is a good trustworthy nanny, with generally good hygiene, you just need to put it down to one of those things. If she flagged it up to you in the first place, I'd assume she knew the risks and took basic precautions.

If you have concerns about her general hygiene normally, then that is another issue but presumably you didn't or you would have raised that concern previously with her.

I get them regularly and was scrupulous around my kids and the kids I taught, but I often had to jump back from them or twist around to try to avoid their hands on my face. It is so easy for kids to catch you unawares.

Even if you sent her home what would you say to your employer. "sorry I can't come to work as my nanny couldn't come to work because of a cold sore" - Where does the ridiculousness end?

Marynary · 05/12/2016 10:37

therefore it is not quote"quite easy to not pass it on if you are careful"

Okay, I should have said "quite easy to not pass on if you know what you are doing". Due to his job, my father was very aware of aseptic technique etc. Whilst nobody with a cold sore directly touched your baby, someone with a cold sore obviously did pass on the virus.

Olympiathequeen · 05/12/2016 11:12

It's extremely easy to catch as the open sore is shedding viruses. Good hygiene is vital but if it's avoidable do so.

You should have sent her home again or told her not to come in.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/12/2016 12:30

Those of you saying 'I grew up with a cold sore sufferer in my family and never got it' are not understanding how it works & are almost certainly carriers.

I have started with cold sores in the past decade - I strongly suspect I caught the virus from my mother in the 1970's but it's only become active now.

Likewise I have inmunity to chickenpox - so clearly contracted it and developed antibodies at some stage - but I never had any symptoms. Whether you have he disease or not depends a lot on your susceptibility. However, if you have shared a house with someone with regular cold sores for years you will almost certainly have herpes antibodies & could have cold sore outbreaks in future.

ExitPursuedBySantaSpartacus · 05/12/2016 13:52

Does Herpes give immunity to chicken pox? That must explain why I never caught it even when DD was covered! But she has since developed cold sores.

I remember having them so bad when I was at college that I had to drink through a straw. And being allowed off my one day a week in a school.

Adsss · 05/12/2016 15:59

Herpes is the family of viruses ( over 25 I think) The main ones are below - and no they do not have cross immunity. The below is a generalisation with the common names, so whilst HSV1 is commonly known as oral herpes and presents most as cold sores on the face it also can present amongst other places on genitals, eyes, central nervous system, in the throat, and on organs such as the liver.
Type 1- Oral Herpes (HSV-1)
Type 2- Genital Herpes (HSV-2)
Type 3- Chicken Pox and Shingles (HHV-3)
Type 4- Epstein Barr virus (EBV) Can cause Mononucleosis (The kissing disease)
Type 5- Cytomegalovirus (CMV) Can also cause Mononucleosis
Type 6 and 7- Roseolovirus (HHV-6a and HHV-6B and HHV-7)
Type 8- Kapasi’s Sarcoma (KSHV)

Notagainmun · 05/12/2016 16:04

I suffer from cold sores but never passed it on to the my DC. It is like any infection, you cannot be 100% sure where they got it.

lookatmeimsandradee · 05/12/2016 17:00

Maybe the op gave her lo the cold sore ... Just because you don't have one on your lip doesn't mean you can't pass it on, it's called asymptomatic shedding. It's why is so prevalent. My dh (possibly) gave my DD it when she was 3 I have never had one, dh has one now and we have been married 23 years. Some people suffer, some don't. But most people have it

kerrysparkes · 05/12/2016 17:32

Shallow girls who discount potential dates because of a virus make me queasy.

MsMommie · 05/12/2016 17:32

How do you know YOU didn't pass her a cold sore?
You don't. And no, she won't have a cold sore for life. She could have caught the virus a long time ago.
Get over it.

Cubtrouble · 05/12/2016 17:41

Well- I'll admit now I haven't read the full thread and will do so later but I would be absolutely devastated if this happened to my child. A family member had cold sores growing up and hygiene was and always is now scrupulous.

The virus is awful and I would personally hate to walk around with my mouth covered in scabs or see my kids with the same. I have encouraged my kids not to kiss other people goodbye.

Do are absolutely NOT unreasonable OP. I couldn't employee someone with cold sores to look after my kids

nichito · 05/12/2016 17:42

Don't think I've ever seen so much ignorance and misinformation in one thread. God almighty. This stuff is written in child-friendly language on leaflets at the GP and on basic public health sites, how the hell does it pass so many people by?

OP, YABU, for reasons mentioned multiple times hitherto.

Mumsy6216 · 05/12/2016 17:43

Buy some Zovirax.

JustJayne1959 · 05/12/2016 17:45

It isn't rare for a child under 12 to get a cold sore. My youngest (now 29) got one at about 12 months old and has had them regularly ever since. Some even turned to impetigo. She gets them when her immune system is low.

Sonjae · 05/12/2016 17:46

I cannot believe how utterly ridiculous this AIBU is! GET A GRIP you ridiculous woman. Ffs!

JustJayne1959 · 05/12/2016 17:47

Not the case. As many have said, we all carry the virus and even being in contact with someone who has chicken pox can cause a cold sore.

lotbyname · 05/12/2016 17:49

Both my parents had cold sores and weren't fussy about handwashing. Me, never. Its so prevalent that if they were able to get it then they would.

JustJayne1959 · 05/12/2016 17:50

Oh. My. God! You would actually not employ someone with a cold sore? Really?! I am lost for words!!

HumphreyCobblers · 05/12/2016 17:50

I think you get symptoms like that when you first acquire the virus BetrandRussell

Adsss · 05/12/2016 17:52

How many times... You probably do have the virus just not the symptom of the cold sores.... Please can someone else try and word it better as I am failing.

Catlady1976 · 05/12/2016 17:52

In my family I was the only one with cold sores. Now Dd1 got one 4 years ago so according to this thread she should be furious with me and I should accept I am a bad mother with poor hygiene. Dd3 was in the NICU at the time of her cold sore so she couldn't even visit her baby sister.
Thankfully she hasn't had one since and didn't suffer any other symptoms.

andypandy60 · 05/12/2016 17:52

No you're not overreacting at all, as a sufferer, I have sympathy, they affect me very badly, temperature badly swollen face and generally unwell!

JustJayne1959 · 05/12/2016 17:53

What a load of rubbish! I never had a cold sore until I was 20. I had chicken pox at 7 and again at 54. I still get cold sores when I'm run down. It is nothing to do with carrying or whatever else you said.

fridgepants · 05/12/2016 17:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Happyoutlook · 05/12/2016 17:53

Very unreasonable. Virus's and infection is a part of life. That what your immune system is for. deal with it. Expose you child to as much as you can so she builds a decent immune system. Keeping your kids in a sterile environment is so unkind

Swipe left for the next trending thread