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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
Blaze6 · 06/12/2016 04:29

If I was in this situation I'd have to try and find out somehow why I wasn't invited, but don't text her while she's in her honeymoon perhaps drop into conversation about how everyone at work said it was a lovely day and just leave it at that. If she deliberately left you out she sounds like she has been using you,

TheDowagerCuntess · 06/12/2016 04:34

No way would I ask. Or even mention the day to her.

I'd be withdrawing from the friendship.

NiceFalafels · 06/12/2016 05:42

I would just continue as normal but be a little quiet with her so that you can protect yourself a bit

FeralBeryl · 06/12/2016 06:28

Another one here who hopes thinks she's just assumed you're either coming anyway, or hadn't replied to her invite.

If you have to text her back, I'd just keep it light as in 'you're welcome, hope your day was nice, everyone said how lovely you looked'
You are leaving an opening then for her to say 'oh we were surprised you couldn't come'
If she doesn't, you have your unpleasant answer. She is a work colleague. No more, just someone who you are in the vicinity of during work hours.

Now start planning your Spring Barbecue and invite everyone but her Grin

SandyFeet177 · 06/12/2016 06:30

I'd have to ask her, especially if you consider her a friend.

Shakey15000 · 06/12/2016 06:49

But that text could also be read as " Thanks for the card! xxx" with a subtext of "and I'm sending it still in a friendly manner hoping you'll reply with You're Welcome And I'm Sorry I Didn't Reply Or Attend Due To xyz.

I really don't see where the "obviousness" of OP not being invited is in anything the OP has written.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/12/2016 07:31

Look it seems like she had so much opportunity to invite her, they work together, she was handing out invites personally, not relying on the post. Plenty of opportunity to give op her invite. Or ask her if she is coming.

Mountainhighchair · 06/12/2016 07:40

Of course she hasn't invited her, what weirdo would send out invites and then not ever say anything along the lines of "oh by the way did you get your invite" or "are you coming?" to someone you see at work every day? Come off it.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/12/2016 07:53

When she returns next week, be distant and just professional. If she approaches you about the wedding, say oh my invite must have got lost in the post then! No more! Just deal with her as just a colleague and not a friend. Just be on a professional level, that's it!

minifingerz · 06/12/2016 08:31

Hmm, I'd be tempted to say to her 'this is really awkward but I've been worrying that I wasn't invited to your wedding because I've upset you without realising; or you did invite me but the invite went astray and now you think I'm really rude for not coming. Either way I wouldn't want there to be bad feeling between us over this as we have to work together" and wait to see what she says...

NancyDonahue · 06/12/2016 09:09

I wouldn't say anything. If she had invited you she had daily opportunities to follow up to see if you were going.

She has issues which are entirely her problem.

Forget it and forget her, apart from in a work capacity.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 06/12/2016 09:11

No, don't say anything. If she had sent an invite she would have chased up the rsvp. The invite didn't get lost, the OP didn't get invited.

It's not the OP's job to go round chasing the bride begging for answers. Just cool the friendship and be professional, nothing else.

And if she offers to show you the pictures, you're busy.

roundaboutthetown · 06/12/2016 10:15

Mountainhighchair - it is hard to decide what is more weird: remaining silent when the invitation you sent out is not responded to; or deliberately inviting an entire workplace-worth of people with the exception of your friend and close work colleague and a few people you have never met.

Phoebebe · 06/12/2016 10:37

Oh god, I would have to know.

The only thing that makes sense is that your single status is some sort of threat. I've found it astonishing how many people have dropped me for that reason since exh & I split Shock

Rachel0Greep · 06/12/2016 11:05

That's really weird of her. I would, as others have advised, remain coolly professional, surface friendly, and not put myself out in any way again. It's not even so much about the wedding itself, IMO, it's the bad manners and mean-spirited approach of asking everyone bar one person. Pretty sh1tty thing to do. I would never see that person in the same light again.

It happened to a friend of mine years ago. Someone getting married within a circle of friends / colleagues invited everyone except her. To this day, I don't know why. When it was mentioned to the bride by a well-meaning friend, she said to the uninvited person 'oh come anyway'... As if anyone would. Well I certainly wouldn't anyway.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/12/2016 11:39

perhaps she was friendly so she could as k you to work while she collected dresses etc. [cynical]

you know not to put yourself out for her now though.

areyoubeingserviced · 06/12/2016 11:55

I agree with Finola, say nothing. If it was a deliberate snub she will be happy that you were bothered by the fact that you were not invited.
If it was a mistake then she will approach you to explain.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 06/12/2016 12:50

Don't lower yourself by asking her. She obviously wanted to make a point, don't give her the satisfaction. And I'd be cooling off the friendship.

nick247 · 06/12/2016 16:00

Can you have a quiet word with another close colleague to check if anybody else in office has any issues with you,or to see if bride mentioned to anyone why she was excluding you. If she is the only one who has a problem with you it is probably her who is the problem.

Pandaponda · 06/12/2016 17:15

I also think this is not on/ completely weird. If it's deliberate it's very undermining and divisive. In terms of confronting her, how much of an issue is it going to be going forward? Do you have a lot to do with her at work? Sounds as if you might do? In which case you might want to find an opportunity to clear the air just so the issue of why doesn't drive you mad. Then if there was a misunderstanding you can clear it up. A "friend" of mine told me that she was engaged when we were having coffee with another friend who was clearly invited. I asked about save the date cards and it was obvious I hadn't been. They spent the rest of the time we were having coffee discussing a wedding I wasn't invited to. I blanked the wedding topic at every opportunity after that. I did eventually ask her about it and other things that had upset me and she got very flustered - I never got a real answer. Just the realisation that I had been mistaken to think we were better friends than we actually were. You sound like a much nicer person than this colleague OP and hope you have gained some comfort from overwhelming support for you here.

Pandaponda · 06/12/2016 18:10

Also I don't mean to suggest it's your responsibility to clear the air or resolve any misunderstandings. Your colleague had created this horrible sitch, not you. Just that if it works for your sanity to try and take control and get some answers then do.

TheDowagerCuntess · 06/12/2016 19:03

Absolutely, Housework

MindTheDrawings · 07/12/2016 07:08

I had the opposite to this scenario recently.

I was invited to an evening do, to someone I was not particularly close to. Probably about 6 of us, maybe less arrived and stood around like lemons as there was nowhere to sit.

It dawned on me later that I was either there to keep someone company (their dh was working at the venue) or there to provide another wedding card with gift. It was all very bizarre.

shrunkenhead · 07/12/2016 07:49

I would need to know as it would drive me insane! A former "friend"/colleague decided to "fall out" with me once and to this day I don't know why! (Despite attempts at adult discussions to get to the bottom of it)
Drove me mad at the time as was desperate for answers, I've figured it out now it was simply down to embarrassment (nothing I'd done but a stupid situation she'd got herself into and assumed I was judging her. .)

glitterazi · 07/12/2016 08:19

Not read all 9 pages (as I've got a school run to be getting on with!) but it's not like Monica from Friends, is it?!
"She's invited everyone, all my friends, family, not me. WHY?!"
Turns out on sneaking in as Ross' plus one it's not WHAT she's done, it's WHO....
Cue embarrassed looking ex boyfriend groom Grin