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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
maggiethemagpie · 05/12/2016 20:17

I bet she's aching for you to ask her so she can humiliate you further by making you feel bad for asking.

You'll never get the truth out of her so what's the point? If she wanted to explain things, she surely would have?

LaGattaNera · 05/12/2016 20:18

Don't most brides chase up invitees if they have not rsvp'd? Can't see how she would have invited you then assumed you hadn't bothered to reply. Sorry OP

NancyDonahue · 05/12/2016 20:18

It HAS to be jealousy. It's the only logical explanation, so I'm in the 'The op is too gorgeous and will upstage the bride' camp.

riceuten · 05/12/2016 20:20

Don't ask, nothing good could come from it.

niceglassofdrywhitewine · 05/12/2016 20:25

I just can't see work colleagues having the bottle/brass-neck, to ask her.

I am not defending the lack of invite for the OP, but if you'd been invited to a work colleague's wedding, had a nice time, would you really be asking her why x, wasn't invited?

But then I suppose that this is how bullying works, in that nobody wants to confront the bully. Though I can't work out whether bridezilla is a user, a bully, a sociopath or just has no sense of awareness. Confused

Ladybirdbookworm · 05/12/2016 20:25

I feel for you - It's a dirty trick as my Mother would say .
I like Confuugled suggestion but whatever you decide to do, hold your head up high even though the view is sometimes crap from the moral high ground !!!!! You sound lovely and I'm blatantly place marking hoping for a happy outcome (for you)
Remember the saying " All over like a wedding"
She's had her moment and it's all over and done with now - she's old news 😁

Patriciathestripper1 · 05/12/2016 20:26

Shock these are for you FlowersWine
Would follow what finola said. Great advice.

jennyfromtheblock1975 · 05/12/2016 20:43

What a mean bridezilla! When people as why you weren't there, I would say "I don't know! And is such a shame as I used to work with her husband and we all got along so well... perhaps she feels uncomfortable since I split up with my DP," and let them draw their own conclusions how jealous and insecure she is. (I really think this is the case OP, there's no other logical explanation!)

ICantFindAFreeNickName2 · 05/12/2016 20:51

Could it be that everyone else had partners and given your recent split felt it might be too much for you - not that I agree with it at all.

Shakey15000 · 05/12/2016 21:02

Are you absolutely sure you weren't invited? No chance the invite slipped down the side of the desk/got lost and she assumed you'd not bothered replying etc?

If you ARE 100% sure, then if it was me, I'd have to ask, to satisfy my curiosity.

Booboo66 · 05/12/2016 21:48

Place marking as dying to find out Grin

Aeroflotgirl · 05/12/2016 21:49

shaky, it's quite obvious she's not invited. Where was op invite, as she was handing them out in front of her. We're was the see you at the wedding when she thanked op for the card the day before. Sorry it's clear op was not meant to be invited. Nasty and cruel behaviour from a so called friend!

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 05/12/2016 21:52

You can't text her and ask because you will never get a true answer. She'll just make up some excuse.

What you have to do is drop the favours, the texts, the chats. Treat her as a colleague and nothing more, she doesn't deserve anything else.

Shakey15000 · 05/12/2016 22:07

Aeroflot I don't think it is quite clear. OP says that some invites were handed out in front of her. Given everything OP has said, the fact they texted outside of work, no other issues, no fall outs, nothing it would be extremely odd for her to be the only one not invited. That's why I suggested asking. What if the invite did get lost for whatever reason? What if bride is puzzled, gutted that OP (jn her eyes) didn't attend and worse, didn't let her know? There could be an AIBU "that one of my closest workmates didn't even respond to wedding invite?" with posters recommending she didn't ask why and just accept it must be because she isn't liked by her etc etc.

More believable if the bride had form for being a bitch, previous fall out, anything, but there's nada. Asking would clear the waters. And if it comes back "You weren't invited because xyz" then OP knows.

KirstyLaura · 05/12/2016 22:10

Did it not occur to you to wonder why you weren't invited, before the wedding happened? The weeks running up to it, when you were being friendly and texting etc? You sound a bit of a mug to me (in the nicest possible sense. I was surprised to read you say you don't consider yourself as nicey-nice?). Why send her a card/help out/text etc when she so obviously snubbed you?

I'm undecided about what to say next. You've already contradicted the dignified silence by texting her congratulations. It might seem a bit odd and confusing to now give radio silence.

Brighteyes27 · 05/12/2016 23:05

When I got married their were two people in my rather large office that I didn't want there. One was notorious for getting drunk and being really rude and offensive. She was my supervisor at the time and had caused me a lot of stress. The other was a much older bitter spinster who always moaning and bitching about everything and anything especially all office party's or any social gatherings. I couldn't really just not invite those two out of a big office so I only invited the people I really liked and that I was friendly with outside of work and I didn't invite half of the office so it didn't look to bad. I told those I had invited i had only invited roughly half the office and only really those I was friendly with outside of work due to numbers but really it was my day and I only wanted those I really liked there who I thought would be happy to celebrate with us. I thought these two would feel less snubbed but they did feel snubbed and both were very peeved about it, stopped speaking to me and moaned about not being invited constantly just within ear shot of me so I couldn't even explain who I had invited and who I hadn't etc. Are you sure you are the only one of the office team that hasn't been invited?

ridingsixwhitehorses · 05/12/2016 23:17

Don't ask. Asking before the wedding would have given her chance to pretend invite got lost. Nothing she can do now after the event.

Catwaving · 05/12/2016 23:28

I too think it's a bit strange you feel left out now, what about in all those weeks up to the wedding when you must have realised what was happening!.?

Why did you give her the card? Were you being a teensy bit passive-aggressive perhaps (wouldn't blame you)

twattymctwatterson · 06/12/2016 00:10

Brighteyes - spinster? Really?

twattymctwatterson · 06/12/2016 00:14

Op, she's horrible, really it appears this has been deliberate. I agree with PPs. Don't ask her why because you'll never get a satisfactory answer. Just be polite but cold and distant, no more out of work chatter or favours, don't even reply to her text. Be honest with colleagues if they ask about it. Watch your back with her professionally too - she's threatened by you.

CheerfulYank · 06/12/2016 00:48

Oh OP, I'm sorry. That must hurt. :(

Bimbop5 · 06/12/2016 02:35

Shakey15000 I was thinking the same thing you said. I think it's a mistake.

Brightredpencil · 06/12/2016 03:49

Presuming you haven't left out the part where you are a raging binge drinker who at any social opportunity gets plastered and removes all your clothes, then I can only assume this woman is jealous of you in some way and has deliberately left you out as some sort of revenge (in her head).

I would crank up the sympathy vote as much as possible with people at work. Try to appear really hurt, ensure you keep mentioning all the help you gave her and keep up with the mystified/daily mail sad face.

I agree regarding reading people and seeing their face so you must update on the 15th or soon after as to her reaction.

Now at least you can feel thankful you were spared forking out on new outfit, gift, taxi etc and having to make small talk with great aunt Mavis.

ChippyDucks · 06/12/2016 04:11

I'm another who's in the 'she sees you as a massive threat now you're single and can't possibly have her dh looking your way on her wedding day'. Suddenly becoming single does funny things to some people. You're seen as a 'safe' friend then all of a sudden you might whisk away their man in the blink of an eye. Apparently.
I've had this happen to me (although much more vocally from a good, longstanding friend) and I was hugely shocked and hurt that she thought I would want anything to do with her dp.
Rise above it, don't engage, and for goodness sake no more favours for her. It appears the lines in the sand have been drawn for the future anyway, so remain dignified and let her get on with it.

brasty · 06/12/2016 04:13

It is obviously deliberate. You have nothing to gain by confronting her. Being quietly dignified is the way to go here.
Act professional and surface friendly with her, but no more. When people ask why you were not there, just say you weren't invited. Honestly it makes her look bad, not you. Stop the favours and texts outside of work. You work together, nothing more.