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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel massively left out?

351 replies

Pritchyx · 04/12/2016 09:31

I work in the motor trade for a very busy dealership. There is 3 receptionists including myself. Anyway, yesterday one of my receptionist colleagues got married.
Every person in our dealership bar workshop technicians (she doesn't know them as they're separated from us) were invited. Except me.
I've got to work this morning and everybody is talking about how good it was etc. And people coming upto me asking why I wasn't there... I felt horrifically stupid for replying "I wasn't invited"... A few colleagues who have only been there a month, if that were also invited... I've worked with her for months and knew her prior to her working with me, but only in passing.

Aibu to feel really left out?

OP posts:
coocoocachew · 05/12/2016 18:37

I've decided that you must be bloody gorgeous and she went all bridezilla and didn't want to be upstaged by you. Being a bride does weird things to some people's heads... jealously is the only thing that makes sense...

PollytheDolly · 05/12/2016 18:40

Not nice on her part.

Ah, weddings! We are getting married and inviting no one. Runaway jobby...just us and the dog. So much simpler Smile

EZA15 · 05/12/2016 18:42

Shameless placemarking, but Flowers op,it was a pretty crappy thing of her to do to exclude you

myfavouritecolourispurple · 05/12/2016 18:50

Agree with Finola's post too. Professional and civil, and no more.

I wouldn't reply to the text at all. Unless you say something like "you're welcome, I was sorry to miss your big day, everyone at work says it was great". But frankly I wouldn't respond.

If you do, no more texts ever.

If she is secretly a jealous type as some other posters have suggested, you're well rid. Sorry about your relationship too - it's obviously a difficult time for you.

maggiethemagpie · 05/12/2016 18:50

I know the sensible thing to do is to not ask, but I'd be tempted to say
'So, a few people have asked me why I'm not coming to the wedding, what do you think I should tell them?'

Then again I always put my foot in it.

Yep it's crap. I've had similar thing happen with a friend's party but at least I didn't have to go into work and see them every day, that sucks.

WhatLizzyDid · 05/12/2016 18:50

I can't believe this was deliberate! Surely it's a horrible misunderstanding. Keep your head held high OP x

ChuckGravestones · 05/12/2016 18:52

OP, I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if this has been mentioned already, but did it occur to that you were invited but the invitation somehow went astray?

What, in-between them leaving the OP's colleague's hands and the OP receiving them?

monkeytree · 05/12/2016 18:54

Hi
I hope it is a misunderstanding. I had this happen to me and never did get to the bottom of it. I thought the woman getting married was a friend, I was very wrong. I'm just glad I found out when I did. Needless to say I don't maintain contact with this person any more. It really is a very unpleasant experience.

Mountainhighchair · 05/12/2016 18:56

Wow I wouldn't be able to not ask her tbh, why shouldn't she be called out on it?

SarfEast1cated · 05/12/2016 18:57

Are you fabulously attractive OP and likely to upstage the bride on 'her day'?
To be honest if she has deliberately left you out she is obviously really mean and not worth the brain power.
Leave it now, and don't contribute to the whip round either.

Mountainhighchair · 05/12/2016 19:00

It's not possible the invite went astray

maggiethemagpie · 05/12/2016 19:00

Yes, for god's sakes don't give a penny to the whip round!

Really feel for you OP.

hollieberrie · 05/12/2016 19:05

This is horrible. I am actually getting teary thinking about how mean it is...
If it was me i'd not only never speak to her again, i'd probably look for a new job too. I'm quite extreme in situations like this! Just so hurtful.

MadisonAvenue · 05/12/2016 19:05

This is horrible OP!
The only contact you should have with her now is on a professional basis.
Are any of your colleagues nosy enough to ask her why you weren't invited? They must be wondering why too?!

QwertyKeyboard · 05/12/2016 19:05

Did you know everyone was invited except you?
I can understand helping but not if you already knew everyone was invited.

Msqueen33 · 05/12/2016 19:06

That's really awful! I'd be very tempted to distance myself from her and only deal with her professionally. Maybe she forgot to send your invite and is now embarrassed to admit it. But I'm not sure I'd want to continue the friendship. It must be horrible with people mentioning it and I'd feel awful. What a horrible thing to do.

Botanicbaby · 05/12/2016 19:08

Totally agree with what finola said up thread.

Yanbu to feel left out OP. Horrible thing for her to do.

Please don't ask her why you weren't invited and just give honest answers if people ask why you weren't there.

She's no friend. Please don't stick up for her at work in future, stay safe and keep your distance.

(I wonder if her attitude changed when you became single after she knew about your recent split. Sadly some people do not treat you as the same person?)

niceglassofdrywhitewine · 05/12/2016 19:12

I wouldn't guarantee any of your colleagues will ask her. They will most likely be grateful or preening themselves that they are part of the 'in crowd' and assume that the bride has a good reason.

No-one will be wanting to challenge her (however gently) when she comes back to work still blissed out from wedding/honeymoon euphoria. Think about it, no matter how nobly meant, it would still appear as though you were questioning her judgement and potentially even saying to her that the shine was taken off it, thanks to OP's absence.

Most colleagues won't care or want to get involved.

Sympathies OP - I would feel similar and because I am such a drama queen would probably pull a Daily Mail sad face when people asked and be very curt with OP when she returned. Not suggesting you do you this either but actually I probably would bring it up with her at the next works' evening out.

Draylon · 05/12/2016 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 05/12/2016 19:30

I agree that telling people you weren't invited and don't know why is a good idea.

It'll certainly get back to her and if there was a misunderstanding she can clear it up then.

But I don't think there was. And your colleagues will start looking at her ina different light. I certainly would.

FatOldBag · 05/12/2016 19:41

It sounds like she doesn't like you. I think I'd just stop being nice to her, tolerate her at work and be professional but no more than that. Your only other option is to tackle it with her and say "I was really disappointed not to be invited, I thought we were friends" and leave it up to her if she wants to make up some excuse, but that is really awkward and honestly, what do you gain from that? It is crap though, I sympathise.

Enidblyton1 · 05/12/2016 19:43

Not sure if this is the right advice, but I would mention it to a few of your colleagues who you both know well - not the really new ones.
If it's all been a misunderstanding, the bride will feel awful and you can work it out.
If it was intentional, then others will see how awful she is.

Of course it's her decision who to invite to a wedding, but it's horrible to exclude one person and invite people she has only just met.

I honestly believe it must have been a mistake.

Jojofjo44 · 05/12/2016 19:55

I'd have asked her weeks ago and spit in her sandwiches.

MindTheDrawings · 05/12/2016 20:01

It's very puzzling why everyone, even newcomers, were invited except you.

How many people are we talking about from work? Are they all married/with partner?

It must be very difficult if you really are the only person not invited and due to the fact you work together even more so.

MrsNuckyThompson · 05/12/2016 20:11

I bet she thought she'd invited you and you just ignored the invite!!

I'd ask her.