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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude? What do I say back now? So cross.

126 replies

Rosae · 03/12/2016 19:41

Not aiming for a discussion on pierced ears. That's not what I'm cross about.

Moved house recently and been meeting lots of new mums lately. One (who I've known a week ) has messaged to say she's getting her nearly 2yr girl's ears pierced and would I like to come and get mine done too? I simply replied and said I was busy (I'm not, I just don't want to) but thanks for the invitation.

Now here's what I'm cross about. She said I should seriously think about it as it would stop my lo looking so much like a boy. Especially if I insist on dressing her like one! Is it me or is that really rude? It's true that I don't put her in pretty dresses like she seems to do with her little girl (from the only 2 meetings we've had). I tend to put her in leggings alot as they are comfy and she can move about in them and save the dresses for special days. But she wears alot of pink and flowers and stuff and doesn't look anything like a boy in my eyes!!

I haven't replied yet as I just don't know what to say. Everything coming to my mind is a rather rude bite-back...

OP posts:
WonderMike · 03/12/2016 19:42

Sounds like she's spoiling for a fight. Just ignore and move on.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 03/12/2016 19:43

It is very rude. But you don't need to say anything back. I wouldn't entertain such a ridiculous comment. Ignore.

Magicpaintbrush · 03/12/2016 19:45

That is incredibly rude of her. I'm not surprised you are offended!!! I would avoid this woman like the plague after this.

WhisperingLoudly · 03/12/2016 19:45

Ignore her.

Consider this an early warning - no need to invest anymore time with this one: you're clearly not going to get on Grin

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 03/12/2016 19:45

Where have you moved to? 1953?

Just ignore her. Anyone who thinks babies need to actively look like a boy or a girl is a bit of a tit. Anyone who thinks a solution to the "problem" is piercing a baby's ears is an idiot.

Besides? What's wrong with looking like a boy? Or indeed not looking like a boy?

NoCapes · 03/12/2016 19:45

Shock how fucking rude!!
I'd possibly just text back 'deleted' and have nothing to do with the bitch again

WellErrr · 03/12/2016 19:47

It's very rude.

I wouldn't reply. Ain't no one got time fo' that.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 03/12/2016 19:47

I think everyone needs to calm down.

Maybe she meant it meanly. Who gives a fuck? She's two years old, why does it bother you in the slightest? Just say no, it's not for you and forget about it.

Ballstowinplease · 03/12/2016 19:47

Really rude. Just dump her. I feel sorry for her poor kid.

Original poster
Rosae · 03/12/2016 19:48

She's just text again saying she'll change going to a different day if I like!

OP posts:
WellErrr · 03/12/2016 19:48

If I DID reply, it would be 'oh do fuck off.' That should get rid of her.

MarklahMarklah · 03/12/2016 19:48

She's rude.
I would just reply with "We're fine thanks" and leave it at that. Otherwise it'll turn into an exchange of sniping. I don't know why people feel it is so desperately important to know whether someone else's child (and I mean strangers, when you're out in public) is male or female. It is none of their business. If you want to dress your child in leggings that's fine. If you want to dress your child in a frilly dress, that is also fine.

GettingScaredNow · 03/12/2016 19:50

I rather suspect she feels her dd is boyish and is hoping the pierced ears will show her to be a girl.
So it's projection. And she doesn't want to feel guilty about doing it cos you will do it too.

I would either flat out ignore or reply with 'I'm not busy I just don't want to get my dad's ears pieced by personal preference'

Then keep your distance. She's gonna be hard work over the years

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 03/12/2016 19:51

Tell her it's ok because you've got your dd a Dolly Parton wig and pair of big fake boobs... so nobody will think she's a boy.

Bluntness100 · 03/12/2016 19:52

Hmmm, that's interesting, maybe she has some push back on it and wants to be able to say wel, other mums did it too. Some folks don't like pierced ears on young kids. So possibly she's trying to bully others into doing it too so she's not alone.

Just be honest and say you don't want to have her ears pierced yet but thanks again for the thought.

jelliebelly · 03/12/2016 19:52

Ignore the sniping and reply to latest text along the lines of "thanks but I have no desire to get dd ears pierced"

ConvincingLiar · 03/12/2016 19:52

I'd be pleased to have found out at an early stage that you don't think the same way and are unlikely to get on. I wouldn't reply apart from perhaps "no thanks".

I'm going to judge her for making holes in a toddler, but you're probably too reasonable OP.

HairyScaryMonster · 03/12/2016 19:56

Just say you're not interested in getting them done. You're quite happy with how dd looks and how you dress her.

DearMrDilkington · 03/12/2016 19:57

Just say no thanks and ignore her. I agree with a pp, she's trying to start an arguement so don't bite the bait.

PickAChew · 03/12/2016 19:57

I'd just reply "I don't want to get my DD's ears pierced."

End the conversation right there. If she's goes on about the looking like a boy, again, tell her that it's not something that you worry about.

onedayimightforget · 03/12/2016 19:58

She sounds awful. If you continue to be her friend after this I'd be prepared for continuous nasty comments about your child and the way you do things.

I would just reply honestly and say "I don't want to get her ears pierced but thank you for the offer".

ThoraGruntwhistle · 03/12/2016 19:58

'I'm not going to pierce her ears right now, I'm waiting til she's five to get an anchor tattooed on her arm.'

tallwivglasses · 03/12/2016 19:59

Rude. But I think I'd just find it funny. Each to their own and all that. Sometimes our friends exasperate us - but if we love them, we love them warts and all Smile

If you don't, detach. Life's too short. And I bet your dd looks great.

Sybys · 03/12/2016 19:59

Incredibly rude. I wouldn't reply and would just cut her out.

tallwivglasses · 03/12/2016 20:00

Ah - you've only known her for a week???

Run.