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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude? What do I say back now? So cross.

126 replies

Rosae · 03/12/2016 19:41

Not aiming for a discussion on pierced ears. That's not what I'm cross about.

Moved house recently and been meeting lots of new mums lately. One (who I've known a week ) has messaged to say she's getting her nearly 2yr girl's ears pierced and would I like to come and get mine done too? I simply replied and said I was busy (I'm not, I just don't want to) but thanks for the invitation.

Now here's what I'm cross about. She said I should seriously think about it as it would stop my lo looking so much like a boy. Especially if I insist on dressing her like one! Is it me or is that really rude? It's true that I don't put her in pretty dresses like she seems to do with her little girl (from the only 2 meetings we've had). I tend to put her in leggings alot as they are comfy and she can move about in them and save the dresses for special days. But she wears alot of pink and flowers and stuff and doesn't look anything like a boy in my eyes!!

I haven't replied yet as I just don't know what to say. Everything coming to my mind is a rather rude bite-back...

OP posts:
SantaPleaseBringMeEwanMcGregor · 03/12/2016 22:38

"I'm pretty sure my child will know she's a girl without being constantly branded as one from the time she's in diapers. She's a baby, they all look alike, she won't have a complex because someone thinks she's a boy baby!"

Diemfdie · 03/12/2016 22:53

I agree with the posts that say this is an indicator the friendship has a sellby date.

And with movingonup re what is wrong with looking 'like a boy'? Her looks are irrelevant. She sounds like she's going well.

If the friend had said: your child would look less french, you would have bypassed the anger button and skipped to 'meh'. Enjoy your baby and give her earlobes a BIG kiss!

Ohdearducks · 03/12/2016 22:58

Just say "don't put yourself out, I don't want to get her ears pierced. Really not bothered in the slightest that people may think she's a boy. Bye."
Then just don't make plans with her again, no one needs a frenemy!

Diemfdie · 03/12/2016 23:06

Good 'frenemy-spotting', odducks!

That text.

JustSpeakSense · 03/12/2016 23:06

Thank goodness you have had an early warning of what a bitch she is, before you wasted any more time on her!

Ohdearducks · 03/12/2016 23:07

Sorry missed the last two pages.
She sounds like bitch spoiling for a fight, time to block her, she's rude and a goady fucker. Boring.

Musicinthe00ssucks · 03/12/2016 23:09

Ignore her. You can't argue with the stupid and ignorant.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 03/12/2016 23:15

You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to.
Ignore.

She will soon find someone else to offend.

Shallishanti · 03/12/2016 23:19

you know what?
I bet there was a deal where if you bring another customer, you get half price
just don't engage, you've said no, no need for anything more

GabsAlot · 03/12/2016 23:34

just say yes looks like i am

bye

diddl · 04/12/2016 08:41

You're not doing what she wants & she has started to turn nasty.

I'd ignore now.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 04/12/2016 08:46

I'd have replied, "well if she looks like a boy then she'd only end up looking like a boy with pierced ears wouldn't she?"

MiscellaneousAssortment · 04/12/2016 08:58

Don't reply now, unless you really want a fight?

You've said no, and replied again, so there really is nothing else to say.

All sounds designed to be confrontational, and to drag you into some childish bitch fest drama, so refuse to play. You don't know what effect she'll have on making friends in the area so if you let her have this argument you could be setting yourself up for problems later on.

Ignore, move on, don't take the bait.

NavyandWhite · 04/12/2016 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NicknameUsed · 04/12/2016 09:18

Those of you suggesting that the OP is rude back mustn't have thought through the implications of pissing someone off so early when you have just moved to a new neighbourhood.

I think the OP's responses were spot on. I would be wary of this new "friend" and keep my distance. I would probably have tried to diffuse what might turn out to be an awkward situation with humour.

You can't chose the people you live near, so you might as well try to get on with them even if you don't like them. After all these are the parents you might be at the school gate with for the next few years.

NavyandWhite · 04/12/2016 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eddielizzard · 04/12/2016 09:40

really don't respond now. yes, you're 'one of those' Hmm and there is no way this woman is your friend. polite smile and wave. do not engage.

JerryFerry · 04/12/2016 09:40

Oh she is such a dick! Your responses have been perfect. I would not engage any further.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 04/12/2016 09:49

Don't reply to that last text. Just ignore. Do not get sacked into a text argument! Leave her wondering what you think.

TheGruffaloMother · 04/12/2016 10:00

I really wouldn't worry about being a bit rude back, new to the area or not. She's coming on strongly enough in such a short time (even offering to change her plans so your DDs can be punctured together) that I'd bet she isn't swimming in local friends.

I had someone similar latch on to me when I moved to my current place. I was so determined not to be rude that I was 'friends' with her for about a year out of politeness. I'd tried to detach myself painlessly but in the end, a bit of straight talking freed me. It's lovely...I can now leave home without dashing off the street as quickly as possible so that I'm not seen. Smile

WhatsGoingOnEh · 04/12/2016 10:05

You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to.

I love this. I'd never heard that before. :)

WhatsGoingOnEh · 04/12/2016 10:06

Just ignore her, OP. You've been perfectly nice. You don't need to reply any more. Especially as she sounds a bit rough.

MerylPeril · 04/12/2016 10:07

Sounds to me she's looking for justification for doing it to her own DD

if she's going to get it done she should just go herself. You should tell her you are not interested in getting your DDs done, doesn't sound like she will let it go

Original poster
Rosae · 04/12/2016 10:18

She seemed quite liked in the group we went to so I really don't want to annoy her yet till I find my feet here. So disappointed. She's pretty much the only person who has actually introduced herself since I got here. I woke up to a message '?' from her and still haven't replied cos I still don't know what to say.

OP posts:
dollyollymolly · 04/12/2016 10:21

Just ignore her. She clearly isn't aware that people have a choice/mind of their own.