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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude? What do I say back now? So cross.

126 replies

Rosae · 03/12/2016 19:41

Not aiming for a discussion on pierced ears. That's not what I'm cross about.

Moved house recently and been meeting lots of new mums lately. One (who I've known a week ) has messaged to say she's getting her nearly 2yr girl's ears pierced and would I like to come and get mine done too? I simply replied and said I was busy (I'm not, I just don't want to) but thanks for the invitation.

Now here's what I'm cross about. She said I should seriously think about it as it would stop my lo looking so much like a boy. Especially if I insist on dressing her like one! Is it me or is that really rude? It's true that I don't put her in pretty dresses like she seems to do with her little girl (from the only 2 meetings we've had). I tend to put her in leggings alot as they are comfy and she can move about in them and save the dresses for special days. But she wears alot of pink and flowers and stuff and doesn't look anything like a boy in my eyes!!

I haven't replied yet as I just don't know what to say. Everything coming to my mind is a rather rude bite-back...

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 03/12/2016 20:00

I'm waiting til she's five to get an anchor tattooed on her arm.'GrinGrin

Nocabbageinmyeye · 03/12/2016 20:01

Just say something like "No go ahead yourself I won't be getting it done at all regardless of the day, best you keep your opinions on my child to yourself too in future as i don't appreciate them"

OurBlanche · 03/12/2016 20:01

Text back:

No thanks. I don't want to get my son, oops, daughter's ears pierced!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 03/12/2016 20:02

Hahaha no say what Thora said 😂

leaveittothediva · 03/12/2016 20:03

Don't text her, next time you see her tell her straight that you found her comment rude and offensive. Leave it at that. She has very little emotional intelligence by the sounds of it.

Patriciathestripper1 · 03/12/2016 20:03

at least you now know who your mates are

QuiteLikely5 · 03/12/2016 20:05

I'm struggling to believe anyone would say that tbh.......

Farmmummy · 03/12/2016 20:06

Text back that MN chestnut "Did you mean to be so rude?"

burgundyandgoldleaves · 03/12/2016 20:08

Ha ha, I'd find it funny!

BratFarrarsPony · 03/12/2016 20:09

" Text back that MN chestnut "Did you mean to be so rude?" "

no, just no.

Just text back ,' no we are alright thanks '

LaContessaDiPlump · 03/12/2016 20:09

Here's a plausible lie:

"No thanks -honestly, DD fiddles with plasters/cuts/whatever and I'd rather not be worrying about her doing that with pierced ears. Don't want her to get them infected! Life is hectic enough already without that :D"

It's sort of half-true in that those are things to worry about, if not your actual reasons for declining Wink

I agree that I'd give her a wider berth from now on!

DailyCRAPMail · 03/12/2016 20:10

Really! Confused I think someone is being joshed.

KurriKurri · 03/12/2016 20:20

Don't lie or she'll keep pushing it. Just say 'I don't want my DD's ears pierced thank you.'

If you were feeling confrontational you could say 'you should seriously consider not getting your child's ears pierced to stop her looking like a poor little girl who's mother has inflicted pain on her for her own vicarious reasons'

But I guess she would think that would be rude and self righteous
whereas saying you should mutilate your child is fine apparently.

liletsthepink · 03/12/2016 20:23

If you really want to be confrontational say 'I don't like to see young children with pierced ears because it looks common' Smile

mydietstartsmonday · 03/12/2016 20:27

Just say - I don't believe is piercing young children's ears. But thank you for thinking of me. No drama but to the point.

Original poster
Rosae · 03/12/2016 20:30

Thanks for your answers. I've text back what I hope is a neutral 'no it's alright, don't change your plans for us! Hope you get something you are happy with.' I really don't know her yet so don't want to get into a discussion about it as I don't know how she'd react! I'm trying to give benefit of the doubt that she didn't mean to be insulting....

OP posts:
Imscarlet · 03/12/2016 20:32

She is looking for you to text back saying that you don't agree with it so she can preempt that conversation in the future and give you the whole spiel now.

I would either text something very vague back or not at all.

MissMogwi · 03/12/2016 20:33

Wow, what a cheeky bitch. I'd delete and block her, she sounds thick or nasty or maybe both.

lola111 · 03/12/2016 20:38

Message back that your DC is experimenting with gender fluidity ATM. Not really just ignore and mark her down as a fruit loop

LunaLoveg00d · 03/12/2016 20:39

You say nothing. Don't reply and cross her off your list of potential friends.

BobbieDog · 03/12/2016 20:39

My aunt bought my dd a dress with tights when she was very young as she said i always make her look like a boy with tops and leggings!

Cheeky bitch! I gave the dress to the charity shop

WorraLiberty · 03/12/2016 20:46

You've only known her a week?

Was there a particular reason you gave her your phone number?

youarenotkiddingme · 03/12/2016 20:47

Text back "really? well if she looks like a boy in pink flowery leggings she'll look like one in pink flowery leggings with pierced ears!"

I'd love to see what she's says to that!

LubiLooLoo · 03/12/2016 20:48

Also I don't know how I feel about putting holes in a child who is unable to consent to it, especially for vanity.

Sorry to any other mums who have done it, I understand that's just my opinion.

But kids are kids, who cares what gender they look like or what they where, they have a lifetime of all that gender bias crap when they are older, just let them do, wear and play with what ever they want or is comfortable.

YANBU. I would forget about her. Xxx

PirateFairy45 · 03/12/2016 20:50

She's rude. I'd tell her so, politely, and move on.