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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude? What do I say back now? So cross.

126 replies

Rosae · 03/12/2016 19:41

Not aiming for a discussion on pierced ears. That's not what I'm cross about.

Moved house recently and been meeting lots of new mums lately. One (who I've known a week ) has messaged to say she's getting her nearly 2yr girl's ears pierced and would I like to come and get mine done too? I simply replied and said I was busy (I'm not, I just don't want to) but thanks for the invitation.

Now here's what I'm cross about. She said I should seriously think about it as it would stop my lo looking so much like a boy. Especially if I insist on dressing her like one! Is it me or is that really rude? It's true that I don't put her in pretty dresses like she seems to do with her little girl (from the only 2 meetings we've had). I tend to put her in leggings alot as they are comfy and she can move about in them and save the dresses for special days. But she wears alot of pink and flowers and stuff and doesn't look anything like a boy in my eyes!!

I haven't replied yet as I just don't know what to say. Everything coming to my mind is a rather rude bite-back...

OP posts:
NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 03/12/2016 20:51

I can't believe someone would be so...forward? As to do that.

I'd keep my distance from here on out.

viques · 03/12/2016 20:52

Text her back and explain that you are bringing your child up to be gender neutral in case she wants to have her gender reassessed at a later date....... She will probably give you a wide berth.

Original poster
Rosae · 03/12/2016 20:59

Worra, it's on fb. I commented on the status of the group we met at. She obviously saw and messaged me. Invited me for coffee which I went for and she seemed ok. Til this. She's now text with lots of sad faces and 'go on'.

OP posts:
Benedikte2 · 03/12/2016 21:03

She sounds very needy OP along with being rather dense and not being able to take "no" for an answer.
Just tell her you're waiting til your DD is old enough to give informed consent.
Good luck with that one.

SerialReJoiner · 03/12/2016 21:04

Wow, she won't let up!

LuluJakey1 · 03/12/2016 21:05

Someone at nursery commented they thought DH was a girl because he has longish curly dark hair and they would have it cut short. I just smiled and said 'If he was your child you would have that choice'. FFS he is just almost 2 and he looks really cute with his curls.

KirstyJC · 03/12/2016 21:05

She really can't take no for an answer can she? Just message back and say you don't want her ears pierced. Then if she continues just block her.

mya83 · 03/12/2016 21:06

You need to just firmly and politely say, 'no thanks, I don't want to to get her ears pierced' and leave it at that. Not sure why the need to pretend to be busy or like some other suggestions to pretend you're worried about infection. She's your daughter, you don't want her ears pierced. No excuses or lies needed!

birdybirdywoofwoof · 03/12/2016 21:06

I would avoid her forever.

ChuffMuffin · 03/12/2016 21:08

I'd have just texted back with "Hmm" and blocked her if I'd only known her a week, but I think what you texted back is fine. Keep her at arms distance now, she sounds like she is trouble.

Longtime · 03/12/2016 21:20

I agree with mya83 100%. Honestly really is the best policy here.

diddl · 03/12/2016 21:28

That's a bit full on isn't it?

Is a meet up to have daughter's ears pierced together even a thing?

Too young imo & if her daughter doesn't look like a boyHmm, why is she having them done??

Avoid, avoid, avoid!

Original poster
Rosae · 03/12/2016 21:33

Benedikte2 I sent that and got back 'oh you're one of those. ' WTH does that even mean? ?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/12/2016 21:34

Ahh right I see OP

You'll need to be honest here I think and just tell her you don't want to get your DDs ears pierced and leave it at that.

FlouncedBack · 03/12/2016 21:35

I'd say we're going to wait till Dd is a bit older before getting her ears, tongue and nose done all in one go. Grin

Crumbs1 · 03/12/2016 21:37

Rude and wrong. Risks associated with ear piercing for babies. Child cannot possibly give consent at 2. You were incredibly tolerant and retrained in your response. Kids at 2 don't need a gender imposed through being stabbed their ears. They decide soon enough when they want to be girly.

DollyPlastic · 03/12/2016 21:38

Message back Go fuck yourself and then block.

SquinkiesRule · 03/12/2016 21:38

I'd text. Yeah, well thats not going to happen. I don't like little kids with earrings.
She pushed her opinion on you, why should you smile and say Sorry at all?

BratFarrarsPony · 03/12/2016 21:39

I would just blank her off. You don't want to be making 'friends' too quick in a new area. You might find that there is a good reason why she is latching on to new people so quickly...

humphreyandlinnea · 03/12/2016 21:49

I would ignore that one.

Mybeautifullife1 · 03/12/2016 21:55

Just tell her you think getting a 2 year olds ears pierced is child abuse.

BratFarrarsPony · 03/12/2016 21:56

don't say that or she will all around the place saying 'oh that new woman in the group said I was a child abuser' and stirring up trouble.
Honestly just blank her. It is the only way.

Smartiepuf · 03/12/2016 21:58

What a psycho.

Sad faces because you wint join in with her kiddie mutilation day?

Sounds like a total freak and she has already insulted you....three times (you lg looks like a boy, dresses like a boy and you are 'one of those')

Cheeky, rude bitch.

Run for the hills abd avoid that one like the plague.

123MothergotafleA · 03/12/2016 22:06

Tell her to take a flying fuck right off. What a complete bitch!
Yea, she's spooling for a scrap that one.
Let me at her.....

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 03/12/2016 22:15

When my daughter wanted to have holes made in her body and various bits of precious metal whapped in she was 12 and it her entirely her decision.

I would not have done it until she made the concious decision that it was what she wanted (and yes at 12 my DD knew her own mind)

I did make the decision not to put her in pink when she was little , but them was when I had some illusion of control.