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Original poster

Is this rude? What do I say back now? So cross.

126 replies

Rosae · 03/12/2016 19:41

Not aiming for a discussion on pierced ears. That's not what I'm cross about.

Moved house recently and been meeting lots of new mums lately. One (who I've known a week ) has messaged to say she's getting her nearly 2yr girl's ears pierced and would I like to come and get mine done too? I simply replied and said I was busy (I'm not, I just don't want to) but thanks for the invitation.

Now here's what I'm cross about. She said I should seriously think about it as it would stop my lo looking so much like a boy. Especially if I insist on dressing her like one! Is it me or is that really rude? It's true that I don't put her in pretty dresses like she seems to do with her little girl (from the only 2 meetings we've had). I tend to put her in leggings alot as they are comfy and she can move about in them and save the dresses for special days. But she wears alot of pink and flowers and stuff and doesn't look anything like a boy in my eyes!!

I haven't replied yet as I just don't know what to say. Everything coming to my mind is a rather rude bite-back...

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 04/12/2016 10:24

I don't find it rude, but incredibly ignorant and lacking in boundaries.

It'd be the end of any budding friendship for me tbh.
Don't 'annoy' her, just be less available, take a few hours to reply to texts and blend in to the background.

It seems very school yard-y to me.
But then I never cared much what others thought about how I dressed my DCs Grin

FurryLittleTwerp · 04/12/2016 10:35

She sounds nuts! Don't ever let her babysit for you - she'd most likely take your daughter to have her ears pierced "as a treat".

Shock
WalkingInTheAir13 · 04/12/2016 10:40

I find it incredibly ignorant, lacking in boundaries AND rude!

And all this after ONE WEEK!

Just ignore her - she may have appeared the most outgoing/friendly of the group as by contrast, the others were more reserved and polite.

mateysmum · 04/12/2016 10:43

Ignore. There is no more that can be said and whatever you might say she would just find some way of prolonging the agony. She is starting to come across as a potential stalker!!!

Doublemint · 04/12/2016 10:43

She sounds totally mental and like she's got nothing better to do than try to goad you into an argument. Cut and run!

thenightsky · 04/12/2016 10:44

Just say... thank you for the offer, but we are waiting until DD is old enough to decide for herself.

That worked for me in the past when more than one person put me under pressure.

OhSuckItUpDucky · 04/12/2016 10:47

I'd ignore her I think

SpookyPotato · 04/12/2016 11:06

She sounds intense and a bit bossy/controlling, I would hate all these texts. Well done for answering back breezily and I would not make much effort from now.. There are far nicer, more normal people out there to spend time with.

FancyThatFenceEdge · 04/12/2016 11:07

I just wouldnt reply.

You get hassle if you do and questions about your decisions. You need not justify yourself to her or anyone.

And if you do not reply - and if she asks you in person, you simply tell her you are busy and do not have time to fanny around replying to texts all day. You have a life beyond your phone.

She is definitely needy. Nip this in the bud or you'll be under her feet as she tramples all over you.

gunsandbanjos · 04/12/2016 11:10

By 'one of them' does she mean a grown up? What a weirdo.

Olympiathequeen · 04/12/2016 11:17

Just try to be quite neutral until you know more people, but she sounds nuts.

YouTheCat · 04/12/2016 11:30

You are going to have to spell it out or she'll keep on. Just say you don't want your child's ears pierced. Leave it at that, no judgement about what she chooses to do with her child though she's clearly a bit fucking stupid .

imip · 04/12/2016 11:42

God, she's persistent!

The piercing debate started for us around 8 years of age, so we are lucky. I've told my dc when they are 10 and can look after the peircing themselves, they can decide. My 10 yo won't do it because she needs to tape them for gymnastics.

But as I tell others who question my stance, I just say that I cannot be faced looking after piercings and infections in small children. I don't mind it when they are old enough to look after them themselves, but I remember frequently getting infections. People are usually satisfied with this. And I have 4dds, so I really mean it!

Good luck!

Giselaw · 04/12/2016 11:48

" It was lovely meeting you the other day. I'm not into texts as it's very easy to misinterpret someone's tone and quirky sense of humour, especially someone you don't know. Hope to catch up next time we see each other. X"

CauliflowerSqueeze · 04/12/2016 11:54

she has absolutely no social skills does she?

Keep ignoring. The second you engage she will be sending you a flurry of texts persuading or berating you. Keep ignoring.

What you want her to say is "so sorry, no problem at all - see you soon". That will NEVER happen.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 04/12/2016 11:57

I wouldn't reply. Why engage with someone like that?

She's not gonna have a 'eureka' moment on reading your texts and profusely apologise.

Chances are, you reply to her and you'll get five Increasingly irate texts back from her for every one
of your texts.

Just block.

Astro55 · 04/12/2016 11:58

You'll find out when the kids go to school - the first pushy friend is always a mean girl - this woman is being a mean girl -

weresquirrel · 04/12/2016 12:05

Is she the alpha female of the group? Almost sounds like she is trying to assert control over you or something. Otherwise she is acting in an extremely inappropriate way. Not only have you said no (very politely) but she is basically nagging you and being arsey to someone who is more or less a complete stranger to her. She is probably very pushy and opinionated about every minor subject. I would be very wary of her.

QuinionsRainbow · 04/12/2016 12:11

You've only known her a week?
Was there a particular reason you gave her your phone number?

That's what I was going to ask. We've got neighbours of ten years or more standing with whom we have never thought of exchanging phone numbers.

Damselindestress · 04/12/2016 12:13

Oh dear she's being so pushy! Sounds like she's a bit defensive about her decision to get her DD's ears pierced so young and wants you to validate it, which is weird when you haven't said anything critical. She seems to have decided to take offence that you don't want to get your DD pierced and seen it as a judgement on her choices even though you didn't say that so she's decided to retaliate to the perceived insult by being rude about your DD. She's obviously socially inept. The normal response would've been for her to leave it when you weren't interested rather than try to talk you into it and criticise your DD's appearance. I honestly don't see what you could say since you've made every effort to be polite and she's determined to take it the wrong way and has been rude back. Just ignore but be civil the next time you see her to avoid drama. Some people are such hard work!

StrangeLookingParasite · 04/12/2016 12:43

Just text back 'the answer is no'.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/12/2016 12:46

You really can't win with stuff like this. There was a thread the other day about a toddler boy wearing leggings. Several posters were attempting to argue that there was something wrong with little boys wearing leggings. I find this jawdropping. At that age you'd usually have to see a child in the nude to be sure whether they're male or female, and what on earth does it matter anyway? So the whole thing about wanting your toddler to be instantly recognisable as a boy or a girl is just plain odd to start with.

And that's before we get started on the ethics and aesthetics of toddlers having their ears pierced....

Back away now, OP. She sounds like far more trouble than she's worth.

FinderofNeedles · 04/12/2016 15:24

My DD was often mistaken for a boy. The lack of hair seemed to counteract any dresses / pink things she wore. It never occurred to me that piercing her ears was a solution. If anyone had suggested it to me, I would have been baffled.

She made her own choice on the matter many years later.

Disengage with this pushy person.

Blossomdeary · 04/12/2016 15:26

Oh just tell her to bog off - silly woman.

Personally I regard the piercing of children's ears as child abuse. Different when they are old enough to make a choice.

Shallishanti · 04/12/2016 18:21

if you are worried about alienating the whole group maybe issue a counter invitation to something you are sure she'd hate
No, ear piercing just isn't for us. But maybe you'd like to come along next week when dd and I go nettle gathering? we're going to extract the fibres and weave them into cloth for handkerchiefs- it'll be SUCH fun!