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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

child pointed toy gun at me

493 replies

morningtoncrescent62 · 03/12/2016 14:14

I know that telling off/not telling off other people's children has been done many times on AIBU. But genuinely not sure whether I was in the wrong here. On the bus this morning, woman got on with two children aged about 5, dressed up, obviously excited about going somewhere. One of the children was dressed as a cowboy, complete with toy gun. I'll admit I hate seeing children playing with guns, but I know not everyone feels the same. They sat behind and across the aisle from me and I was reading a book and trying not to be distracted - they were fairly noisy but not unreasonably so in the circumstances.

A few stops before I was getting off I looked up to find the child with the toy gun pointing it at me and pulling the trigger repeatedly. The woman hadn't seen as she was rootling about in her bag. So I said to the child, not sharply but firmly, 'Please don't point your gun at me, it isn't very nice'. The woman looked up and apologised. Then she took the child on her lap for a cuddle and started a loud conversation with the other one about how adults sometimes talk to children instead of the adult who is with them and this is bad and wrong. Which is OK if it's her position, but nothing at all about how sometimes when you point guns at people and pretend to shoot them they don't like it and they ask you not to. I was tempted to say to her that if her child was too young to be asked by strangers not to point his toy gun at them, then he was too young to be allowed to play with it in a public place - but I was about to get off the bus so I didn't.

So, MN jury, WIBU to speak directly to the child?

OP posts:
Mynestisfullofempty · 03/12/2016 16:24

I curious as to whether the OP would've had the same reaction if the child didn't have a toy gun, but was pointing his fingers at her as if they were a gun. Also, as the child was sitting behind her, all she had to do was stop looking at him. No need for a reprimand IMO.

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2016 16:25

Were they dressed as Woody?

natwebb79 · 03/12/2016 16:26

'You don't think the things we teach children affect how they behave when they are older?'

I can say with full confidence that a one off occasion where a stranger asks a child not to do something when they were only having a bit of fun role playing will make fuck all difference to whether they become teenage deliquents, yes.

BertrandRussell · 03/12/2016 16:26

Well, when I questioned the appropriateness of cowboy costumes, people said they were probably dressed as Woody.............

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2016 16:29

I thought that a cowboy costume would be popular due to Woody. You can get a generic cowboy dressing up costume as well as a Woody one. The Woody one being twice the price presumably.

MerryMarigold · 03/12/2016 16:30

Woody Grin

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2016 16:32

i was imagining this sort of thing

www.partypieces.co.uk/cowboy-role-play-set-1.html?gclid=CLfslI652NACFdQaGwod7AIBcA

MerryMarigold · 03/12/2016 16:32

Not so much that they were dressed as Woody, but that Woody made cowboys more acceptable again as a dress up/toy. I bet they were Woody but had a gun as well.

oldspeckledtam · 03/12/2016 16:34

Op, I'm with you. I hate guns being pointed at me, toy, water or nerf. I would have reacted in exactly the same way and I have done so in the past.

I appreciate that a toy gun can't hurt me, but I don't like them being pointed at me so I ask people not to. I don't care if it's a child, teen or adult. I'm not rude, but I refuse to accept it- it seems overly violent.

My own children have had guns bought for them but I have a strict rule on pretend shooting other people or animals. They accepted that without question really- it's not unreasonable or hard to enforce.

You are NBU op.

mrscarrotironfoundersson · 03/12/2016 16:34

How do cowboys scare away predators? Probably with a rifle but the professionally offended would like that even less.

I've seen Yul Brenner (swoon) in the magnificent seven. I know how it goes down.

GahBuggerit · 03/12/2016 16:35

my ds woody costume, including a plastic pistol, cost me the grand totsl of 6.79! generic shite cowboy outfit = woody to kids

Happymumof3tobe · 03/12/2016 16:35

I would have played along...he was dressed as a cowboy....how else do you play with a toy gun....?!?

booklooker · 03/12/2016 16:39

OP, do you get upset at the violence you see on Tom & Jerry?

ghostspirit · 03/12/2016 16:47

Long time ago I decided I did not like toys guns but it'd was more the media that made me decide that. I stopped My child playing with them so he used his fingers and pretended empty loo rolls where guns. I decided I was being silly so let hI'm have toy guns.

I would not have said anything to the child

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/12/2016 16:49

But why is play-murdering ok?

What?, do you think a 5 year old is really thinking about 'murder' when brandishing a plastic weapon.

Have you read We don't play with Guns here by Penny Holland? She examines play where children are allowed to construct weapons and enact goodies/baddies and superhero scenarios with sensitive adult guidance, and explores the generally positive experiences of children and practitioners. Rather than reading this form of play as the beginning of the slippery slope towards anti-social behaviour, readers are invited to view it as an entry point to imaginative play and social development. It's a good read.

MudCity · 03/12/2016 16:51

YANBU. oldspeckledtarn hit the nail on the head. I would definitely discourage my child from pointing a toy gun at people or animals.

DoinItFine · 03/12/2016 16:58

I can say with full confidence that a one off occasion where a stranger asks a child not to do something when they were only having a bit of fun role playing will make fuck all difference to whether they become teenage deliquents, yes.

First of all, you can anything with full confidence (and unnecessary sarcasm) but that doesn't make it true.

You don't know what kind of impact might be made on a person from any interaction.

Neither do you know that being spoken to by a stranger in public is a "one off".

Hopefull this child's mother will not succeed in convinving her child that he is separate from the rest of society and that they must not address him.

A society where children are asked to desist from doing things that upset or annoy others seems less likely to raise 12 year yobs than one where children believe nobody is allowed to talk to them and only their own feelings snd fun matter.

We all affect and build our society through our interactions with one another.

The OP did a thing that is positive for society overall, because she took time to address a child and ask him to stop behaving in a way that bothered her.

Even though what the child did wouldn't have bothered me, I think it was fair to ask him to stop.

I think the child's motger behaved in a very negative, antisocial, and passive aggressive way. I think she taught her child an awful lesson and missed a chance to teach him a good one. I think her kind of parenting leads to 12 year old yobs who think nobody can touch them.

BratFarrarsPony · 03/12/2016 17:05

" the professionally offended "

oh dear I suppose it was only a matter of time before someone trotted out that charming phrase.
Nobody makes a living from finding certain things offensive do they?
Silly phrase.

MerryMarigold · 03/12/2016 17:06

Even though what the child did wouldn't have bothered me, I think it was fair to ask him to stop.

It was fair to ask him to stop, but not to say 'it's not nice' as if this is a blanket rule on what is and isn't nice. That may be why the Mum took offence as it's like saying she hasn't taught him 'what's nice' and if she allows him to point guns at people then she is teaching him to be 'not nice'. It wouldn't have been nice to carry on once he'd been politely asked to stop.

CheerfulYank · 03/12/2016 17:07

I'm generally okay with toy guns (and real in some circumstances) but I think what you did/said was fine.

natwebb79 · 03/12/2016 17:09

'The OP did a thing that is positive for society overall, because she took time to address a child and ask him to stop behaving in a way that bothered her.'

I think you overestimate the effect her interaction will have. Especially when his mum inevitably told him to ignore the killjoy.

WorraLiberty · 03/12/2016 17:14

Oh god I'm cringing for you OP Xmas Blush

All you had to do was look back down at your book again...

Theoretician · 03/12/2016 17:18

Nothing wrong with way child was playing with toy gun, therefore OP was wrong to tell him off. Doesn't matter if she didn't like it, that's not a justification for telling someone off when the behaviour is not generally objectionable.

I would find a child talking non-stop in a whiny voice very irritating, but I wouldn't tell him off with no more justification than that I didn't like it.

RhodaBorrocks · 03/12/2016 17:19

DS has never had a toy gun (apart from water pistol or Nerf) until last weekend. He is 9. We have always had rules on no shooting unless someone is playing along with you.

When he was 3 or 4 we were at a supermarket and up on the mezzanine. One minute he was standing with us, the next I found him laying down looking down from the edge of the mezzanine, with a sweet wrapper he'd found twisted into a rudimentary gun and shooting other shoppers sniper style. I swear it's genetic for little boys to act this way.

However, he got a telling off for it because it hadn't been long since my DM had been shot sniper style with an air rifle, whilst out shopping in town! Air rifles are also sold as toys and the young teenage boys who shot my DM claimed to be 'just having a laugh'. They shot her in the neck, it could have been really nasty.

I would say OP YANBU. I doubt the mum would have been any less passive aggressive had you spoken to her anyway.

corythatwas · 03/12/2016 17:21

Afraid I'm with Worra here.

Playing with toy guns has never been considered ok in my family, at least as far back as my greatgrandmother, my dc weren't allowed, I don't personally like it. But "it's not nice" is telling the child that he has broken against some kind of universally recognised rule. He hasn't. "Please don't point it at me, I don't like it" would at least have made sense. If absolutely necessary.