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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

child pointed toy gun at me

493 replies

morningtoncrescent62 · 03/12/2016 14:14

I know that telling off/not telling off other people's children has been done many times on AIBU. But genuinely not sure whether I was in the wrong here. On the bus this morning, woman got on with two children aged about 5, dressed up, obviously excited about going somewhere. One of the children was dressed as a cowboy, complete with toy gun. I'll admit I hate seeing children playing with guns, but I know not everyone feels the same. They sat behind and across the aisle from me and I was reading a book and trying not to be distracted - they were fairly noisy but not unreasonably so in the circumstances.

A few stops before I was getting off I looked up to find the child with the toy gun pointing it at me and pulling the trigger repeatedly. The woman hadn't seen as she was rootling about in her bag. So I said to the child, not sharply but firmly, 'Please don't point your gun at me, it isn't very nice'. The woman looked up and apologised. Then she took the child on her lap for a cuddle and started a loud conversation with the other one about how adults sometimes talk to children instead of the adult who is with them and this is bad and wrong. Which is OK if it's her position, but nothing at all about how sometimes when you point guns at people and pretend to shoot them they don't like it and they ask you not to. I was tempted to say to her that if her child was too young to be asked by strangers not to point his toy gun at them, then he was too young to be allowed to play with it in a public place - but I was about to get off the bus so I didn't.

So, MN jury, WIBU to speak directly to the child?

OP posts:

MissVictoria · 03/12/2016 16:02

Eolian i fully agree that it isn't the norm to consider things like the minority who might have PTSD etc about toy guns and such, i'm just sensitive to it as someone i know went through it.
I don't think you can compare toy dogs to toy guns though. A toy dog is nowhere near the size nor has even close to the realism of a real dog, let alone will the toy dog be moving in a way that would resemble it attacking to bite you.
A toy gun being pointed at you however, can look just like having a real one capable of killing you pointed at you.
And seeing how it isn't ok for an adult to have a toy gun (or knife) in public, at what age does it switch from "it's just a kid, must be a toy" to "they're old enough it could possibly be real"?

paxillin · 03/12/2016 16:03

But why is play-murdering ok? Play-raping fine, too? Play-looting? Play-suicide?

Atenco · 03/12/2016 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MissVictoria · 03/12/2016 16:05

Paxillin very good point.

BertrandRussell · 03/12/2016 16:06

I would probably have said, "No, don't do that please"

But I can't bear guns as toys. And a cowboy is a pretty off dressing up costume these days, surely?

TheGruffaloMother · 03/12/2016 16:06

That's life in the big bad world that doesn't revolve around you.

You're aiming this at the boy? Seems to me that it's equally justifiable to say this to the OP.

MerryMarigold · 03/12/2016 16:06

Yes, actually my ds1 is very sensitive and would've cried in that situation as he would have interpreted as a stranger telling him off (ds2 is a bit more resilient).

OP, you could have asked nicely rather than 'firmly'. You could also have made it about you (which it is) by smiling and saying, "You know, it makes me feel really uncomfortable when people point guns at me." If he carried on, then the firm comment comes in. However, you were basically saying his behaviour is not very nice, which isn't true. It is not very nice to do it at someone who is uncomfortable, not that it is not very nice per se.

BertrandRussell · 03/12/2016 16:07

And no, I have never been shot or held up at gun point, and yes, I do know how to use a gun.

MissVictoria · 03/12/2016 16:08

I don't agree that toy guns mean kids will move on to real ones though, or that army based video games etc have any effect.
I've played plenty of call of duty, battle field and other warfare games since my fairly early teens, and i have an air rifle and airsoft pistol and revolver with those gas canisters, but i would NEVER take any of those out anywhere but a shooting range. I have absolutely no desire to shoot any person or animal, so i definitely think the whole "violent games breed violent adolescents" is bullcrap.

mrscarrotironfoundersson · 03/12/2016 16:10

And a cowboy is a pretty off dressing up costume these days, surely?

A cowboy is a rancher who rounds up cattle. What on earth is wrong with that?

natwebb79 · 03/12/2016 16:11

'Before you become a 12 year old yob chasing and intimidating a woman with a replica gun for shits and giggles.'

Pretty much all of my male friends aged 30-40 played with toy guns as young children. None of them ran after people wielding them when they were 12. I'm glad I'm not a small child growing up nowadays. The level of hysteria over a small child role playing is pretty ridiculous.

user789653241 · 03/12/2016 16:11

I think pointing toy gun at stranger is very rude.
My ds done it( not a toy gun, but finger shaped like a gun), he wasn't actually pointing at anyone, but can be seen to be pointing at someone who maybe in that direction. I told him to stop.

If some child pointed a toy gun at me and pretend to shoot, I would pretend to shoot them back, or pretend to be shot with action though.

MissVictoria · 03/12/2016 16:11

I know cowboys and Indians used to be a popular game. Would it be considered none PC to dress up as an Indian these days?

TheGruffaloMother · 03/12/2016 16:12

And a cowboy is a pretty off dressing up costume these days, surely?

Which group does a cowboy costume offend?

BratFarrarsPony · 03/12/2016 16:14

natwebb I think she was referring to my little anecdote where two 12 year olds who had (seemingly) never been pulled up for their behaviour in public, thought it amusing to follow me down the road clicking and pointing a replica gun.
Now perhaps if somebody had told them when they were 5 that there were certain ways of behaving in public, this would not have happened.

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2016 16:15

I would have thought a cowboy would be popular dress up due to Woody from Toy Story.

BertrandRussell · 03/12/2016 16:16

"A cowboy is a rancher who rounds up cattle. What on earth is wrong with that?"

Oh, I love a bit of faux ignorance! The well known childhood game of the last century, Cowboys and Indians was all about the rounding up of cattle, wasn't it? And nothing more useful on a ranch than a 6 shooter.

MerryMarigold · 03/12/2016 16:16

Most cowboy costumes are Woody from Toy Story. Very offensive

natwebb79 · 03/12/2016 16:18

'natwebb I think she was referring to my little anecdote where two 12 year olds who had (seemingly) never been pulled up for their behaviour in public, thought it amusing to follow me down the road clicking and pointing a replica gun.
Now perhaps if somebody had told them when they were 5 that there were certain ways of behaving in public, this would not have happened.'

Ah ok. Although I think 12 year olds like that would easily find another way to behave like little bastards so I shouldn't imagine somene having a word when they were 5 would have made a major difference to their attitude.

BratFarrarsPony · 03/12/2016 16:19

true, true Natwebb....

BertrandRussell · 03/12/2016 16:21

Did Woody have a gun?

BratFarrarsPony · 03/12/2016 16:21

...I mean they were right little so and so's, but what I really meant was, for them it was a bit of a joke, for me it was not funny at all, as I had spent many years living in south London...
So it does depend on your background and life experience.

DoinItFine · 03/12/2016 16:21

Although I think 12 year olds like that would easily find another way to behave like little bastards so I shouldn't imagine somene having a word when they were 5 would have made a major difference to their attitude.

You don't think the things we teach children affect how they behave when they are older?

Sparklingbrook · 03/12/2016 16:22

I wouldn't be surprised if Woody didn't have a gun. It's Disney after all. I think he has a holster though.

BertrandRussell · 03/12/2016 16:23

So if the kids were dressed up as Woody, why did they have guns?

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