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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

child pointed toy gun at me

493 replies

morningtoncrescent62 · 03/12/2016 14:14

I know that telling off/not telling off other people's children has been done many times on AIBU. But genuinely not sure whether I was in the wrong here. On the bus this morning, woman got on with two children aged about 5, dressed up, obviously excited about going somewhere. One of the children was dressed as a cowboy, complete with toy gun. I'll admit I hate seeing children playing with guns, but I know not everyone feels the same. They sat behind and across the aisle from me and I was reading a book and trying not to be distracted - they were fairly noisy but not unreasonably so in the circumstances.

A few stops before I was getting off I looked up to find the child with the toy gun pointing it at me and pulling the trigger repeatedly. The woman hadn't seen as she was rootling about in her bag. So I said to the child, not sharply but firmly, 'Please don't point your gun at me, it isn't very nice'. The woman looked up and apologised. Then she took the child on her lap for a cuddle and started a loud conversation with the other one about how adults sometimes talk to children instead of the adult who is with them and this is bad and wrong. Which is OK if it's her position, but nothing at all about how sometimes when you point guns at people and pretend to shoot them they don't like it and they ask you not to. I was tempted to say to her that if her child was too young to be asked by strangers not to point his toy gun at them, then he was too young to be allowed to play with it in a public place - but I was about to get off the bus so I didn't.

So, MN jury, WIBU to speak directly to the child?

OP posts:
DoinItFine · 04/12/2016 10:02

I think it's fine to speak firmly to a 5 year old pointing something at your head if you want them to stop.

Firmly is just making it clear that you mean it when yiu ask them to stop.

That it's not part of the game.

What tone should she have used?

Playful?

Jokey?

"Firmly" is MN lingo for how we are meant to say everything we want taken seriously.

There is nothing frightening about someone speaking firmly.

I think it would have been far worse to have made the request with a smile that the child could misinterpret, and then get more strudent when they thought you were joining in the game.

Firmly means she was clear. Which is fairest when talking to a 5 year old.

WeDoNotSow · 04/12/2016 10:33

blueturtle If the child was waving anything in OPs face, you'd have a point, but he wasn't, he was behind her,

WeDoNotSow · 04/12/2016 10:38

Also why do people keep saying The child continued pointing a gun at her after being asked to stop?
Or that he was pointing it 'in her face'(from behind her Confused )
He didn't, he stopped and went to mum for a cuddle.

BertrandRussell · 04/12/2016 10:57

People who know about and work with guns will never, even in fun, point a gun, even a toy one, at anyone.

ilovesooty · 04/12/2016 10:59

Charlotte your attitude explains why our schools have pupils who simply won't follow simple requests and say "You can't tell me what to do. You're not my mum."

bumsexatthebingo · 04/12/2016 12:05

If a child was doing something behind my child on the bus that he didn't like the look of but affected him in no way whatsoever I'd tell him to turn around and not look at it. Why crane your neck around to be offended? I probably would have told the op that if she didn't like it she was more than welcome to face forward and stop staring at us! And lol to the person who compared it to a replica pistol! It was a plastic toy gun from a cowboy outfit. It probably had a big silver star on it with sheriff printed on it! I'm not having it that the op was in any way alarmed. She wanted to enforce her view on gun play on another family.

bumsexatthebingo · 04/12/2016 12:09

And as for not pointing a toy gun at anyone. Does that include nerf centres and laser arcades. Kids know the difference between playing and real life violence. My kids are taught not to go near anything that looks like a gun they may find. In my experience kids who aren't allowed guns become more interested in them as they are forbidden and would be more likely to investigate a found gun.

paxillin · 04/12/2016 12:14

At nerf or laser arcades everybody is there to shoot and be shot.

I hate this "I kill you, pow, pow" game and always stop it. "I rape you, get down" wouldn't be a game.

Atenco · 04/12/2016 12:20

I think a child is much more likely to turn into a mad adult with a gun when they live in such an alienating world where they get randomly told off for innocent play.

I think the concept of "it takes a village to bring up a child", also refers to positive interactions

bumsexatthebingo · 04/12/2016 12:22

I was referring to the poster who said you should never point a toy gun at anyone under any circumstances.

bumsexatthebingo · 04/12/2016 12:25

It is imaginative play. Kids wouldn't play games about rape as they hopefully wouldn't have experienced it. But even Disney films show fighting scenes where characters are killed. Kids know it's not real. As did the op.

BertrandRussell · 04/12/2016 12:26

"I was referring to the poster who said you should never point a toy gun at anyone under any circumstances."

That was me. I stand by it. But for the benefit of the hard of thinking, I am happy to add "except in controlled, appropriate circumstances"

"Never never let your gun
Pointed be at anyone"

bumsexatthebingo · 04/12/2016 12:28

Well all I know is that I have a relative who is very anti toy gun. Guess what toys her girls try to sneak to play with every time they are in my house? Whereas to mine they don't have massive appeal. Which kids do you think would be more likely to mess around with a real gun they found?

peardropz · 04/12/2016 12:29

OP, turn your indignation into imagination and have some fun instead!

That's lovely that some people would play along with the OP's son, but it shouldn't be expected. I certainly couldn't be arsed most of the time, kids tend to want to carry on games for aaaaaages and sod that for a whole bus journey.
And if she didn't want the gun pointed at her that's fine too, I'm sure the boy got over it pretty quickly.

DoinItFine · 04/12/2016 13:07

I think if you find it "alienating" to have another person ask you not to point at then, you already a mad adult.

"Can you not do that? I don't like it."

It's a normal social interaction in a public place.

Alienating is the idea that adukts may not speak to children.

DoinItFine · 04/12/2016 13:09

And yes, there is no way I could be arsed pretending to be shot by a 5 year old.

I do enough of that kind of bollocks at home. It bores the arse off me at this point.

And even though I don't give a shit about toy guns, if I lifted my head to find one pointed at me with a child repeatedly pulling the trigger, I might well ask for it to stop.

bumsexatthebingo · 04/12/2016 13:15

I doubt I'd have joined in either. I probably would have just faced forward on the bus as I usually do anyway.

DoinItFine · 04/12/2016 14:42

She looked up and saw the toy gun pointed at her, which suggests strongly that the child was the one beside her (on the opposite side of the aisle).

I wouldn't love looking up from my book to see something pointed in my face.

I certainly wouldn't be OK with my children pointing things at people on public transport.

Luckily both they and I have enough imagination to be able to imagine there are other things to point your pretend weapon at than people nearby.

CaraAspen · 04/12/2016 14:54

I wouldn't like it if a child pointed a toy gun at me. Who lets their children play with toy guns, anyway? I think it says quite a lot about them.

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/12/2016 15:12

What does it say about them Cara?

usual · 04/12/2016 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lola111 · 04/12/2016 15:21

So how would you expect a child to play with a toy gun, other than pointing it at people and saying 'bang'

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 04/12/2016 15:22

A woman told my child (same age) to stop leaning his mouth all over the bar in front of him on the bus recently. I was too far away to speak to him without shouting, so I was pleased someone near him saw and was comfortable to intervene. I caught her eye afterwards and thanked her.
Likewise if I'd taken my eye off him and he'd started pointing a gun (toy, fingers, other improvisation) at someone, I'd be grateful if they just asked him to stop. If I had seen it, I would also have asked him to stop because while some people are clearly happy to join in, I also think it quite rude (in the same vein as pointing) and more aggressive than I'm willing to foster in my own child.

I agree with earlier posters that "I don't like it" would have been kinder and more accurate, but other than that I think YANBU OP and I'm surprised that this thread is so full of 'bus nutter' bollocks.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 04/12/2016 15:23

Does it say they really bloody love Toy Story, the Pixar-loving thundercunts?

I'm not a fan of guns, or other people's children but this thread is bonkers.

MerryMarigold · 04/12/2016 15:37

Also why do people keep saying The child continued pointing a gun at her after being asked to stop? Or that he was pointing it 'in her face'(from behind her confused )

It's not confusing. It's obtuse people trying to make their point by inventing stuff. Often happens on MN when people are in the wrong but need 'evidence'.

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