to think my mother saying she nearly throttled me as a baby was a horrible thing to say?

[Rainatnight]

Out with my parents last night, along with DP, DB and DB's girlfriend, my DM told a story about me crying endlessly as a baby, and being able to buy a dummy for me somewhere unexpected, late one night. Which stopped me crying.

She said 'that dummy saved your life because I would have throttled you'.

I was really upset and cross. DP thinks I'm being over-sensitive and that it was a joke.

Backstory is that my parents have always talked about what a difficult baby I was. All the stories of my babyhood are about me crying, crying, crying, not able to be soothed, not sleeping, them having to walk the floor, etc. I wasn't very well as a baby so some of it was probably due to being in pain/poorly. But they've never said, for example, anything cute or nice I did as a baby, and it probably has given me an idea of myself as a difficult, over-emotional person.

They were loving enough when we were growing up, and we're a perfectly naice family. No one would throttle anyone else!

But I was upset that she said that.

AIBU?

With the absence of any nice comments about you as a baby ynbu. I'm sure I'll tell my son similar as he really can be a grump but to balance it out there are a million loving stories and moments me and DH go on about.

It's just a bit unkind and mean really.

I think it's a figure of speech.

YABU. It is a common expression. Your mum sounds like she might have been absolutely exhausted and at her wits end and was recalling that. I am sure she had no ntention of upsetting you last night.

Babies crying can push you to the edge after many sleepless nights and days. She did not harm you, she went out and managed to buy you a dummy.

Would not bother me at all. I am sure my mum has said similar to me.

I was a nightmare baby, I cried all the time and I know my mum found me hard work. I would have laughed at that comment. She clearly loves me so like I'm sure your mum loves you. The fact that she found you hard work as a baby doesn't really matter now, does it?

I was a whingeing crying baby, I had croup and I know they had to endlessly walk the floor with me, wrapped in a special shawl.

My older sister was apparently a textbook baby and my mum thought she was such a doddle they could cope with two - then I arrived

It doesn't bother me in the slightest

It's just a figure of speech-I have said the same to my eldest. I do balance it with lots of positives though.

Next time she says that-just say, 'I don't think I've ever heard you say anything nice about me as a baby' and see what she says. It might make her think.

BTW I told my 13 year old son I was tempted to throttle him the other day when he was being cheeky.

He laughed and that was it. He knew I wouldn't actually do it obviously.

Maybe think on this the other way: your mum was at her wits end back then, and in need of support with an ill baby. Poor mum.

I think you're overreacting.
My DD was an awful child and knows it 😂
We laugh about it and it has become part of our family folklore

I think you're being over sensitive too. It's a common turn of phrase.

They were loving towards you when you were growing up and you are obviously still fairly close given you all went out together.

You're reading a bit too much into it imo.

I think if you otherwise feel loved and secure these stories don't matter.

If you don't/didn't, they do.

YANBU op.

Normally I'd say it's just a figure of speech. But because of what you say about them never saying anything nice about you as a baby then I can see why you're upset.

You are probably over reacting. I too was a crier. DM often says if I had been the first I would have been the last!

I think you should talk to them about it. See if they can find some photos which might jog nice memories.

Now that I wad 4 Dc I can understand how very difficult a crying baby is.

My mum has said things like that but it's obviously a joke, eg 'you never slept and were always wailing, you're lucky you didn't go through the window!'

But i suppose it depends on your relationship. We all have that jokey personality but know we all love each other and don't really mean it

They also planned on having loads of kids. Until i came along

They say they couldn't go through that all again

I say you cant improve on perfection

As someone with a DC who didn't sleep for the first four years, my sympathy is with your mum.

She knows that you didn't meant to, it wasn't intentional - you were only a baby. So why are you taking it so personally?

Because, and it's difficult to explain, your babyhood and early childhood should be a time you feel so secure and loved. I know how op felt, but haven't got the words.

Yabu to be upset over this one comment - it is a figure of speech and the constant screaming can really get to you, however much you love your baby.

However yanbu to feel a bit upset that your dm only tells negative stories about you as a baby. My dm does the same with my dbro, who was a very difficult baby/toddler, and I always think it must feel horrible to have your parents telling you how awful you were as a small child - it's not like it was your fault! She makes up for it with lots of proud stories about things he did as an older child/teenager though. Does your dm have nice stories from when you were older? I'm sure she's just offloading and that she loved you and was worried about you as a baby.

I'm the 3rd dc in my family and my parents have no stories about me as a baby/toddler at all because they were too busy with my siblings . It does make me feel a bit rubbish tbh.

I understand OP. It's the only talking about how difficult you were isn't it?
I had similar - the classic being that the fact that the midwife couldn't turn me from breach showed how stubborn I was. I always felt blamed for being born bum first (making things as difficult as possible from the beginning ......)

My mum tells very similar stories about meas a baby and so do my siblings. I was frequently handed around the neighbors who took turns to look after me as my mum couldn't cope. And yes all the stories about my childhood are about me being "difficult" and "bad tempered". So I totally get how it makes you feel. I never talk about my childhood to my mum anymore because I don't need to constantly be told that stuff. Sadly it has affected my relationship with her.

Next time she says something like that say "oh yes how terrible of me not to be the perfect baby!" And then see if she takes it as a joke....

My mum has a lot of criticism about me as a baby. I never stopped crying, I was naughty, I was hard work, etc. I just say "yeah mum, babies are hard work in general".

She tells me (at separate times) that I was cute, she tells me things I used to say and do. As long as she has some nice things to say about you then I think YABU.

My DS2 was a difficult baby / toddler - much harder than my other two DC. I'm determined not to mention this to him as I think it would be hurtful to hear.

Goodness. I remember my DM saying she'd throttle me when I was playing up. She didn't do it of course. She also used to ask me if I wanted a smack.

I don't think about asking them what I was like as a baby but my DM said she wasn't into babies because they did nothing, she saw my needs were met though. She remembers me being sick a lot. I did ask once if I ever had tantrums but my DM couldn't remember. It hasn't affected me one bit.

I doubt your mother ever considered throttling you, it was an expression she used when she was fed up.

Please don't over think things unless your DM wrote everything down she probably can't remember but unfortunately the not so good things are remembered instead. I think it's human nature.