Brother being overly loud with friends at 10pm....,,

[thinkimcrazy]

So I've come up to stay with my mum this weekend as it's her birthday tomorrow and she needs help at her shop today as she's short staffed so I had to come up last night in order to work today. Now I've come up with my DP and 5 month lb. my brother and his friends are 22 and were playing PlayStation. Come 9:50 I had txt him to say we were shattered my lb was asleep could they please keep the noise down, so we could go to bed. 5 mins later they're shouting again so I knock on his door and again ask them to please keep the noise down as we're trying to sleep and my lb was going to get woken up. 20 mins after that I start getting txt from him saying he's got his mates round and how this is his home and he doesn't moan when my lb wakes him up at the early hours of the morning. My mum was out at the time and when she got back I also got txt from her saying this is my brothers home he shouldn't have to be silent and if my little boy was tired he'd sleep through the noise (I think he downplayed how loud he actually was) I explained how loud he was being but she still insisted I was out of order. Even though he would never be that loud if she was in. We live 90 miles away so don't have anywhere else to stay but please tell me if IABU in texting him last night and going into his room just before 10pm asking him and his friends to keep the noise down? Sorry long winded post xx

i think you will need to cut back your visits drastically if your family can't be considerate. And no over night stays.

TBH I thought that maybe my son would've been higher on the pecking order but he's obviously not, I on the other hand know and probably shouldn't be so accommodating and helpful but can't help it. I'm used to it unfortunately.
As a pp said Lola is just being a goady fucker so I will not give her the reaction I did before as that's all she wants.

Essentially though, this is a dynamic your mother has created. The boys are clearly golden children. I really can't relate to having favourites. Long term she will reap what she sows.

Stop being helpful. Give them the space they deserve. How can you consider being with people who think so little of you or your needs. What example are you setting to your child long term?

I know especially since I'm the one that does a lot , even more when I lived here. I hope she realises one day but the funny thing is that she comes from a big family and was treated the same as me but she honestly can't see it.
My brothers used to talk and treat me like shit and she never said anything it was other family members that had to say something and me threatening to cut them from my life if they didn't change.

Think my mum was the same - the unfavoured, scapegoated child of the family. She used to talk about how much it had upset her. She still did the same with her own kids :( Don't understand it.

Me neither, it's just so strange!!
We just need to make sure we don't do the same to our kids, which I'm sure we won't xx

I'm also suprised your baby wouldn't sleep through, maybe he's used to it being quite quiet in the evenings?

10pm is very early though, if he was still noisy at 1am, fine, but to a lot of people 10pm is pretty much middle evening, especially if you've got friends around.

I also don't live at home and have to travel 2 hours to visit so will stay the whole weekend at my mums.
My sisters are 15, 17, 18 and my brother 20 all of them would keep there noise down when we stay as they all old enough to not to want to wake a baby up. I also know that if there where to wake there nephew my mum would say something to them about keeping there noise down.
I can't see how your being unreasonable in the slightest. If it was me I would've of went straight in his room and told him to be quiet if it embarrassed him or not. Nor should it matter what time of night it was someone was sleeping.
When we visiting my sister and my boy is having his nap during the day if my nephew who is 8 is being to loud then my sister will ask him to keep the noise down so he doesn't wake the baby. It's just being respectful of other people.

Ok I feel I need to repeat myself, my lb sleeps through noise but like any normal human being of any age will wake up when people are shouting.
And yes I had work the next day so I would've liked to have gone to sleep at a decent hour just like he does when he's working.
Best bit about this morning though was at 9:30 I was going back upstairs to have a shower and get ready when my mum told me to be quiet as my brother was in bed sleeping!!
I had to bite my tongue as it was her birthday and I didn't want to argue and spoil her day. But it confirmed that me and my son don't matter.

OMG! Can she not see the irony and hypocrisy?!!!! I wouldn't have bitten my tongue and I don't think you should have done - birthday or not. That's simply outrageous and I am outraged on your behalf

There is a level of noise in a house that is unacceptable at any time of day
Do posters not realise that
Having a teen who plays Xbox I know it often causes unreasonable noise levels and I ask him to reduce the noise any time of day

This was all I was asking him to be a bit quieter, not to be silent which I think a lot of people aren't understanding

I'll bet that when your DM needs help OP she won't be asking your brothers
Just remember how she has treated you

I do need to learn to say no a lot more

My brothers room is below the gueat room at my parents house. He plays games all night with people in japan.

Last time dd and i stayed he moved his gaming gear to the dining room without being asked. He said he didnt want to disturb dd this may have something to do with a previous visit where he experienced the full pain of a tired toddler and grumpy sister when i deposited her in his room at 10am and went out for brunch

I think he realises he was in the wrong cause he's since making effort with me and my lb but won't admit he was wrong. But I'm extremely stubborn and won't apologise unless I am in the wrong

"my mum told me to be quiet as my brother was in bed sleeping!!"

OMG!

You brother was being inconsiderate, but from the sounds of it your mother has allowed and maybe even encouraged his entitled behaviour so you can't really expect much better from him until he has had a few knocks and grown up in the real world.
The problem seems to be your mother, I would suggest a few home truths, leaving and cutting contact until she has a bit of self reflection and at least acknowledges she is treating you as a second class citizen compared to your brothers.

People will only treat you as you allow them to.

Foxy I've tried so many times before but she doesn't think she does treat us differently.
Don't get me wrong she's helped me out loads in the past, but it's not financial help I'm after, it's to be treated the same. I am so great full for the help she's given me but I'd much rather be treated equally.

I probably wouldn't visit again for 4 months but just chat to them on the phone as per normal. If asked, just say that you Don't have the stamina to visit as you and DS wont get the sleep you need which makes you too tired. Say your need for sleep is important for your family's well being. You are looking after your family's needs first.

Time for low contact then OP. And next time she needs a hand, she can pay for you to stay at a travel lodge or go whistle

Yes I definitely will be cutting down my visits which does make me really sad cause I get homesick and miss all my friends and other family too.
Normally I just let things ride over my head for an easy life but this is something I just can't let go over my head when there is such disregard for my son.