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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brother being overly loud with friends at 10pm....,,

152 replies

thinkimcrazy · 03/12/2016 07:49

So I've come up to stay with my mum this weekend as it's her birthday tomorrow and she needs help at her shop today as she's short staffed so I had to come up last night in order to work today. Now I've come up with my DP and 5 month lb. my brother and his friends are 22 and were playing PlayStation. Come 9:50 I had txt him to say we were shattered my lb was asleep could they please keep the noise down, so we could go to bed. 5 mins later they're shouting again so I knock on his door and again ask them to please keep the noise down as we're trying to sleep and my lb was going to get woken up. 20 mins after that I start getting txt from him saying he's got his mates round and how this is his home and he doesn't moan when my lb wakes him up at the early hours of the morning. My mum was out at the time and when she got back I also got txt from her saying this is my brothers home he shouldn't have to be silent and if my little boy was tired he'd sleep through the noise (I think he downplayed how loud he actually was) I explained how loud he was being but she still insisted I was out of order. Even though he would never be that loud if she was in. We live 90 miles away so don't have anywhere else to stay but please tell me if IABU in texting him last night and going into his room just before 10pm asking him and his friends to keep the noise down? Sorry long winded post xx

OP posts:
lola111 · 04/12/2016 14:59

If I didn't need the money I was on the verge of leaving last night to be honest

so it doesn't sound so much like a one-sided favour to your mum, so much as a mutually beneficial arrangement.I think YABU telling your brother to be quiet before 10pm on a Friday night in his own home!If it hyad been 2 am you might have had a point
Babies normally can sleep through a lot of noise, unless the parents train them otherwise.If he had been tired he would have re-settled it was probably the change of scene that put him on edge.

stonecircle · 04/12/2016 15:05

But Lola - the op's bro expects her to keep the baby quiet on a morning so as not to disturb his sleep. Is that fair? Does the op not have any say in what happens in her family home?

JassyRadlett · 04/12/2016 16:20

Babies normally can sleep through a lot of noise, unless the parents train them otherwise.If he had been tired he would have re-settled it was probably the change of scene that put him on edge.

Bollocks. Some babies are light sleepers and some heavy, just like children and adults. Some resettle easily if woken, some are disastrous. Some babies adapt to a change of scene with no problem, for some it puts them 'on edge'.

And it sounds like the brother's noise was excessive.

gillybeanz · 04/12/2016 16:29

YABU, 10pm is just getting going for a young twenty something.
Kids sleep through noise.

Chippednailvarnishing · 04/12/2016 18:43

Except when they don't.

usual · 04/12/2016 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Squashberry · 04/12/2016 18:54

Yanbu. You've gone to visit your mum on her birthday and to HELP HER. Yet she's siding with your brother because he has to be quiet for a few nights for his nephew. Your mum should be putting her infant grandchild first imo, not her grown son who is acting selfish.

PirateFairy45 · 04/12/2016 19:00

You were doing your family a favour. It doesn't happen every day, your brother could have been a lot more considerate given it is his nephew.

Original poster
thinkimcrazy · 04/12/2016 19:55

Lola do you have children? My lb can sleep through noise which is why I had said can they keep it down a bit, not to be silent. The noise they were making was ridiculous.
Yes this is standard behaviour for my family, no matter what I say, ask or do it's normally me that is BU or answer is no.
Yes in a way it was a two way thing helping my mum out and getting some extra money, but if she wasn't short staffed then I wouldn't have worked. So I was in actual fact doing her a favour.
My DP who always tells me if I'm in the right or wrong is actually really pissed off with my DB with the messages he was sending me and how inconsiderate he was towards our lb. we come here once maybe twice a month and that is when they see us/my lb so I don't understand how it's so hard to be considerate towards a baby of 5 months. If I was here every weekend then yes fair enough I could understand, but I'm not and I get really down sometimes with how homesick I get, so my mistake for thinking my family would be there for me.

OP posts:
DailyFaily · 04/12/2016 20:34

YANBU - it's irrelevant that it's his own home, he's a 22 year old man who should show consideration to anyone staying there. Fair enough he may not have realised that babies don't always sleep through loads of noise but once you'd asked him to keep it down then he should have, him saying your baby wakes him up is childish in the extreme.

Original poster
thinkimcrazy · 04/12/2016 20:52

Daily I know and that's what annoys me the most, if he was an older child waking the house up at all hours I could understand a bit better but 5 months old? No chance

OP posts:
honeylulu · 04/12/2016 21:17

My blood is boiling reading this and I'm sad you've had a hard time on this thread from a few posters. It seems like a typical golden child/scapegoat scenario. It's the same in my family and my husband's too. The golden child can do no wrong and must not be upset under any circumstances. If they are, must apologise. Arggh!
What would happen if you threw down an ultimatum and said you won't stay again unless you can have some peace at night?
By the way, my BIL was cosseted like this by my MIL and now she's dead he in a permanent rage with the world because people don't dance attendance on him any more. He's 50 years old and has done fuck all with his life. It's not always a good deal long term to be the golden child, if that's any comfort.

lola111 · 04/12/2016 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lola111 · 04/12/2016 21:30

It was before 10pm!! It's not as though your DS had to be up for a hard day at school or work the next day!

Original poster
thinkimcrazy · 04/12/2016 21:32

Lola I asked if you had children because I do not know anyone children or adults who can sleep through screaming!! So fuck off with the 5 months comment, it's not needed!!

OP posts:
Original poster
thinkimcrazy · 04/12/2016 21:34

Jesus Christ he's a baby just because he's not at school does not mean it's acceptable to be woken up by people shouting whilst playing a game!!

OP posts:
Original poster
thinkimcrazy · 04/12/2016 21:35

You obviously have forgotten what it's like to have a baby!!

OP posts:
jonshlong · 04/12/2016 21:43

Now now girls!

Original poster
thinkimcrazy · 04/12/2016 21:46

There is no need to start judging my parenting or make comments about me only being a Mum for 5 months, totally uncalled for.

OP posts:
Original poster
thinkimcrazy · 04/12/2016 21:55

Honey sorry for the late reply got totally side tracked by someone else, if I gave an ultimatum I would still be in the wrong so I have just said I won't be coming back as much and if on the days I'm up my brother is arranging to have his friends round to let me know and I won't come up and she said fine but in a shitty way

OP posts:
LostMyBigGirlPants · 04/12/2016 21:57

My two penneth.

Your brother is a spoiled, entitled arse.

Your mother is a wimp.

And lola is a goady fucker.

Original poster
thinkimcrazy · 04/12/2016 22:01

Thanks lost

OP posts:
DesolateWaist · 04/12/2016 22:02

It was before 10pm!! It's not as though your DS had to be up for a hard day at school or work the next day!

I'll mention that to all the parents who ever complain that something has woken their baby......

Chippednailvarnishing · 04/12/2016 22:04

Yup, GF.

Just stop helping your DM out, especially as it appears your DS shares your place in the pecking order.

NiceFalafels · 04/12/2016 22:05

Babies who haven't had enough sleep can be grotty the next day and make everyone's life hard work.

Your mother obviously has favourites and you are the family scapegoat.

A 22 year old man is mature enough to be considerate to his 6 month old nephews needs. He's 22, not 3 years old.

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