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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have got anything for my colleague at Greggs?

146 replies

JustGettingStarted · 02/12/2016 19:21

That's right! A Greggs thread! Grin

I was in Edinburgh on business last week and a colleague was staying in the same hotel. I got up before sunrise to walk across town in freezing cold to go to the gym. Any virtuous points were forfeited when I stopped at Greggs for a bacon roll and coffee. The queue was out the door and it was a long wait, but I love a bacon roll!

Just after I had ordered and paid my colleague texted to ask if I wanted to meet for breakfast. I replied that I had just ordered at Greggs. My order was then served to me and when I was putting sugar in, she texted again: "Oh, lovely. Could you please get me a latte and a pain au chocolat? Bring it to my room and I will pay you back."

The queue was even longer by now and I just wanted to walk back with my room and eat on the way. So I texted "I'm sorry, I've already paid and received my order and the queue is out the door." I then walked back.

I guess the sound of traffic blocked the next ping, and I didn't see that she'd texted "Oh, please? I am really craving it and it's just so cold out. Please?" I didn't hear until the next ping which was for a second text: "????"

I replied that I was now on my way back, sorry.

Colleague was pretty miffed with me when she saw me later. She seemed to think that I had been selfish.

Not sure if this is relevant, but I find her a bit clingy She asked me to eat every meal with her and badgered me daily to ride on the attractions at the Christmas fair in Princess Street Gardens, although I repeatedly said that I had no desire to swing about in baskets 60 metres up in the freezing cold. She also texts me stupid questions like I'm her personal Google "What's the best pain killer for muscle aches?" "what's the weather forecast for tomorrow "

So maybe I was being mean?

To be honest, I wanted to just eat my roll with one hand and drink my coffee with the other and not carry her stuff.

WIBU?

OP posts:
IAmNotACat · 02/12/2016 21:14

OP, this colleague thinks you are a close friend. You need to tell her that you don't consider her a friend at all. I'm not going to say you're mean but I think you can't continue to have a relationship with this person where you don't like her but she thinks you're her best friend. It's not fair on her.

littlesallyracket · 02/12/2016 21:21

Why didn't you text her when you were in the queue and offer to bring her something?

This woman was staying in a hotel FFS. Who needs breakfast fetching for them when they are already in a place that serves shedloads of breakfast? And what have this woman's breakfast needs got to do with the OP? They are just colleagues who happened to be in the same place; they weren't friends on holiday together. The OP was there doing her own thing.

S1lentAllTheseYears · 02/12/2016 21:24

I feel sorry for her but she sounds like hard work and I confess I wouldn't want her thinking she was my best friend. It sounds very one sided and draining.

She was not entirely unreasonable to ask you to get her something. It sounds like she didn't want to go down for breakfast in the hotel on her own and I sympathise but she should have left it once you said about the long queue (I totally get that you didn't want to to balance two drinks and an extra pastry either!)

Original poster
JustGettingStarted · 02/12/2016 21:26

I agree. I feel pretty shit about it.

I guess I'm hoping that she'll be better now that she has a proper home.

I did tell her that I would prefer we didn't end up in the same location in the future. It was a coincidence that she went to Edinburgh when I did, although she booked the same hotel because I had mentioned it to her in passing as a place I like to stay. It was not a coincidence that she extended a day and took the same train.

My sales were impacted, as we have similar products. I pointed out that the time we'd both been in Glasgow my sales had been great but hers were not and said that we should avoid it happening again. She got pretty upset about it.

I have other colleagues who make a point of checking with me (and I them) to avoid this issue, so I know that it's not unusual to consider it.

There are also other colleagues with products different enough that it doesn't matter and we sometimes travel together. I think she'd like to be able to do that with me.

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 02/12/2016 21:30

I think you were mean. She did ask nicely. I would have gone back. Kindness is free and it wouldn't have hurt you to stand in that queue again.

SouthofMaui · 02/12/2016 21:35

I think you are making too much of a drama of the whole story.

For the Greggs incident, a small lie would have done the trick. See her text too late when you are already on your way back.

Regarding the business sales, you need to have a talk at work and put your foot down. You can be very pleasant and firm about it. It's a workplace, not a school ground, it's not your problem if she doesn't behave like a responsible adult.

awayinamazda · 02/12/2016 21:40

It's not ur fault OP! Being nice a few times doesn't obligate you to be her friend forever, as long as u r not deliberately nasty at work, u don't have to do any more for her. Ignore her text, calls whatever, and if she asks say ur really busy, and ur phone plays up sometimes, then rush off. She will hopefully find someone more receptive who wants someone to talk to

ViewBasket · 02/12/2016 21:41

It sounds like, for whatever reason, she finds it difficult to get social interactions quite right, in the way most people find comes naturally. I do sympathise with her, as it must be hard and she probably does find she gets rejected without knowing why. OTOH you've put yourself out quite a bit already and you can't force a friendship which just isn't there. So YANBU, but I don't think she's being annoying deliberately.

awayinamazda · 02/12/2016 21:44

I can just imagine my colleague s reactions, if I asked them to go back and get me breakfast when they were out, on a work trip and would have to queue again - I think all would decline, and many would be quite irritated that I was acting so dependent.

Ahickiefromkinickie · 02/12/2016 21:45

'What's the best pain killer for muscle aches?"

A new tab has opened in my iPad with search results for this question! Shock

What new trickery is this? I didn't search that!

IAmNotACat · 02/12/2016 21:51

She will be upset, because she thinks you are her friend

See it from her point of view for a minute.

It's not nice to learn that someone you thought was a friend for a long time has never liked you. You need to tell her you don't want to have any contact with her and that you do not want to be her friend. The sooner you do this, the easier it will be on her. Don't string her along and keep on letting her think that you like her when you don't.

Clutterbugsmum · 02/12/2016 22:03

I just can't handle taking care of a 39 year old woman I was thinking she was late teens, early twenties and saw you as a 'mother figure' not a bloody grown women who should know better.

Original poster
JustGettingStarted · 02/12/2016 22:04

I used to like her. I'm just tired of her. I hope we can be friends of a sort again sometime. I like her to a certain extent, still.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 02/12/2016 22:46

I'm surprised SuperFlyHigh hasn't found this thread and chewed you out for not bringing breakfast back to her on a silver platter, declining payment, and massaged her feet whilst she ate.

YANBU.

PaulDacresConscience · 02/12/2016 23:28

Expat Grin

OP has clearly bribed the manager of Gregg's to produce a queue of people to prevent her from picking up her colleague's breakfast.

expatinscotland · 02/12/2016 23:35

I've had to queue at the one in Nicolson Street, the one up from the square, and it was awful because I was very hung over.

PaulDacresConscience · 02/12/2016 23:38

The best cure for a hangover is Paradise Pizza on North Bridge. No idea if it's still there, but I spent many of my student loan £ in there, back in the day. Out of the dancing at 3.30am, wander down to Paradise to sit and eat Pizza, finish off in front of the Penny Black for 5am. I had a nasty shock when I moved South and had to get to grips with the licensing hours!

JerryFerry · 02/12/2016 23:47

The woman is a pain in the arse and I would not feel remotely bad about the breakfast run. And there are some very weird responses on here.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 02/12/2016 23:59

Greggs must be bloody huge up there, never seen one queued our the door!

If I'd already been through the queue, I wouldn't do another as I hate queues with a vengeance!

differentnameforthis · 03/12/2016 00:10

Kindness is free and it wouldn't have hurt you to stand in that queue again. Except op said it was almost 9am and she had to get to work.

KoalaDownUnder · 03/12/2016 01:22

She sounds needy as fuck and you have been more than kind.

Jesus, the fact that anyone thinks otherwise just reinforces my belief that some posters will twist anything to stick the boot in to the OP.

Italiangreyhound · 03/12/2016 01:29

Yanbu

littleprincesssara · 03/12/2016 10:56

Set firm boundaries now. Helping someone out doesn't mean you're BFF.

I know someone like this. A colleague I'd hung out with twice (both times in a professions context) wouldn't leave me along, insisted I was her best friend, including phoning me about ten times in a row to cry and scream because I'd posted some minor bad news (pet death) on FB and not phoned her personally.

Some people are needy and have terrible boundaries. Set those boundaries.

2rebecca · 03/12/2016 11:42

I think she was being selfish asking you to queue again after you had already bought your hot breakfast and told her there was a long queue. I agree that carrying food and eating hot food at the same time isn't possible, esp if drinks are involved. She was moaning about how cold it was but expected you to spend longer in the cold for her convenience.
I'd be not taking my phone with me in any dealings with her in future and would find the clinginess annoying. The power balance is wrong for this to be a good friendship.

bertsdinner · 03/12/2016 11:46

I think the colleague is the selfish one, to expect you to queue again while your own food is getting cold ( even if it was only 5 mins ).
The thing with the hairdressers/google reminds me of my next door neighbour. She lives on her own, ( not elderly ), and seems to like having people run around after her. She expected me to put her wheelie bin out for her ( not a one off, on a regular basis ) and was most put out when I wouldn't.