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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have got anything for my colleague at Greggs?

146 replies

JustGettingStarted · 02/12/2016 19:21

That's right! A Greggs thread! Grin

I was in Edinburgh on business last week and a colleague was staying in the same hotel. I got up before sunrise to walk across town in freezing cold to go to the gym. Any virtuous points were forfeited when I stopped at Greggs for a bacon roll and coffee. The queue was out the door and it was a long wait, but I love a bacon roll!

Just after I had ordered and paid my colleague texted to ask if I wanted to meet for breakfast. I replied that I had just ordered at Greggs. My order was then served to me and when I was putting sugar in, she texted again: "Oh, lovely. Could you please get me a latte and a pain au chocolat? Bring it to my room and I will pay you back."

The queue was even longer by now and I just wanted to walk back with my room and eat on the way. So I texted "I'm sorry, I've already paid and received my order and the queue is out the door." I then walked back.

I guess the sound of traffic blocked the next ping, and I didn't see that she'd texted "Oh, please? I am really craving it and it's just so cold out. Please?" I didn't hear until the next ping which was for a second text: "????"

I replied that I was now on my way back, sorry.

Colleague was pretty miffed with me when she saw me later. She seemed to think that I had been selfish.

Not sure if this is relevant, but I find her a bit clingy She asked me to eat every meal with her and badgered me daily to ride on the attractions at the Christmas fair in Princess Street Gardens, although I repeatedly said that I had no desire to swing about in baskets 60 metres up in the freezing cold. She also texts me stupid questions like I'm her personal Google "What's the best pain killer for muscle aches?" "what's the weather forecast for tomorrow "

So maybe I was being mean?

To be honest, I wanted to just eat my roll with one hand and drink my coffee with the other and not carry her stuff.

WIBU?

OP posts:
ClopySow · 02/12/2016 20:11

I had a colleague like this. She'd fall out with me if i went out at lunchtime without asking her if she wanted to come too. I was so relieved when she left.

ilovesooty · 02/12/2016 20:12

And you gave a fake job reference? How would you like it if someone was similarly dishonest with you?

MotherFuckingChainsaw · 02/12/2016 20:14

You don't owe anyone your friendship

To Those posters who re being meeeean not particularly liking her. Sorry but I find that sort of thing really holds women back. There's such a massive social pressure on women to be 'nice' not rock the boat and to pander to shite relationships.

You don't particularly like her. You did her a favour, but she's not your kind of person. That's absolutely fine. You owe her nothing. And especially not your friendship.

The wanting you to but stuff when she already has a voucher just smacks of her setting tasks so you can prove you like her. Fuck that. Don't play that game. I'd have just text back. 'Sorry, too slow . I've left the building ' and not engaged any more

You are not unreasonable at all.

Original poster
JustGettingStarted · 02/12/2016 20:17

I guess I feel guilty for being annoyed with her. Like, I took on her problem when I said "it's OK, you can stay in my flat in Manchester until you get on your feet." I was in Manchester a good deal at that time and saw a lot of her and noticed that she had a lot of issues.

She does have odd boundaries. Buys lavish gifts for people that are out of proportion to the relationship. Another colleague has tried to be friendly to her, then asks to borrow money. She never did ask me for money, I have to say.

OP posts:
Iwannabelikecommonpeople · 02/12/2016 20:21

Motherfuckingchainsaw The whole relationship with these two has been false and one sided I agree what you say re not owing anyone friendship..but this has gone too far, the OP has encouraged the friendship by helping the friend out rather a lot in the past and is now proclaiming this 'colleague' is clingy and full on. The op should have been more assertive ages ago.

Ahickiefromkinickie · 02/12/2016 20:23

There are alot of self-righteous people on this thread.

Yes, how dare you, OP, help out a colleague by letting her LIVE IN YOUR FLAT and help her GET HER OWN PLACE and BOOK HER HAIR appointments (why can't she call them herself) and yet not call her your BFF, you two faced nice person.

littlesallyracket · 02/12/2016 20:24

Work can be boring and maybe she just values you and your intelligence. I think you were a bit mean. And perhaps not worthy of a friend.

LOL. Are you one of those clingy types who think everyone has to be friends with anyone who demands it, and spend time with them even if they don't like them or get on with them?

It's not a matter of the OP not being worthy of this childish woman's friendship. It's a matter of her not wanting it.

Actually ... are you the OP's colleague? Hmm

In all seriousness, nobody is obliged to be friends with a colleague. The OP has been polite and helpful and perfectly nice to this woman, but the woman is overstepping the mark and seems to feel entitled to constant attention from the OP outside work.

YANBU at all, OP.

Original poster
JustGettingStarted · 02/12/2016 20:25

Although we can debate the ethics of providing a fake job reference to an estate agent for a lease, I don't think I was dealing dishonestly with the colleague.

She's self employed and hasn't payed tax ever. She has always had to live without a lease: with boyfriends or roommates who accepted cash. This lead to her living with a deranged couple who were apparently drug dealers and they threw her out in some sort of drama scene. That's when I offered to help her and discovered that she's hapless.

She seems to look up to me and asks for a lot of advice and help. I will say that she's been trying very hard. She's got a bank account, she's working hard to get her flat furnished. I dare to hope she will even pay taxes and be a model citizen.

I'm genuinely glad she's making progress. I just wish sometimes that I had never taken on the role (whatever that is.)

OP posts:
Iwannabelikecommonpeople · 02/12/2016 20:29

Fair enough OP. Hope she does sort herself out and become more independent. maybe I'm just jealous as I've never been to Edinburgh Grin

Dagnabit · 02/12/2016 20:29

Did I read that this colleague is 39?! She sounds like a child. And you owe her nothing, OP.

OlennasWimple · 02/12/2016 20:32

The Greggs breakfast was only a small symptom of a bigger issue. You need to put up some boundaries and give her less information about what you are doing, and refuse to get embroiled in her life (making the hair appointment FFS!). She clearly thinks the relationship is much closer than you do, so you need to correct that - gently! - before something happens that means one of you gets really hurt.

QueenArseClangers · 02/12/2016 20:38

m.youtube.com/watch?v=LclFf6HrDkI

Ipsie · 02/12/2016 20:39

I don't get the whole drip thing accusations. Are people supposed to write out everything they can in the main post? This could make for a long post!

I don't think you were being unreasonable - but I think the time to distance yourself is now long overdue.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 02/12/2016 20:40

Jesus fuck no one can ever have a fucking vent on here without people getting all sniffy 'you don't sound very nice'. Maybe, in this one instant, OP wasn't very nice. But maybe, considering the other things she's done, she is nice, but just felt like pleasing herself for once?! Do most people really just cut people off dead when they do things they don't like, don't have a moan and a whinge and get over it?

OP YANBU.

WalterWhitesNipple · 02/12/2016 20:44

queenGrin

AnnieAnoniMouse · 02/12/2016 20:45

I haven't read all the replies, but I've read your posts.

...you're doing well not to have battered her to death. Disengage before you do. But if need be, I'll be your alibi.

JunosRevenge · 02/12/2016 20:48

So.... you know, she's going to turn up with the same hairdo/colour as you, OP?

Think you need to set some appropriate boundaries and take a step back.

PaulDacresConscience · 02/12/2016 20:50

I think you were a bit mean. And perhaps not worthy of a friend

What a nasty thing to say Hmm

SantaPleaseBringMeEwanMcGregor · 02/12/2016 20:51

What a hardship to have someone you work with that enjoys your company! Work can be boring and maybe she just values you and your intelligence. I think you were a bit mean. And perhaps not worthy of a friend.

Patriciathestripper1, there's a line where enjoying company turns into being clingy, and where asking a favor can become an unreasonable inconvenience. There's also a line between a mature response, ("I understand, let me know if you go back tomorrow!") and whining like a child that you didn't get what you didn't know you wanted. Not to mention the thing about insisting OP make a hair appointment for her instead of just getting the number!

But as an aside, I love your user name! And with a lick of her lips she undid ALL the clips!

llangennith · 02/12/2016 20:55

YADNBU. I wouldn't have bothered either. You're not her mother or her assistant. You weren't mean.

Reality16 · 02/12/2016 20:57

Why didn't you text her when you were in the queue and offer to bring her something? After all she thought of you when she text and asked if you wanted to meet for breakfast.

T00ManyB00ks · 02/12/2016 20:57

Run like the wind... you'll be waking up with her sat at the end of your bed next. I'm actually amazed you booked her hair appointment for her.

PaulDacresConscience · 02/12/2016 21:03

Reality - maybe because the OP just wanted some quiet time by herself, given that her colleague had been clinging to her for the rest of the trip. Her colleague was tucked up at the hotel with a breakfast voucher, so she wasn't going to go without.

ConvincingLiar · 02/12/2016 21:04

I second let me google that for you. Breezily decline to become her PA.

Original poster
JustGettingStarted · 02/12/2016 21:12

" Why didn't you text her when you were in the queue and offer to bring her something? After all she thought of you when she text and asked if you wanted to meet for breakfast."

Because I wasn't thinking of her.

OP posts:
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