To think it's never right to call someone "toxic"

[eyelevelgrill]

Just that really. I first heard the word about 6 years ago and dislike it just as much now as I did then.

Do you use it? What do you mean by it? Do you think it is a very strong word to use?

I think it's a strong word but for some people it fits

Do you not think it is dehumanising?

Calling people names is never "right" IMHO.
but "Toxic" is a useful and appropriate description of many situations, behaviours and relationships and should probably be more widely acknowledged than it currently is.

It's a word like any other word really. I've used it to describe one person who used to be in my life, who revels in other peoples' misery and gets a kick out of bullying. It suits her perfectly.

There is a specific feeling which a couple of people in my life cause me to have as they have been controlling and abusive - it is stress hormones triggered by fight-flight response and a panic shot to the chest. It feels physically toxic.

Whether that makes the person toxic or simply feel toxic to me, I don't know, but it is not a pleasant reaction. It feels like being poisoned, if someone abuses you over a long period of time.

Perhaps if the people who are toxic behaved themselves like proper humans then they wouldn't be labeled as such.

Well not to their face. Who wants to start an argument with a toxic person

But behind their back, fine

I think some people just are toxic. It might be for reasons they can't necessarily help/control, but that doesn't mean they're good for you or pleasant to be around. That's just my thought though, it's not fact.

One person's idea of toxic might be another person's idea of a lovely person. We're all different. But I don't think it's dehumanising at all. Just an opinion.

I think relationships can be described as toxic. Some people are just not good together. Sometimes with very damaging results.

But I think it odd to call a person 'toxic'.

cocoa
Thanks for that thoughtful post.

I can cope with idea of poisoning being something someone does, but not what someone is iyswim.

Yes Imbroglio I would agree with that.

I would always think worse of someone who called another person "toxic" than the person they were describing

But some people are just not nice/good people. Why is it okay to describe people in really positive ways, but not negative ones?

It is often used in terms of a ' toxic relationship ' which is more understandable in that the dynamic or behaviour can be damaging to a person's wellbeing or mental health.

It is overused on mumsnet though

One of my grandmothers was toxic. The closer you got, the more damage she caused. The longer you were exposed to her the greater the harm she caused. She dripped poison into people's ears. Of her 4 DC, one drank themselves to death, one killed themself and one is a functioning alcoholic. The surviving two don't have any relationship with each other.

I would always think worse of someone who called another person "toxic" than the person they were describing

You really don't get what happens and what you experience to lead you to describe somebody else as 'toxic', do you? How exactly does it happen that the word used to describe how awful some people are, is worse than actually being that awful person?

OP, what do you think of the word "abusive"? Should we say "person who perpetrates abuse" instead? On MN toxic is quite often used of a parent whose behaviour, according to the descriptions, appears to amount to longterm emotional abuse.

Surely it's the behaviour that's toxic, not the person.

Perhaps the people who's behaviour is toxic are the people who's parents disapproved of "negative labelling".

Hmmmmmmm...

I agree squiggle there are some truly nasty people out there. Not the ones who are just cunts but the ones who delight in causing people angst and discomfort and in the worst cases, physical threat.

I had a neighbour who was a toxic individual, he would drop comments to my ex that made me fear for my own safety. He'd make things up and twist the truth so ex thought I'd been having an affair. He knew exactly what he was doing and I'm certain I wasn't the only person he was doing it to.

Only a toxic individual would put someone at risk of domestic violence for their own entertainment.

I would have to say the "C" word is worse... Ultimately though, they're just words- and can only be offensive if taken that way.

I think you probably don't understand how the toxic label can be justified unless you grew up with the kind of families some of us did. If you had a nice, relatively normal upbringing then it's impossible for you to understand.

My DH (nice, normal family) had no clue before he met my family, but several years down the line supported me in going NC with some of the fuckers. TBF I thought nice, normal families were a fairy tale until I met him sooooo swings and roundabouts...

Oh no a person can most definitely be toxic.
You have no idea how rotten to the core these type of individuals can be.
I don't believe its dehumanising, it's categorising.

You've obviously never met my SIL

I would challenge you to spend just 24 hours with her and not think the words toxic

She's that bad